blechhh!!!

Feeling : bored
Listening to : cold - stupid girl

stayed over at t's place last nite... watched "the last samurai"... awesome flick... set up her mp3 player and stuff... same old same old... boring crap....im numb due to boredom....blechhh!!!

Dead birds and old folks

Feeling : calm
Listening to : Audioslave - Shadow on the Sun

I saw the most beautiful thing today... on my way to work i saw this dead dove on the road.... it was lying flat on its back... flat... its wings were spread out and its legs were pointing downwards and its tail was spread open like a fan.... and did i mention it was flat?... yeah.... musta been crushed by a car or something... there was no blood and it wasnt all squishy or gooey or anything it was dry... maybe it was dry because of the heat out in these parts (???)... its head was facing its left and it just looked fucking beautiful... yea i know... you ppl out there must be like "what kind of a sick bastard is he?"... well, i aint a sick bastard... i never said i liked seeing dead animals... i just said it was beautiful... it looked so peaceful yet so horribly twisted... so truthful yet very fake... so fucking cool.... i musta stood there staring at the bird for like 2 minutes... already im avoided on the streets for looking like some sorta hairy pachydermoid-monkey (whatever the fuck that is!!!)... now im staring at a dead bird... there was this one old guy (must be like 70 or something) whom i noticed as i was walking away... he was looking at me like i was a looney or something... stupid piece of *^&%*&!!!

..........

Feeling : stupid
Listening to : HIM - Solitary Man

i dunno why but ive been puttin writin this off for a long time... from today onwards ill try to put more effort into my mlog... (burps and farts included)... nothing to write actually... went to this awesome villa in abhur for the weekend (thanks to kairali)... it was ok... played a few games and stuff... lost all of em :P... it was kinda so so... nothin special or anything... blah blah blah..... excrete and rejoice brethren - avi

Chaoticismically Speaking On Purposefullnecessity

Feeling : nice
Listening to : nothing...silence

all fine here... met everyone today... t came over for a while but had to go soon cos she got her french exam tomorrow... suddenly felt like writing today.... so here... this is brand new... just finished writing it.... same old same old here... invited out to lunch by rajeev unc and family tomoirrow... dinner at peter uncs place.... then back to slavery (work without pay that is)...

-=-Chaoticismically Speaking On Purposefullnecessity-=-

imploding brains of swine,
fried genitalia of horse,
boiled eyes of snail,
baked limbs of snake;
mix well, shake hard, eat well.

rip out their guts,
chew your tongue,
peel her skin,
shave his ears;
scratch them all into the wall.

1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89...

un-paradoxicality living in pessimism,
removing dogmaticism and restoring normality,
breaking your fanatically untrue stigmaticism,
peeling vitality out of my pseudo-optimism.

doctrines of truth for the unholy pagans-
evils miss-spelled into truth-
leadership gifted to an ape-
understandability the real uncommon sense.

"The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does." (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141)

i am your street-light;
you are my street corner, 30 buck hooker.
remember buzz lightyear?
"to infinity and beyond!" said he
break yourself, take a break.

yur oen asginfiiainct.

remember we have purposefullnecessity,
rape yourself fool, nobody cares.
breathe through you fingers;
be a jerk, do not be me, be a jerk

William of Okham says-
"Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate"
(which translates as "entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily")
Meaning is relative.
If you are naive it means one,
but to the fool-hardy it means another.

hit an f major my princess of excretery fluids,
be my musically biblical friend.
do we or do we not,
true we be what we are not meant to be.

facilitation of needs of a nation.
necessitation of one angry fraction.
vacation from all this constipation.
na na na na na na na na na na na na na.

"What exactly is chaos? Put simply, it is the idea that it is possible to get completely random results from normal equations. Chaos theory also covers the reverse: finding the order in what appears to be completely random data." Grey Rae (Chaos Theory: A Brief Introduction)

i hate this numbing constancy...

Feeling : bored
Listening to : the awesome threesome in tool's lateralus: disposition, reflection and triad

didnt go to work for the past two days cos i had a fever.... sat around doing nothing.... today i realized my hair is getting outta control... like at work when i put on my cap and it looks like im hiding a forest underneath... think ill start tieing my hair or something... but the problem with tieing my hair is that the front part... it doest reach all the way back.... theres like 3/4th of an inch more.... but i guess it will be ok if i keep my cap on at all times... it would have been fine if my hair were straight... my hair aint straight... its mega curly.... thats good actually.... but kinda tough to handle... ok heres a question to all you ladies out there - i have thick curly hair (brownish) shampoo makes it all knotted and tangled and stuff... i dont mind the curls... gimme a remedy for the knottedness....thanks... im bored stiff... bah.... im goin to bed...

of pigs and pedals and pastels...

Feeling : kinda happy (for once)
Listening to : Minor Swing - Rachel Portman (from Chocolat)

not much has happened in the past week or so... just survived i guess... got myself pastels and a new sketch book today... wanna start a bit of drawwing... im in the mood... guitar class was fine... went to bala unc's party y'day... it was ok... not astounding or anything... im happy i guess... but im bored... nothin happening... got myself new guitar picks... still no cash for pedals and/or an iPOD... guess i gotta accept the fact that i never will have cash... searched all over the place for finger slides... pplk in the store said that they dont think slides are available anywhere in jeddah.... what kind of a fucked up place is this huh?... got work tomorrow...itys goin fine... just gettin bored and tired but no money...

reason is lost while truth be found
truth be told i be bold
heart made of gold i sit as im told
will you be my personal pig for me to hold?

incomplete life

Feeling : depressed
Listening to : nothing

i hate it all... everything sucks... i swear... i hate work... i hate coming back home evry night... i hate my bed... i hate everything... i dunno... cant put it all in words... feeling very depressed... hoping i would die in my sleep tonight... yea... that would be nice... and i wanna be cremated not burried... and my ashes should be thrown into the sea... atleast then ill travel the world... i usually dont like tellin ppl what i want... i made this big mistake by telling my folks i wanted an iPod and pedals for my guitar... they go ballistic saying im selfish and stuff...helloo... i didnt ask them to get it for me.... i just said that i wanted those things... i ask about getting a job here and they literally burst... im not saying i hate the workshop... its just that i work so hard from 8:30 in the morning till 12:30 in the afternoon and 4:30 till 8:30 at might....this is without pay.... so basically i end up dead-tired and lacking the time and will to do anything... i hardly go online, totally stopped reading... dont watch tv.... how could i?... im too fucking tired... i hardly have a life anymore... im too exhausted to do anything... they were like it would have been much better if i had graduated... so what if i passed... im not the one sitting and watching the propoganda driven bullshit on tv the whole day... and i go to work and end up fatigued and moneyless... why is my life so shitty... i dont even know why i do this anymore...i have nothing thats truly mine... my room im sharing with my brother... i dont even have privacy..... shit its 1:10 AM!!!... i gotta get up at seven.... man i cant even pen out a proper entry...fuck!

Greed - My personal sin

Feeling : greedy
Listening to : apocalyptica - nothing else matters

i know i havent been posting much lately... but i havent even been online in a few days... skipped work (can you even call it that? "work"... i dont even get paid...) today... wasnt feeling too good... finally got to removing the x'mas tree and did that... frankly speaking, today was totally lame... now thats a really dumb word - lame... i had this wierd dream a few days back... i guess it takes place in the near future or something... im in india and i go to visit tina whos (surprise! surprise!) studying in my old school in ooty (The Laidlaw Memorial School and Junior College, a part of the St. Georges society)... like i go in there and i hi-five my old principal... man that was wierd coz hes like one of those old fashioned brit styled anglo-indian ppl... very intimidating character... i remember the first time i saw him... i was 10... with his huge professors cape and all - he looked like dracula... the guy is atleast 6'2"... anyway... its all sketchy... dont remember most of the dream (guess i should start writing my dreams every morning like t huh?...) i meet t and we were talkin and stuff and when i asked her if she wanted anything... she said she wanted a guitar... then i took her out of school and went to spencer's (thats a mall in chennai [madras]... ooty is like 500 kms away but hey... its my dream and i control everything :) ) and i get her this awesome black acoustic guitar from tansen (this cool indian guitar company)... i always wanted a black guitar... wonder why my subconscious wanted me to give it to her... then we hung out for a bit and then i took her back... this school in reality, wouldnt let you out even if your parents came over... it was that strict and here i am hi-fiving dracula and taking t out for a while and they let her back in like ppl do it everyday... i guess nobody has any idea what im talking bout heh heh heh... i want money... yesterday while goin for work i felt like robbing this dorky looking guy... wonder why it is that even though you know you could get into trouble that your mind forgets all consequences when your head is filled with greed... you want something so much that you have some way to justify the shitty thing that you're gonna do to get whatever it is that you want... me i could control myself... but maybe thats what thieves thrive on... maybe theyre just compulsive about getting what they want and they want it so bad that all other things are mentally blocked off such that their perspective of right and wrong is distorted to such a degree that they feel that they are doing the right thing... the COMDEX (its like this international techno exhibition) is coming to jeddah from the 14 to the 17th of march... im sure there will be iPODs available there (iPODs are sold out all over the arabian peninsula)... if only i had 2000 bucks (thats in saudi riyal.... thats somethin like $600) i cud surely get myself one... im broke... i got nothin... nada... zilch... and my job dont even pay whack... come to think of it... i shudda robbed that guy... he looked like the type whod earn like 10 grand a day or somethin... he was drivin around in a jag... i wouldnt be too greedy... id have just taken 200 bucks and left the rest... i never was too greedy for cash... i remember whenever i had cash i would go and bust it in one nice swoop... id treat my friends, get myself something... never kept anything coz i was happy with cash or broke... now i just need enough to get myself an iPOD... im not greedy...just 2000 bucks... fuck it!... im greedy!!! im fucking greedy for an iPOD!!! i swear im gonna get an iPOD even if its the last thing i do!!!... ... ... i aint never getting an iPOD... im dooomed... DOOMED!!!

screw the indian academic system

Feeling : thoughtfull
Listening to : david usher - black black heart

got a call from ajnu like a half hour back... she sounded kinda bummed... no thats not the right word... scared... yeah, scared about her finals comin up.... steffi was at her place the past few days (they were studying together) and she had one of those pre-examination breakdowns... damn sad... ajnu was like she feeling lonely cos aruns not there and usually he was there to cry on (literally, aj manages to cry before almost every exam :D)... she was like it was wierd after steffi left like that and kinda nervous about the exams... they got chemistry first... ajnus worst subject... i remember back in school... 12th grade boards comin up (the indian equavalent of graduation... i studied in madras, india)... i was never much of an open-feeling type of person... i knew i was fucked... there was no way on earth i could learn anythin... but i did the wrong thing... i stuffed it all down... you know... shied away from everyone... listened to music whenever i got the chance... sat alone all the time writing stuff... i was one of those crazy noisy ppl back then... so when this started jude, dee [deepak], sibi, amu [amrith], sanjo [sayoojya] and tanky [arjun] (buddies in school... we were roomies, yup all of us!!)... somehow managed to get mama's address from my cupboard and wrote to her saying that i was going down into depression (which was true anyway)... most ppl would have been way pissed... but actually... these guys are fucking heroes man... they saved my life... mama came to india ASAP... she didnt tell me why... just said she'd come to support me emotionally... i remember thinking why she came... ive studied in boarding school since the 6th grade and she hadnt ever done anything vaguely like that before... when she came over to school to visit me id act cool... like nothing was wrong... but one day i snapped... man i started crying... cussing at the fucked up physics teacher that i had... shit i felt horrible... but i felt much better after that release actually... thosguys... my friends... i truly love those assholes... they literally saved my life... god knows what i would have done back then if mama hadnt come over... agreed i havent maintained contact with them for quite a bit but hey... i will never forget them... i guess the reason why i havent emailed them for a while is a feeling of inferiority that i feel because of the fact that they are ahead of me by 2 and a half years now... and thanks to my indian upbringing... its shoved into me soo damn hard that there is no other way to prove yourself other than by achieving academically... (im my own best psycho-analyzee... im a goood subject maybe because im two people, atleast by principles and a behavior) i tried my best but i flunked 2 subjects... math and chemistry... my folks said it was ok (later on i found out that papa thinks that im a fuckin fool... a nothing just coz i couldnt graduate)... i joined some private tuitions went over to aruns so that he could teach me... i worked my balls off... i truly thought i would get atleast 50%... i flunked... the second time... i went deeper down... it was sickening... i started writing again... which made me feel better... i used to write a lot... plain feeling on screen... but i used to delete most of them because of my compulsive freakiness about high standards in my literary workmanship... mama somehow convinced me to try one more shot at the exams... i joined another tuition at this other place... a few weeks later the guy throws me out of class saying it was because i was laughing... stupid motherfucker blamed me when it was this other dickless kid who wouldnt even speak up... i never went back... i studied on my own and did my GED like last september... thats september 2003... lets go back to the beginning... the time i first went into depression (before my boards) was jan 2002... one and a half whole depressing years later i get this rock taken off my shoulders... i do not thank god... screw god!... whats god got to do with anything... gods just mental support for the emotionally weak (a few weeks back i was chatting wiht aj and i got into this discourse about god... shes saved it... ill post it here after her exams...) now im here... working in a zero pay job... wanting to join college... im still broke and single... what a story huh?... cheers to life.

P.S. - if anybody out there feels sorry for me or likes my writing or likes my blog or wants to mail me some anthrax pls donate some money to the "Get Avi an iPOD Fund"... all you have to do is put US$2 (yeah... just 2 bucks... you could put more if you want :D) into an envelope and mail it to me at the address below i will start a column with you names in it (gimme you blog pages too so that i could link ya'll up)... i know there are many, many kind, generous, charitable people out there who feel sorry for me...

mail the cash to:

Avinash Jose Ignatius
c/o Mr Jose Ignatius
POBox # 11793
Jeddah - 21463
The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

thanks all (in advance)...respect...

Kurt Wenner - Gallery of Work

Kurt Wenner - Gallery of Work

Awesome site featuring the works of Kurt Wenner...
A must see for art lover and hater alike...

hate thyself!

Feeling : pissed and stupid and sleepy and fuckin annoyed
Listening to : tool - forty six and 2

when you dont understand something its better off not knowing why you try to understand stuff you cannot understand... why want to better yourself when you are good as is?... agreed evolution is good, but when we watch ourselves evolving into a species of moronic, self-loving bastards i'd prefer us all being extinct... look around you... shit! thats all there is... SHIT!!!... nothings good... all we have is our personal rocks and pillars that we hang on to and the propoganda filled bullshit thats crammed down our throats at every turn... want... we all want something... do we get it?... i want to continue my studies... but can i?... NO!! not under these fucking circumstances... i want an iPOD... can i get one?... NO!! way over my fucking financial capabilities... why do we want when we clear enough know we wont get what we want when we want it?... thats the whole deal huh?... your fuckin dreams driving you to persue shit and stuff like that?... its stupid... its all fucked up... amen.

damn... i forgot my username... its hyperbolaic (incase i forget again)

looking into my very own warped mind

Feeling : strange
Listening to : epitaph - king crimson

have you ever dozed off for like 2-3 seconds and had a full length dream which to you seems like a few hours, or is it just me?... you know i was listening to ziggy stardust (david bowie) when i dozed off... i musta missed just one line but wow... i had this wierd-assed full-length dream... something about me robbin a drug store or something... but the point is that i had this dream in a span of like 3 seconds... if your subconscious can slow time down so much as to extend time it must be creating a simulacrum of time that you believe is real for your own purposes... imagine what you can achieve by being able to consciously control this "power" (if you can call it that)... your mind can run a 1000 times more of data through it per sec... meaning all the algorithmic calculations done in your mind will increase by geometric bounds... in lay-man's english that means that you will become a supercomputer... maybe thats how those super math geniuses (is that even a word?) do those mega calculations faster than most other people and they do it all mentally... maybe thats how you reach a high... the feeling of all-round well-being and awareness must be caused by the slowing of time in the mind... maybe not as fast as when you dream but a little atleast, which in turn leaves you with a feeling of omni-knowledgability... this to most followers of the zen and of buddha is enlightenment or the attainment of nirvana... now thats something to think about huh?...

mixed fruit, jam

Feeling : hungry
Listening to : smoke on the water - deep purple

mixed fruit, jam

slates of skin, chalk of bone
pain untold, screams unheard.
blue eyed stare, bloodied nose
broken limb, scratched elbow.
stitches stretching, bruises spreading
cuts opening, bones breaking.
faces twisted, eyes unblinking
mouths curled, ears tuned.
fingers shaking, knuckles cracking
fists flying, kicks soaring.
clothes tattered, money lost
assets gone, dignity stripped away.
friends lost, families disappeared
armies fighting, people crying.
public moaning, private slaughtered
leaders laughing, masses dieing.
murderers killing, rapists fornicating
governments torturing, leaders bullying.
lovers crying, partners lost
children missing, parents weeping.
papers rumpled, computers destroyed
radios brain-washing, televisions hypnotizing.
buildings falling, bridges collapsing
statues tumbling, houses of worship defaced.
art lost, hearts broken
innocence lost, childhood gone.
refugees running, united nations controlled
puppeteers smiling, resources stolen.
oil drained, barrels taken
tankers filled, cars polluting.
blind lead, blind follow
deaf hear, dumb speak.
politically incorrect, guerrilla warriors
rebels fighting, victims dieing.
peace unheard, wars fought
reasons unjust, people wronged.
terrorists win, innocent suffer
politicians whine, results bogus.
pain for all, victory for none
people still at large, nothing’s over!

Stairway to heaven

Feeling : nice
Listening to : stairway to heaven - led zeppelin

got this from a site...

Stairway to heaven
Led Zeppeling


E-------5-7-----7-|-8-----8-2-----2-|-0---------0-----|-----------------|
B-----5-----5-----|---5-------3-----|---1---1-----1---|-0-1-1-----------|
G---5---------5---|-----5-------2---|-----2---------2-|-0-2-2-----------|
D-7-------6-------|-5-------4-------|-3---------------|-----------------|
A-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-2-0-0---0--/8-7-|
E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|

E---------7-----7-|-8-----8-2-----2-|-0---------0-----|-----------------|
B-------5---5-----|---5-------3-----|---1---1-----1---|-0-1-1-----------|
G-----5-------5---|-----5-------2---|-----2---------2-|-0-2-2-----------|
D---7-----6-------|-5-------4-------|-3---------------|-----------------|
A-0---------------|-----------------|-----------------|-2-0-0-------0-2-|
E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|

E-------0-2-----2-|-0-----0----------|---------3-----3-
B-----------3-----|---1-----0h1------|-1-----1---0-----
G-----0-------2---|-----2-------2----|---0---------0---
D---2-----0-------|-3----------------|-----2-----------
A-3---------------|---------0----0-2-|-3---------------
E-----------------|------------------|---------3-------
Intro end.
E---------2-----2-|-0-----0----------|---------------2-|-0-0-0-----------|
B-------1---3-----|---1-----0-1------|-------1-----3---|-1-1-1-----------|
G-----0-------2---|-----2-------2----|-----0-----2-----|-2-2-2-----------|
D---2-----0-------|-3----------------|---2-----0-------|-3-3-3-----------|
A-3---------------|---------0----0-2-|-3---------------|-----------------|
E-----------------|------------------|-----------------|-----------------|
Theres a

E-------5-7-----7-|-8-----8-2-----2-|-0---------0-----|-----------------|
B-----5-----5-----|---5-------3-----|---1---1-----1---|-0-1-1-----------|
G---5---------5---|-----5-------2---|-----2---------2-|-0-2-2-----------|
D-7-------6-------|-5-------4-------|-3---------------|-----------------|
A-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-2-0-0-----------|
E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|
lady whos glitter buying a heaven When she

E-------5-7-----7-|-8-----8-2-----2-|-0---------0-----|-----------------|
B-----5-----5-----|---5-------3-----|---1---1-----1---|-0-1-1-----------|
G---5---------5---|-----5-------2---|-----2---------2-|-0-2-2-----------|
D-7-------6-------|-5-------4-------|-3---------------|-----------------|
A-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-2-0-0-------0-2-|
E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|
gets there stores are ord she can get came for

E---------2-----2-|-0-----0---------------|---------3-----3-|-3^2-2-2-------|
B-------1---3-----|---1----1--0-1---------|-1---1-1---0-----|-3---3-3-------|
G-----0-------2---|-----2---------2-------|---0-0-------0---|-2-----2-------|
D---2-----0-------|-3---------------------|-----2-----------|-0-----0-------|
A-3---------------|-----------0------0-2--|-3---------------|-----------0-2-|
E-----------------|-----------------------|---------3-------|---------------|
Oooh oooh and shes buying a heaven Theres

E-------0-2-----2-|-0-----------------|---------2-----2-|-0-0-0-----------|
B-----------3-----|---1--1--0 1-------|-1-----1---3-----|-1-1-1-----------|
G-----0-------2---|-----2-------2-----|---0---------2---|-2-2-2-----------|
D---2-----0-------|-3-----------------|-----2---0-------|-3-3-3-----------|
A-3---------------|---------------0-2-|-3---------------|-----------------|
E-----------------|-------------------|-----------------|-----------------|
sign on she wants you know two meanings In a

E-------5-7-----7-|-8-----8-2-----2-|-0---0-----0-----|-----------------|
B-----5-----5-----|---5-------3-----|---1---1-----1---|-0-1-1-----------|
G---5---------5---|-----5-------2---|---------------2-|-0-2-2-----------|
D-7-------6-------|-5-------4-------|-3---------------|-----------------|
A-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-2-0-0---0--/8-7-|
E-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|-----------------|
tree theres a song times all of our mis given

E--------5-7---7---|----8-------2------|----0-------0----|-----------------|
B-----------5-5-5--|---5-5-----3-3-----|---1--1----1-1---|-0-1-1-------3---|
G------5-----5---5-|--5---5---2---2--2-|--2----2--2---2--|-0-2-2-------0---|
D----7-----6-------|-5-----5-4-----4---|-3-------3-----3-|-------------0---|
A-0-0--------------|-------------------|-----------------|-2-0-0-------2---|
E------------------|-------------------|-----------------|-----------------|

|-3---3-3-3--3--0-0-|-2-------2-------|-3--3-3-3--3--0-0---7-|--5---3---5----
|-1---1-1-1--1--1-3-|-3--3--3---3-0-0-|-1--1-1-1--1--1-1---8-|--7---5---7----
|-2---2-2-2--2--2-2-|-2-----------0-0-|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---9-|--7---5---7----
|-2---2-2-2--2--2---|---0-------------|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---0-|-------------0-
|-------------------|-----------------|----------------------|-------------0-
|-------------------|-----------------|----------------------|---------------
Oooh it makes me wonder
|-3---3-3-3--3--0-0-|-2-------2-------|-3--3-3-3--3--0-0---7-|--5---3---5----
|-1---1-1-1--1--1-3-|-3--3--3---3-0-0-|-1--1-1-1--1--1-1---8-|--7---5---7----
|-2---2-2-2--2--2-2-|-2-----------0-0-|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---9-|--7---5---7----
|-2---2-2-2--2--2---|---0-------------|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---0-|-------------0-
|-------------------|-----------------|----------------------|-------------0-
|-------------------|-----------------|----------------------|---------------
oooh makes me wonder theres a

------------------|------------------------|-----------------0--|--0--------
---------1------3-|-0h1----------1---------|-------1---------0--|--1--------
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-0h3------2-------|-------0----------0--2--|-3--------2------3--|--0---0-2--
------------------|------------------------|-----------------1--|-----------
feeling when look to my spirit leaving in my
whispered all call the tune then the piper will to reason &

----------------|--------------------|----------------0-|--0------|---------
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----------------|--------------------|----------------1-|---------|---------
thoughts I smoke through voices of looking [goto %]
new day those who forests will laugh - ter

|-3--3-3-3--3p-0-0---7-|--5---3---5----|-3--3-3-3--3h-0-0-|-2-----2-2-2-2-0-0-
|-1--1-1-1--1--1-1---8-|--7---5---7----|-1--1-1-1--1--1-3-|-3-----3-3-3-3-0-0-
|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---9-|--7---5---7----|-2--2-2-2--2--2-0-|-2-----2-2-2-2-0-0-
|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---0-|----------0----|-2--2-2-2--2--2---|----0--0-----------
|----------------------|-------------0-|------------------|-------------------
|----------------------|---------------|------------------|-------------------
whoah
|-3--3-3-3--3--0-0---7-|--5---3---5----
|-1--1-1-1--1--1-1---8-|--7---5---7----
|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---9-|--7---5---7----
|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2---0-|----------0----
|----------------------|-------------0-
|----------------------|---------------


------------------|------------------------|-----------------0--|--0--------
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-------0------0---|-----2-------2----------|-----0--------0--2--|--2--------
-----2------0-----|---------2--------------|---2--------0----3--|--2--------
-0h3------2-------|-------0----------0--2--|-3--------2------3--|--0---0-2--
------------------|------------------------|-----------------1--|-----------
If theres a bust 'edge row dont its just a Queen
Yes there are go by but and theres still your on

----------------|-3--3-3-3--3--0-0-|-2-----2-2-2-2-----|-3--3-3-3--3--0-7-
-------1------0-|-1--1-1-1--1--1-3-|-3-----3-3-3-3-0-0-|-1--1-1-1--1--1-8-
-----0------0---|-2--2-2-2--2--0-0-|-2--2--2-2-2-2-0-0-|-0--0-2-0--0--0-9-
---2------0-----|-2--2-2-2--2------|----0--0-----------|-2--2-2-2--2------
-3------2-------|------------------|-------------------|------------------
----------------|------------------|-------------------|------------------
and it won der

-5--3--5--|-3--3-3-3--3--0-0-|-2-----2-2-2-2-0-0-|-3--3-3-3--3--0-7-|-5--3--5-
-7--5--7--|-1--1-1-1--1--1-3-|-3--3--3-3-3-3-0-0-|-1--1-1-1--1--1-8-|-7--5--7-
-7--5--7--|-2--2-2-2--2--0-0-|-2--2--2-2-2-2-0-0-|-0--0-2-0--0--0-9-|-7--5--7-
----------|-2--2-2-2--2------|-------------------|-2--2-2-2--2------|---------
--------0-|------------------|-------------------|------------------|--------0
----------|------------------|-------------------|------------------|---------
oooh

------------------|------------------------|-----------------0--|--0--------
---------1------3-|-0h1----------1---------|-------1---------1--|--1--------
-------0------0---|-----2-------2----------|-----0--------0--2--|--2--------
-----2------0-----|---------2--------------|---2--------0----3--|--2--------
-0h3------2-------|-------0----------0--2--|-3--------2------3--|--0---0-2--
------------------|------------------------|-----------------1--|-----------
Your head is wont go the pipers him
Dear lady can blow your stairw whispering wind

wierd time (3/4?)
-----3--------3---|--2---------0-2--|-3----0-2--3--0-2--|---3-3-2---------
---5--------3---4-|--3-------3-3-3--|-3--3-3-3--3--3-3--|---3-3-3-3-------
-5-----5--4-------|--2-------2-2-2--|-2--2-2-2--2--2-2--|---2-2-2-0-------
------------------|-----------------|-0--0-0-0--0--0-0--|---0-0-0-2-------
------------------|-----------------|-------------------|---------3-------
------------------|-----------------|-------------------|-----------------

---2-2-2---|---2--2-2--0-0-0-2-|-3-0-2--0-2-|-3-3-3-3-|---2--2-2-0-0-|-0-2-2-0
-3-3-3-3-1-|-1-3--3-3--3-3-3-3-|-3-3-3--3-3-|-3-3-3-3-|-3-3--3-3-3-3-|-3-3-3-3
-0-0-0-0-0-|-0-0--0-0------2-2-|-2-2-2--2-2-|-2-2-2-0-|-0-0--0-0-0-0-|-0-0-0-0
---------2-|-----------0-0-0-0-|-0-0-0--0-0-|-0-0-0-2-|-2------------|--------
---------3-|-------------------|------------|-------3-|--------------|--------
-----------|-------------------|------------|---------|--------------|--------

Ok this is where the solo starts. Am - x02210
I'll include the chords to play over Am7 - x02010
it they sound pretty open I think Fmaj7 - xx3210
its a 12 string.

Am Am7 Fmaj7
|----------5---------------|------------------8--8-|
|------------8-5-----------|-------------8b10------|
|---7b9----------7-5---7p5-|-----------------------|
|--------------------7-----|-7p5-------------------|
|--------------------------|----8------------------|
|--------------------------|-----------------------|
Am Am7 Fmaj7
|--8b10---8--5 -----8--10-|-8-----------------------5-------|
|---------------8b10-------|---10-8----8h10------------8-5---|
|--------------------------|--------10-----------7b9-------7-|
|--------------------------|---------------------------------|
|--------------------------|---------------------------------|
|--------------------------|---------------------------------|
Am Am7 Fmaj7
|----------------------------|----5------------------------|
|----------------------------|------8-5--------------------|
|-5---7p5------------5---5-5-|----------7-5--7p5-----------|
|---7-----7-5---5-7----7-----|-5------------7----7p5-7p5---|
|-------------7--------------|---------------------------8-|
|----------------------------|-----------------------------|

Am Am7
|---------------------------------------------|
|------------------------------------------13-|
|---------10-------------------12----12-14----|
|------10----12-10----10-12/14----14----------|
|-8/12-------------12-------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------|
Fmaj7
|------------------------15b17-15-12----------------|
|--15b17-15-13--15-13-13-------------15b17-15-13----|
|------------------------------------------------14-|
|---------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------|
Am Am7
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|-13-15b17b15p13----13-15b17b15p13----13---15b17b15p13----13--15b17b15p13----
|----------------14----------------14------------------14-----------------14-
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fmaj7
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|-13-15b17b15p13----13--15b17b15p13----13--15b17b15p13----13--15b17b15p13----
|----------------14-----------------14-----------------14-----------------14-
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Am Am7 hold bend
|------------------------------------------15b17--|
|-13--15b17b15p13----13---15b17b15p13----13-------|
|-----------------14------------------14----------|
|-------------------------------------------------|
|-------------------------------------------------|
|-------------------------------------------------|
Fmaj7
|-b17b15-12---12--------------------------------15--|
|-----------15---15--13----13-15-13---13--15b17-----|
|-----------------------14----------14--------------|
|---------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------|

* this slide riff is another guitar and
is actually played on the 1st string
------8/7---8/5----
/
Am Am7 /---------\ Fmaj7
-----------------------------|-----------17----------------------------------
-15b17b15p13----13/12--13/10-|--------20----20-20----------------------------
-------------14--------------|--19b21-21----------19b21b19p17---19--17----19-
-----------------------------|--------------------------------19-------19----
-----------------------------|-----------------------------------------------
-----------------------------|-----------------------------------------------
Am Am7 Fmaj7 Am Am7
|--------------------|--------------------------------|--------------|
|--------------------|--------------------------------|--------------|
|-19b21--13/12 13/10-|--14b17--14b17-14--12--14--12-12b14------------|
|--------------------|--------------------------------|--------------|
|--------------------|--------------------------------|--------------|
|--------------------|--------------------------------|--------------|
Fmaj7 Am Am7
|-----------------------------------|----------8/7--8/5--|
|-----------------------------------|--------------------|
|-10b14----10b12b10-9-7----7--------|-7-9-7--------------|
|-----------------------10----10----|-------10-7---------|
|-----------------------------------|--------------------|
|-----------------------------------|--------------------|

Fmaj7
|----20-p17------20-p17------20-p17------20-p17------20-p17-----20b22-|
|-17--------17----------17----------17----------17----------17--------|
|---------------------------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------------------------------------|

The two guitars continue into this section. Walloping (a technical term
meaning hit very hard &) the strings using the full barre sounds pretty
good. The lead basically follows the bass. You can do both (like you
can tweak the slide riff with one guitar)

I think i can probably tabascii the bass now, ive listened to it enough.
But ive had it for this song!! unless someone really needs it please dont
ask just yet.. Ive gotten transfixed by a few other zepplin tracks
that where on the album, their slower more melodic stuff like no quarter
down by the seaside etc..

Am G F G Am G F G
|-5------------3----------------|-1--3-|-5------------3-------------|--1--3-
|-5------------3----------------|-1--3-|-5------------3-------------|--1--3-
|-5------------4----------------|-2--4-|-5------------4-------------|--2--4-
|-7------------5----------------|-3--5-|-7------------5-------------|--3--5-
|-7------------5----------------|-3--5-|-7------------5-------------|--3--5-
|-5------------3----------------|-1--4-|-5------------3-------------|--1--4-
And as we wind on down the road Our shadows taller than our soul

Am G F G Am G
|-5------------3-------------|-1--3--|-5------------3----------|
|-5------------3-------------|-1--3--|-5------------3----------|
|-5------------4-------------|-2--4--|-5------------4----------|
|-7------------5-------------|-3--5--|-7------------5----------|
|-7------------5-------------|-3--5--|-7------------5----------|
|-5------------3-------------|-1--4--|-5------------3----------|
there walks a lady we all know who shines w' light and to

F G Am G
--1-----------------------3--|-------------------------------
--1-----------------------3--|-------------------------------
--2-----------------------4--|-------------------------------
--3-----------------------5--|-------------------------------
--3----------3--5h7--5--3-5--|-------------------------------
--1----1-3h5--------------3--|-5---5--------3--3-------------
show how everything still turns to

Am G F G Am G
|---------------------5------------3-------------|-1--3--|-5------3----------
|---------------------5------------3-------------|-1--3--|-5------3----------
|---------------------5------------4-------------|-2--4--|-5------4----------
|---------------------7------------5-------------|-3--5--|-7------5----------
|-------3--5h7--5--3--7------------5-------------|-3--5--|-7------5----------
|-1-3h5---------------5------------3-------------|-1--4--|-5-5----3--3-------
gold and if you listen very hard the tune will come to u at


F G Am G F
|--1------------------------|----------0-|---0-0-0-0-----
|--1------------------------|----------1-|---1-1-1-1-----
|--2------------------------|----------2-|---2-2-2-2-----
|--3------------------------|----------3-|---3-3-3-3-----
|--3----------3--5h7--5--3--|------------|---------------
|--1----1-3h5---------------|-5-5--3-3-1-|-1----------5-5
last when all __ yeah

Am G Fmaj7 Am Am7/G Fmaj7
|-----------0-|-0-0-0-0------|--------8-10-----|-------------------------
|-----------1-|-1-1-1-0------|-8/10--------10--|--8h10p10----------3-3---
|-----------2-|-2-2-2-0------|-----------------|-----------------5b7-2---
|-----------3-|-3-3-3-0------|-----------------|---------------------3---
|-------------|--------------|-----------------|-------------------------
|-5-5--3-3--1-|--------------|-----------------|-------------------------
to be a rock roll__


Am Am7/G Fmaj7 Am Am7/G
----------------------0--|-------------------|------------------------
----5-------8------10-3--|-----13-------12---|-----13------12------13-
--7b9----10b12--12b14-0--|--15b17----14b16---|--15b17---14b16---15b17__
----------------------0--|-------------------|-------------------------
-------------------------|-------------------|-------------------------
-------------------------|-------------------|-------------------------
Fmaj7
|-----------------------------------------
|-13------12-------13------15--------------
__17---14b16----15b17---17b19--------------
|-----------------------------------------
|------------------------------------------
|------------------------------------------


slow
Am Am7/G Fmaj7
----------------------|-0---------------------------------------------
----13------12-----15-|-1----13---------------------------------------
-15b17---14b16--17b19-|-2-15b17---------------------------------------
----------------------|-3---------------------------------------------
----------------------|-----------------------------------------------
----------------------|-----------------------------------------------
And shes buying a stairway to heaven

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess this looks better in note pad.... :P

and shes buying a stairway to heaven...

Feeling : trippy
Listening to : stairway to heaven - led zeppelin

we had a small prayer for my grandad's (RIP) first death anniversary today... after the prayer and stuff me and sunil unc took my guitar and he started playin and we sang for a while... it was good... we sang everything from stairway to cocaine to roadhouse blues... then mama, sus aunty and bala uncle came in and they started requesting abba and simon and garfunkel and the beatles and stuff... i didnt know most of these track so i stood back... everybody had fun though... it was good... im in the mood now... gonna teach myself stairway to heaven and cocaine (maybe cocaine first coz its much easier)... i always loved stairway but it was kinda tough... but now i guess ill try :)...

with eyes a'burning
the she-devil roams the nights,
in search of prey, in search of love
i watched you the other day and died
just to rise up again and search but not to find
to lose but not to gain a soul
this masquerade is but my life
this charade my dreams
and this feeling - nothing.

Unconscious Mutterings

Unconscious Mutterings

its about free association.... the idea is cool... just what the mind says when you see the words and associate them with whatever

1. Political:: serj
   
2. Concentration:: migraine
   
3. Fish:: stinks
   
4. Lunacy:: the real path
   
5. Red:: blood
   
6. Imply:: nothingness (what left will be removed)
   
7. Recognize:: whom?
   
8. Sexist:: the grand mother fucking mufti
   
9. Commercial:: population control
   
10. Stricken:: us, we, me, i
    

"DUH?......"

Feeling : tired but contemplative
Listening to : the noose - a perfect circle

it was chachen's and joji aunty's wedding anniversary party yesterday... it went well... they did the whole ceremony and renewed their vows and stuff... me aj and t did our song ("its true that we love one another" opriginally by The White Stripes)... surprisingly it was good :P... i never thought it would end up ok... but one thing though... the sound mixer was a stupid son of a bitch.... he didnt know head or tail of what he was doin... the mother fucker wouldnt let anybody else do it either... he had that stupid "my mixer... i do everything" attitude... for all the songs the music was either too loud or too soft... or the bass was too high and things would get really shitty... even for our song... at first the guitar was too loud... i stopped playin and told the guy that the guitar was too loud... and he was like "DUH?......."... another person had to come over and do it... stupid son of a bitch... everythin went off well... we stayed over (me, aj, steffi, akshay) and jumped into the miniscule pool in the morning... reached home at like 3 in the afternoon (or is it evening?)... i slept as soon as i reached home and got up at 10:30 :)... come to think of it... it was all good... we had fun and i played infront of everyone for the first time ever... ppl were like "i didnt know you cud sing?"... heh heh heh.... i got a break from work for hajj ... so im gonna not ignore my blog all that much...

i cant seem to stop thinking bout the stupid sound mixer... why do ppl tend to believe they know everything about a certain thing if they own it... and if you have a mixer you should have a good sense of music otherwise its gonna sound like shit... ok you own the thing... but hey... you dont know how to use it, let somebody who does know do the work and not screw everything up... like i told them (aj, t and steffi) the guy should be hung by the balls from the ceiling...

as humans, we suck... bigtime!

Welcome Sanzi!!

Feeling : composed yet jittery
Listening to : its true that we love one another - the white stripes

same old, same old... nothin much... work goin fine... bina aunty had a c-section y'day... it was a girl just like lini said... named her sanzi... that really cool... very bohemian... i like it... SANZI... me aj and t practiced today... we're plannin to do our version of the white stripes' song "it's true that we love one another" for chachen's and joji aunty's wedding anniversary on thursday... onto other things... have you noticed how ppl put on their facades so easily?.... how do they manage to be somebody else their whole lives... and then there are those who are not anybody... the lost ppl... they do not have individuallity.. they just float along into the dust where they settle for so less while wanting soo much... want leads to jealousy... jealousy leads to anger... anger leads to violence... violence leads to deprivation (punishment - be it gettin caught or even your conscience)... deprivation leads to want... its the same fuckin cycle over and over again... damn!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Feeling : tired... dead tired
Listening to : the white stripes - fell in love with a girl

forget-me-please

a finger is a hand stripped of bone
i dont know why i'd like to cry
for the epileptic loves of your saints
boxed love from my best friend's
lover sitting on my front lawn
why do i have to smile today
while i watch myself crawl like a puppy dog
my date from paris told me to take a hike
now i dont even know what im doing
up over the mountains the eagle flies
going back to her nest to feed her little babies
jelly fish brains stewed to make an elixir
do you have my corner of the world?
i find my lost passions in a dumpster
finding nirvana in the space between
my eye lids, my eyes and my fists
i'm a vessel of pain and a pen of ink
i worry about the world and everything superficial
scraping my face off my knees
you smile at the honey pouring out of my nose
i wrap my heart in a pair of dirty socks
and throw it at the sharks in the muddy waters
i cut my big toe to feed my enemies
semi-nude prophets walk past my front door
to feed on the crap of the living dead
hello boogie-man, nice to see you!

was too tired to write something new so i put in one of my older pieces... started work in full force today... man am i tired... i gotta get up at 7:00 and reach there by 8:30... im walking too... i dont get paid or anything but atleast i get to know stuff plus i get an experience certificate... and hopefully i might learn how to drive properly too (yea, yea, i know... lets say it together now... LOOOOOOOOSER!!!)... its hard work you know?... the shifts are like 8:30 till 1:00... then 4:30 to 8:30... then add 2 hours of walking (half an hour per trip)... didja know there aint no proper public transport in this bloody place?... no subways, no proper bus service and the taxis cost a load... and since my dads in india for my aunts funeral and my g'dads first death anniversary i gotta walk... it was chachen's (ajnus dad) b'day today... went there... damn its 12:40... good night all...

goodbye... you are not forgotten

Feeling : sad
Listening to : nothing

todays had its ups and downs.... truly... the highs were like up there and lows went shit deep... i sed i was jobless right... well i started working at a garage today... i dont get no pay but atleast ill learn somethin right?... well things were going great and about 1:00 in the afternoon i get a call from my dad saying one of my aunts had expired... we used to call her susamma... thats like malayali-respectful for susan... she was just 47... cardiac arrest... i was bloody shocked... shes had no previous history of heart disease or anything like that... my dads leavin for india tomorrow...we'll be stayin back coz my bro's got school and mama's gotta go for work... he being the eldest son in the family is like the one who should be there... we're christian but you know... tradition and stuff... when we called our grandmother today she was crying and asking my dad to come home... well hes leavin tomorrow and he wont be back till the 5th of feb or so coz hes gotta stay for the first anniversary of my grandfather's death... thats why its so shocking... my grandad died on the 30th of jan 2002... barely a yr and my aunt expires... she was a real sweet lady you know... anytime we go visit them and she literally prepares a feast for us... her kids Neenu (in college) and Ebin (10th grade) are devastated... i cannot even imagine what they're going through... even my uncle who's usually the most jolly guy around sounded bad... really bad... life truly kicks you in the ass huh?... hope all goes well with Neenu and Ebin... more love to them...

apologies and other related bull crap

Feeling : sorry but kinda funny too
Listening to : jethro tull - thick as a brick

to all my readers out there... hopefully there are more than two of ya'll... im sorry bout the outburst yesterday... it was coz i was so pissed man... i still feel kinda hurt you know.. but i guess i forgive him... i cant stay mad forever right?.... water under the bridge... lets get onto today... went for one of those ultra-mega-super-duper-holy-hallelujah meetings coz my mom asked me to... ive had enough god to last me a lifetime... i swear i need to balance my yin and yang after that... the evil half of me musta been crying its ass off... there was this song by a guy named sunny... man o man... he sounded like bob dylan after a stroke or something... ouch!!!!... irritated a few ppl in a truly Avinash-ian way (now that helped my evil half ;P )... thats it...

highlights of the day: sunny mammen's song, screwing lakshmi's dinner and fone call...heh heh heh :)- im a bad person!!! im surely going to hell... yipeee!!!

PS: to all you ppl who got offended by any of my remarks today... im sorry... it wasnt me... it was my evil half...

PARASITE!!

Feeling : volatile (depressed, hurt, sad, angry, violent)
Listening to : to the air conditioner and the sound of my breathing

parasite...PARASITE!!!...i was called a parasite... my own fucking father called me a parasite.... its been like six hours and that fucking word has not gotten out of my head.... i dont know what to do...cry?...scream?... punch somebody?.... its all too much...i swear it... it was turning out to be a perfectly normal, boring day... just like any other in my boring life... i was invited to a treat by lakshmi's folks (friends of ours).... cool... things are goin fine... they arrive... planned to go to pizza hut coz veni (lakshmi's little sis) wanted pizza... fine... everybody happy... we get out of the house and we meet rajeev uncle (another friend of ours) and his family going out... you know how we indians are right?... we dont give a fuck where we are or what the time is or nothing and start some mega conferance outside... ppl are talking and as always while i was talkin to lakshmi my dad walks up and asks her to tell me to cut my hair... like its his business... she tells him that my hair looks fine...good infact... after being snuffed like that the stupid bastard had to say something right?... he starts off with the "you failed...not in college... wasting your life" speech right there infront of everybody... if he had stopped there it would have been managable.... but NOOOOOOO he had to go on and on and say that i was a total failure and that all i did was eat, shit and sleep under him.... and then the mother fucker said i was a parasite..."a good for nothing parasite"... usually i dont give a fuck about what ppl say... but this was too damn much... firstly he doesnt realize just how much i hate being this way.... he thinks im happy sittin around all day doin nothing... i would give my limbs to be able to go to college and be like everybody else... agreed i failed but does that mean that i deserve to be pushed deeper into my shit?... fuck man... i felt like punching him smack on the face... dunno why i didnt?.. must be my stupid "respect-thy-parent" indian upbringing... i swear i should have punched him... i told him that if he were someone else i would have beaten him silly... i swear man... all this time all ive been thinking about is how fucked up things ended up for me... stupid mother fucker... he screws everything good about today and i cud not do anything after that... all night ive sat alone and its just that word running through my head... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... am i a parasite?... why do i have the feeling that things aint gonna get better for me?... how could the stupid fucked up piece of brainless shit have the gall to call me a parasite?... doesnt he even care about how i would feel if he said it infront of everybody... forget me.. i guess the selfish mother fucker wouldnt care about how anybody would have felt at that moment... he was just happy that he could embarass... sorry not embarass... mentally rape-fuck me infront of everybody else... i felt like ripping his throat out man... do you know the thoughts you get while you stand on the edge and you are looking down... thats whats been running through my head for the past 6-7 hours... man i wish i could get a job... atleast then i could get away from home... get what i want without depending on that asshole and be me... its like his biggest passion in life... makin me feel bad... i swear once i get back on my feet nothings gonna stop me... then lets see the mother fucker laugh at me...

urban schizophrenia

Feeling : lonely
Listening to : tool - stinkfist

sometimes you feel so alone.... your surrounded by people but you still feel lonely right?... thats how i feel right now... sometimes i really wish i had MPD so that i could atleast have somebody to talk to and be with.... everybody is so preoccupied with whatever it is that they are doing that nobody connects with anybody else on a personal level... its the over-saturation of society with whats unnecessary thats leading to the collapse of the basic foundations of our civilization... nobody takes part in a proper dialogue with another anymore... plato was right when he said that the only way forward for our civilization is only through proper dialogue with the self and with the other... its all business nowadays... no feelings involved... no true connectivity between ppl... ppl just stay glued to the tv and dont even bother to find out whats wrong with the person sitting next to them... and then there are those ppl who wanna try something new but are held back by restraints placed on them by society... you are just filled with so much shit thats shoved down our throats that we can do nothing but get oversaturated with all the shitty propoganda and crap that they want us to swallow... its like a cycle..... ppl eat shit, speak shit, eat shit, speak shit... it goes on and on until some of us breakdown and stop the whole thing... maynard says it best in "stinkfist"-

"Something kinda sad about
The way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don’t feel anything at all?

I’ll keep digging till,
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. turn around and take my hand."

everything is so much larger than life that it is un-accessible by most... and by keeping everything out of reach of everyone the few who can control all... human nature sucks. period.

I'm moderately fertile!

Feeling : wierdly obnoxious
Listening to : andrew wk - she is beautiful

i am fat.....not obese but fat... are you?....why am i fat?... why are you fat?.... once upon a time, a long long time ago there was a notion that fat ppl were well to do..... the belly was a sign of male fertility in ancient france..... nowadays a belly is a beer-o-meter.... so that means im moderately fertile huh?.... have you noticed that all hippies from the 60s were lean.....yea.... check any foto u can get and its like some imaginary place where fat ppl dont exist..... where did all the fat ppl go in the 60s huh?..... maybe its the weed.... yea that could be it.... or maybe it was all the walking they did... you know...protests and stuff.... it had to be that..... i dunno...i wasnt around then but man i sure wish i was.... i wouldnt be fat then.... what if there was a fat life guard on "baywatch".... would that have affected it ratings or would it have been the same?.... imagine one of those slo-mo baywatch babe-running scenes with a larger woman in it.... jiggly wiggly!!!... no wonder there were no large women on baywatch....

huh???!!!

what in god's name is goin on with the fonts in my blog????

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!!!!!!!!!

Feeling : thoughtful
Listening to : cradle of filth - satanic mantra

just watched "Seven"....cudja believe i havent seen that before...awesome flick...i aint much of a movie person but i liked this one... ive been wanting to atch this one for a while and how convenient... it comes on satellite.....

with the mood im in right now i thout id post one of my more non-conventional pieces.... this is a poem but it got sub-headings and even a little normal speech part...... tell me if you like it....dont exactly know wat it means tho....each time i read it it feels different........

--==spi(RICH)ually Autumn-atic==--

Fantasmagoraic Nirvana -

The sky turns green.
Grass turns blue, fire black.
Rain of rocks showering down
On unsuspecting little beings,
Killing them all in an instant.

Souls fly out of all the bodies,
Spirits free to roam the cosmos.
Karmic powers increase tenfold
Twitching bodies left to decay
With the memories of the past

Mortal Endeavourer -

I tear through my body
From head to toe and back
Faster than the blink of an eye.
Stuck I can't escape, trapped,
Help me! Let me loose!

I look over at the others,
Many motionless, some moving.
Moving as in beheaded-chicken moving.
No life, just sporadic spasms
Last bits of life in their spiritless bodies.

Phantom Witness -

Looking down I see her
Struggling in herself, fighting.
Watching as the others and I leave,
Leave behind all things physical.
But she can't leave. She's not meant to.

Look at her run around screaming.
Look at her shaking her friends,
Trying to wake them up from physical death.
Look at her scream. Pity, pity.
She falls down, motionless, unconscious.

Cosmotypical Diplomacy -

Roger to that Sir, mission accomplished.
There is one minor problem though.
An anomaly, one who breathes still,
She refuses to let go and die.
Awaiting commands, over.

Mortal Immortality -

What’s this I see?
A bright light? Is it over?
Am I dead yet? Where to now?
Is there a Heaven? Is that my destination?
Or am I going to hell?

I wake up. Where am I?
I can feel, I can smell, I can see.
I'm alive, but why? Why me?
Can it be true? Is everybody dead?
How come I am not dead like everybody else?

What’s that I see? A man... A man!
Must reach him... Must find reason...
Must know... He's walking towards me...
Should reach... I'll run...
Turning dark... Must reach...

Raped Politicking -

...and as she was running towards me she tripped over a body and hit her head against a rock. I checked her body. She was dead. I do not know what caused the anomaly but I'm working on it. Must be due to her being of a different type.....

Re-Union -

I'm free! Wait! Wait for me!
Don't leave me here!
Let's go wherever we must,
But I wont be left back now.
I can come with you for I am free.

Gore Fin -

Grotesquely bleeding tears through skin,
Tasting life for the nobody.
Knowing the unknown,
Hating the loved, Weeping without reason,
Undo. Undie. Unlive

unreal realities.....

Feeling : trippy...
Listening to : dandy warhols - bohemian like you

"There is nothing more visible than what is secret, and nothing more manifest than what is minute.Therefore the superior man is watchful over himself, when he is alone." - Confucious [The Doctrine of the Mean]

was reading "the doctrine of the mean" earlier on... man confucious makes so much sense even today..... like.... the superior man goes the opposite of the mean and the mean are those who follow a dogmatic route in their short existances before being sent to the better place....well... thats my version of "the doctrine".... its good.....i really want to read "simulacra and simulation" by jean baudrillard....not just coz it was there in the matrix... the idea that sub-cultures are formed out of feeling of joint differences means a lot....anybody out there know where i can get the ebook version of "simulacra..." mail me or leave a comment...thanks...peace all

Feeling : peaceful
Listening to : david bowie - bring me the disco king (lohner mix)

"You promised me the ending would be clear
You'd let me know when the time was now
Don't let me know when you're opening the door
Stab me in the dark, let me disappear

Memories that flutter like bats out of hell
Stab you from the city spires
Life wasn't worth the balance
Or the crumpled paper it was written on"

thanks adam... you helped a poor code-illiterate slob.....thank you, thank you, thank you..... :-).....

jimi lives forever!!

Feeling : frisky
Listening to : smashing pumpkins - zero

I wrote the following piece one night while listening to hendrix.... you can notice the similarities..... also its almost like im symbolizing the character as every man, woman or child...im using him to show us about how we go about our pointless lives.... we see the follies of ourselves and others...... in the end when we get whatever it is that we crave.... its taken away from us along with every other thing that we treasure.... we may not crave the "thing" that we need... it might just fall into our hands and only then do we know that that is what we need....and once you get this "thing" you give up too easily.... thus you end it all, on your own without you even knowing... look at yourself... are you satisfied with you?.... are you happy?... are you truly content?.....are you experienced? ;)...


Light From The Sun

"PURPLE HAZE ALL IN MY BRAIN,
LATELY THINGS JUST DON'T SEEM THE SAME.
ACTIN' FUNNY, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY
'SCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THE SKY."
- Purple Haze [Jimi Hendrix, 1967]

Fiery hair a' burning,
I watch them poor mermaids die.
Them sailors be pulling them out one by one
And they be a' celebrating.
Them mermaids be choking like a man in water,
Writhing and twitching they lay;
I be watching them through closed eyes.

Do them people have no mercy?
Mer-babes lie about dead as wood
And their mothers beside.
Mer-men splashing about in the bay
Weeping like young maidens;
For they never will see their mates again.
They be crying tears not to be seen in the water.

Lifting my hands high up - I soar,
Soar so high above the bay that I can touch the sky.
I look down upon the gray world of black kingdoms
And plagues from the innermost depths of Heides,
I can't help but wonder;
"Doth they know not what the do?"
But no one answers my query.

Flying northward towards the sunset
I see them unicorns playing with the Blue Serpent.
In mirth doth one unicorn poke at the Serpent;
But the Serpent doth not take the jest to heart.
He turns back and smiteth them unicorns
And turns an evil, green eye in my direction
For fear of my skin I flee eastward.

Disturbed I run through the sky,
Visions of flying mermaids and unicorns I see;
They all be of times better than that now.
Why hath all powerful of folk be evil?
Why doth they pleasure themselves by death?
Yea, they be powerful,
But doth them have power enough to proclaim themselves gods?

Many a length have I flown by now
And I glance upon the Earth.
Hark! What do mine eyes see below me?
What is that shiny object I spy?
Doth it be some magics of the Evil One?
Oh, but he attraction is far too much.
I cannot resist, I must investigate the Machine.

I know not what this is...
It doth be an object of greenish color
(Like that of the grass below mine feet)
Connected it is to a cord to an evil looking box.
In great fear I lift up this Machine,
I make a sign to the heavens for the grace of the One
And look down upon this contraption.

All of a sudden my fingers move!
They be moving at their own accord,
Far more deftly then ever could I manage.
But wait! That is but nothing,
This machine be making sounds as I strike it.
My fingers move in lightning speed
They be striking the machine and making heavenly sounds.

I let the flow control me.
My shell of feeling ripped away
I stand naked to the sound of the machine.
My fingers move faster and faster over the strings
Until I feel dizzy with ecstasy and fall over.
On my back I lay, making them sounds
Now coming forth from the Machine like light from the Sun.

Then I shut my eyes and die...

"IF I DON'T MEET YOU NO MORE IN THIS WORLD;
THEN I'LL MEET YA ON THE NEXT ONE.
AND DON'T BE LATE!"
- Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) [Jimi Hendrix, 1968]

PS: will somebody out there pls teach me how to centralize and enlarge text and stuff like that.... i cant code for peanuts....thanks

hmmm.........

Feeling :sleepy
Listening to :collide - monochrome

floating through it all
i find myself drifting,
sifting through the debris
of memories seemingly insignificant
but important for no one but me.

boring day....didnt do much....chatted with arun for a while (hes studying in canada) feel sorry for ajnu (aruns sis)...she waited up a while for him and he comes online 5 minutes after she goes to bed.... well.... thats life for you..... goodnight all....im goin to bed...