PARASITE!!

Feeling : volatile (depressed, hurt, sad, angry, violent)
Listening to : to the air conditioner and the sound of my breathing

parasite...PARASITE!!!...i was called a parasite... my own fucking father called me a parasite.... its been like six hours and that fucking word has not gotten out of my head.... i dont know what to do...cry?...scream?... punch somebody?.... its all too much...i swear it... it was turning out to be a perfectly normal, boring day... just like any other in my boring life... i was invited to a treat by lakshmi's folks (friends of ours).... cool... things are goin fine... they arrive... planned to go to pizza hut coz veni (lakshmi's little sis) wanted pizza... fine... everybody happy... we get out of the house and we meet rajeev uncle (another friend of ours) and his family going out... you know how we indians are right?... we dont give a fuck where we are or what the time is or nothing and start some mega conferance outside... ppl are talking and as always while i was talkin to lakshmi my dad walks up and asks her to tell me to cut my hair... like its his business... she tells him that my hair looks fine...good infact... after being snuffed like that the stupid bastard had to say something right?... he starts off with the "you failed...not in college... wasting your life" speech right there infront of everybody... if he had stopped there it would have been managable.... but NOOOOOOO he had to go on and on and say that i was a total failure and that all i did was eat, shit and sleep under him.... and then the mother fucker said i was a parasite..."a good for nothing parasite"... usually i dont give a fuck about what ppl say... but this was too damn much... firstly he doesnt realize just how much i hate being this way.... he thinks im happy sittin around all day doin nothing... i would give my limbs to be able to go to college and be like everybody else... agreed i failed but does that mean that i deserve to be pushed deeper into my shit?... fuck man... i felt like punching him smack on the face... dunno why i didnt?.. must be my stupid "respect-thy-parent" indian upbringing... i swear i should have punched him... i told him that if he were someone else i would have beaten him silly... i swear man... all this time all ive been thinking about is how fucked up things ended up for me... stupid mother fucker... he screws everything good about today and i cud not do anything after that... all night ive sat alone and its just that word running through my head... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... parasite... am i a parasite?... why do i have the feeling that things aint gonna get better for me?... how could the stupid fucked up piece of brainless shit have the gall to call me a parasite?... doesnt he even care about how i would feel if he said it infront of everybody... forget me.. i guess the selfish mother fucker wouldnt care about how anybody would have felt at that moment... he was just happy that he could embarass... sorry not embarass... mentally rape-fuck me infront of everybody else... i felt like ripping his throat out man... do you know the thoughts you get while you stand on the edge and you are looking down... thats whats been running through my head for the past 6-7 hours... man i wish i could get a job... atleast then i could get away from home... get what i want without depending on that asshole and be me... its like his biggest passion in life... makin me feel bad... i swear once i get back on my feet nothings gonna stop me... then lets see the mother fucker laugh at me...