sound : Ball and Buscuit - The White Stripes
it feels so good to hear a familiar voice from time to time... most folks are lucky to have their friends around them all the time but for someone who hasn't seen their real friends in a while, just hearing their voices feels so damn good.... it's wierd what deafness can do to you....
last thing i remember i was sitting on top of the purple mushroom sipping hot chocolate...... just moments before i had punched the pink gorilla for stealinmg my nuts... the bastard!... remember the kid who sat next to you in the third grade... well, he's a cross-dressing drag queen at a major broadway show... oh hell, im on the moon again....
my only escape from this loneliness is my reading and music... i just finished paolho coehlo's "eleven minutes".... it was awesome.... totally different for him.... and right now... i started "hammer of god" by arthur c clarke.... hmm....
i stole the chocolate pudding!... i stole jesus' thunder!... ha ha ha!... my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, damn right it's better than your's... my cock is bigger than your's... bwahahahaha!!!
i just realized something... its less than a month till i reach the US... what will this new chapter of my life hold for me?... will i fare better off than now or will things just get worse.... my intuition says things are going to get better but theres always murphy's law to help fuck up things....
wait a munute mr munchkin man.... dont you know my name?... im famous all around these here parts for being kinda lame... hey why not we play a game of poker?.... i can try to get the fuhrer to join us... maybe then we can ask the dude about his funky moushtache and what not.... hey.... gandhi just farted... heh heh heh... last night i was playing twister with nefertitii and cleopatra when plato ran into the room screaming something about him spouting a tail or something and promptly laid himself on the ground and fell into a drunken stupor... the poor sod... bllimey guv'nor don't choo got some chimneys to sweep?....and what abewt the ungle who lewed in the jungle?... did he cem in yea loorry?... did he say soorry?... screw it... in the werds of a most great philoosepher, "life is a saang, saang it!"....
peacerespectempathy
6.11.2005
day-to-day frustration
sound : Atlantic City (Live) - Bruce Springsteen
AUTHOR'S NOTE: im too lazy to type out anothe a real post so i'll post the message i sent to aj....
AUTHOR'S NOTE: im too lazy to type out anothe a real post so i'll post the message i sent to aj....
its scary... i feel like i'm becoming one of those people who get talked to
their whole lives but cant speak back... you know?.... i feel like those
non-entities that everybody relies on when they can't cope with the
fullness of their lives but i still do feel messed... man.... you think i'm
happy just because i didnt post some rage filled, poison spewing jumble of
words... nope.... i just had a good day or two so to speak.... i miss
conversation.... i miss proper social interaction.... i feel so damn lonely out
here... kerala.... what's in it for me huh?.... i want to go and see akhil and
neetu but cant cos we have these so-called "relatives" to visit... some of them
i like, but most of them... sheesh, i aint talking about it.... and all this
formalities and functions for some guy named "Jeffin" getting married... and i
gotta go for all this shit.... i hate weddings... drives me insane... all the
fake conversations and the x-ray looks... everything about it... everybody is
waiting for you to fuck up... its incredible.... even going to church (its not
like i want to go, im forced to) out here is tough.... i mean, come on... how
would you feel if each and every head in the place turns to you as soon as you
step in... add to that the fact that i dont understand whats going on because
its in mallu....... plus the sermon takes ages... my way of coping is by walking
tall and staring back at people when they stare at me (gives me something to do
when im bored) and sleeping during the sermon.... why the hell do these people
have to be so god-damn curious?... cant they shove their overly oily noses back
wherever its supposed to be?.... church in chennai aint that bad... nobody
stares and i sleep during the sermons over there too... whatever, i alwaus tell
everybody that i dont want to go, so me sleeping in church is not my fault.... i
wish you were coming to india a bit earlier.... we leave on the 11th... from
chennai... i doubt ill be able to see you.... crap!... wanna hear something
sick?... papa plans to leave malluland only on the 6th... can you believe
that?... only four days in chennai!!!.... before the SATs i was basically under
house arrest and the day after my SATs got over we left for kerala... i hardly
spent any time with my friends.... now we'll have only four days and i doubt i
can go out even then.... we delay for so long because "Jeffin" is getting
married and he's supposed to be a relative... like i care.... and what kind of a
nutcase would name their kid "Jeffin"??.... crack-heads..... damn... im like an
old man... i start a rant and by the end of it im all worked up.... balls....
ill be calling akh/neet tomorrow (sunday)... couldnt earlier on cos i was on the
meet-the-relatives tour.... ciao ajna.... ill catch ya later... PRE - aviPS: i havent heard from arun in ages... i miss the pig...
6.07.2005
"Dear diary, Why do all the girls roll their eyes at me?"
sound : Death Letter - Son House
i wole up today morning, the echoes of strangeness still running through my mind from the freakishly wierd dream of the night before, in a new land... yes, my dear gendle-foolæs... i am in mallu land.... the land of lush green-ness, the land of coconut oil and walrus moushtaches.... yes, im back...
lots of going-ons oh yeah... did my SATs... that went well excepting for the wierd john lennon incident.... there wasw this girl who looked exactly like yoko ono sitting next to me.... after i noticed her i got this wierd ally mcbeal episode going.... john lennon was singing to me during the whole test...... imagine played endlessly.... there was also beautiful boy, give peace a chance and even cold turkey.... it was like haveing the lennon: legend cd playing in my head..... it was good though.... it cooled me down.....
i got my driving license.... yeah, its now perfectly legal for me to drive a light motor vehicle with four wheels and motor cycles with gears... the driving test was disappointing though.... the two wheeler test, what do i say?... i hadnt touched the bike since the great fall of the avinashian butt and when i go to the driving test place they tell me that im up for the test... i somehow managed to do a wobbly figure eight (if the tire would have left marks it should have looked something like a figure eight drawn by a 90 year old with parkinsons) and all that sans the hand signals... i cant ride properly with both hands and i should do hand signals... yeah right.... and the driving test.... it was sad.... i started the car and drove it like fifty meters when the guy says,"very good. next."... i didnt even get the chance to change gears... its like these people want me to crash and die after i get the license.....
we saw the "revenge of the sith" on the third day of international release... actually i was planning to see all the movies in order (i was a star wars virgin prior to episode III) but why should i pass off a chance to see it in RDX... frankly speaking... i liked it... the movie was good... now i gotta get my butt to seeing the rest of the movies... vimal (one of my friends) and i went and saw xXx 2.... astoundingg that samuel l jackson agreed to act in such a shit-piece... it was a frickin' tamil action movie on steroids.... in the local section i saw "Black"... believe it or not, i liked it.... awesome for a bollywood flick... there were a few mistakes though... just because you're blind, deaf and dumb doesnt mean you'd walk like how the girl does... i mean the cross between charlie chaplin and a penguin was a little bit too much.... then towards the end they had the big b making like an old man... frankly that shouldnt be all too tough for him, he's basically there.... well anyway... the wig was like a bad mop from the janitor's closet and him shaking his head made him look like one of those annoying dog things you see people putting in the back of their cars to make the car look "CUTE".... but i forgive them... a hindi movie coming this far.... two thumbs up!
the day before yesterday one of my friends from ooty, nihas, came down to chennai for the day... he called me and asked me to come to spencers to met him.... it was like a mini george's reunion.... nihas, luke, sampath, uday, vivian and i plus 3 of nihas' friends... asshole (his name is some complex sanskrit name starting with a.... i couldnt remember it so i named him asshole to make it easier on everybodies' tongues), vidhya and leha.... this girl vidhya is just like t (hey, i miss you kiddo!)... i even told her that and she was like "puh-lease" just like t!!.... she even has the same type of hair (which she doesnt like cos its really frizzy) and t's humungous, power-puff girl type emotive eyes.... she even gave me the look t gives me when i do something stupid when i sat on the floor.... i managed to make everyone sit on the floor though... and this really annoying security guard comes and throws us all out of his beat... we moved on and disturbed the peace in another wing.... we went around "jollu ollikifying" for a few hours talked about lots of shit... according to asshole, "you guys are all wierd... COOL!" and in the words of leha, "you all are like a bunch of old men reminiscising about school all the time"... basically we hung out... had lunch at the food court and got free coffees and pastries from kwiky's because luke works there..... it was good...
since i have internet at home in malluland i guess ill be online more often... yeah....
and aj... im not sleeping with the fishes...
peacerespectempathy
i wole up today morning, the echoes of strangeness still running through my mind from the freakishly wierd dream of the night before, in a new land... yes, my dear gendle-foolæs... i am in mallu land.... the land of lush green-ness, the land of coconut oil and walrus moushtaches.... yes, im back...
lots of going-ons oh yeah... did my SATs... that went well excepting for the wierd john lennon incident.... there wasw this girl who looked exactly like yoko ono sitting next to me.... after i noticed her i got this wierd ally mcbeal episode going.... john lennon was singing to me during the whole test...... imagine played endlessly.... there was also beautiful boy, give peace a chance and even cold turkey.... it was like haveing the lennon: legend cd playing in my head..... it was good though.... it cooled me down.....
i got my driving license.... yeah, its now perfectly legal for me to drive a light motor vehicle with four wheels and motor cycles with gears... the driving test was disappointing though.... the two wheeler test, what do i say?... i hadnt touched the bike since the great fall of the avinashian butt and when i go to the driving test place they tell me that im up for the test... i somehow managed to do a wobbly figure eight (if the tire would have left marks it should have looked something like a figure eight drawn by a 90 year old with parkinsons) and all that sans the hand signals... i cant ride properly with both hands and i should do hand signals... yeah right.... and the driving test.... it was sad.... i started the car and drove it like fifty meters when the guy says,"very good. next."... i didnt even get the chance to change gears... its like these people want me to crash and die after i get the license.....
we saw the "revenge of the sith" on the third day of international release... actually i was planning to see all the movies in order (i was a star wars virgin prior to episode III) but why should i pass off a chance to see it in RDX... frankly speaking... i liked it... the movie was good... now i gotta get my butt to seeing the rest of the movies... vimal (one of my friends) and i went and saw xXx 2.... astoundingg that samuel l jackson agreed to act in such a shit-piece... it was a frickin' tamil action movie on steroids.... in the local section i saw "Black"... believe it or not, i liked it.... awesome for a bollywood flick... there were a few mistakes though... just because you're blind, deaf and dumb doesnt mean you'd walk like how the girl does... i mean the cross between charlie chaplin and a penguin was a little bit too much.... then towards the end they had the big b making like an old man... frankly that shouldnt be all too tough for him, he's basically there.... well anyway... the wig was like a bad mop from the janitor's closet and him shaking his head made him look like one of those annoying dog things you see people putting in the back of their cars to make the car look "CUTE".... but i forgive them... a hindi movie coming this far.... two thumbs up!
the day before yesterday one of my friends from ooty, nihas, came down to chennai for the day... he called me and asked me to come to spencers to met him.... it was like a mini george's reunion.... nihas, luke, sampath, uday, vivian and i plus 3 of nihas' friends... asshole (his name is some complex sanskrit name starting with a.... i couldnt remember it so i named him asshole to make it easier on everybodies' tongues), vidhya and leha.... this girl vidhya is just like t (hey, i miss you kiddo!)... i even told her that and she was like "puh-lease" just like t!!.... she even has the same type of hair (which she doesnt like cos its really frizzy) and t's humungous, power-puff girl type emotive eyes.... she even gave me the look t gives me when i do something stupid when i sat on the floor.... i managed to make everyone sit on the floor though... and this really annoying security guard comes and throws us all out of his beat... we moved on and disturbed the peace in another wing.... we went around "jollu ollikifying" for a few hours talked about lots of shit... according to asshole, "you guys are all wierd... COOL!" and in the words of leha, "you all are like a bunch of old men reminiscising about school all the time"... basically we hung out... had lunch at the food court and got free coffees and pastries from kwiky's because luke works there..... it was good...
since i have internet at home in malluland i guess ill be online more often... yeah....
and aj... im not sleeping with the fishes...
peacerespectempathy
5.20.2005
temporary insanity
i remembered things which would make any sane man squirm.... i remembered moments that made time seem to stand still... i forgot of myself and my own... i am a non-entity... i believe that my fat is driving me insane... destiny?... NOT!....
i asked Frank (N. Stine) about how i could relish life and all its shitty flavors and he toild me to look at the stars.... orion's belt reminded me of a 3 eyed monkey looking down at me and laughing at my flaws... the bastard!....
later on i went and spoke to this little puppy that sits in my bathroom and helps out by swatting mosquitoes while you take a crap... well, B.W. Gush told me things that helped me through the strenous ordeal of pushing fecal matter out of my butt... i thanked him and went out into the world, ready for whatever may come to harm me.... when suddenly, appu the parrot swooped down on me and plucked out my left eyeball... i had to arm/wing wrestle him to get my eye back after which i cut him up and fed him to B. Dubya G. the lavatory puppy.... the G was really happy....
afterwards i had my lunch of stewed human testicles and ovaries with appams made in the fat of a hundred women.... lyposuction be my food giver... then i met up with David Bowie and he reiminded me of home and friends and family and shawarma after which i heard a philosophical discourse by Dylan in which heclaimed that "The Times They Are A-Changin'".... The truth of what he said struck me so hard that i fell down crying through my epileptic seizure of enlightenment....
"do you like green eggs and ham, sam i am?"....
the truth!... THE TRUTH!!!.... agonizing truth... agonizing pain.... monkey's balls....
oh well.... i took some painkillers, washem them down with some coke and had 68 cookies and laid myself back while i crept into a suger induced coma....
peacerespectempathy
i asked Frank (N. Stine) about how i could relish life and all its shitty flavors and he toild me to look at the stars.... orion's belt reminded me of a 3 eyed monkey looking down at me and laughing at my flaws... the bastard!....
later on i went and spoke to this little puppy that sits in my bathroom and helps out by swatting mosquitoes while you take a crap... well, B.W. Gush told me things that helped me through the strenous ordeal of pushing fecal matter out of my butt... i thanked him and went out into the world, ready for whatever may come to harm me.... when suddenly, appu the parrot swooped down on me and plucked out my left eyeball... i had to arm/wing wrestle him to get my eye back after which i cut him up and fed him to B. Dubya G. the lavatory puppy.... the G was really happy....
afterwards i had my lunch of stewed human testicles and ovaries with appams made in the fat of a hundred women.... lyposuction be my food giver... then i met up with David Bowie and he reiminded me of home and friends and family and shawarma after which i heard a philosophical discourse by Dylan in which heclaimed that "The Times They Are A-Changin'".... The truth of what he said struck me so hard that i fell down crying through my epileptic seizure of enlightenment....
"do you like green eggs and ham, sam i am?"....
the truth!... THE TRUTH!!!.... agonizing truth... agonizing pain.... monkey's balls....
oh well.... i took some painkillers, washem them down with some coke and had 68 cookies and laid myself back while i crept into a suger induced coma....
peacerespectempathy
"Bring Me The Disco King"
this song by David Bowie totally describes how i feel right now.... i wont say anymore....
peacerespectempathy
peacerespectempathy
5.19.2005
confessions of a lonely, homesick mind
when you're lonely, do you dream of acorns and apple sundaes?... do look back and see angels and little puppies?....
turn around, do you miss your hearts and organs?... do you feel like your head is underground?...
do you remember green eggs and ham?... do you remember shawarma and thamia?.... do you remember your true friends?....
well i do....
i do....
peacerespectempathy
turn around, do you miss your hearts and organs?... do you feel like your head is underground?...
do you remember green eggs and ham?... do you remember shawarma and thamia?.... do you remember your true friends?....
well i do....
i do....
peacerespectempathy
5.09.2005
auto-rickshaws are evil
sound : bleaaaah!
i totalled my grandfather's scooter a few days back.... yeah.... me, i'm no good driver.... no way jose.... i panic at the sight of those black and yellow beasts from the nether-worlds..... autorickshaws freak me out man.... i feel like they're there just to make me crash and die or something... it's safer in the car... you got metal on all four sides protecting you from these maniacs.... but ona two wheeler.... brrr... im getting shivers here....
i was at this junction driving like an old man,... i musta been goin at like 20 k per hour or something.... not more.... truly... i wait at this signal and i'm one pof the last to move... i guess this bastard wanted to go before the signal turned red or something... but he cuts me off real rough-like aand i go and crash into the center partition.... i managed to turn bit and i scrape to a stop.... my jeans were torn and my leg was bleeding like crazy.... this cop comes to me all worried and stuff (he was a nice guy) nd tells me to take an auto home.... i was like "no way!".... i somehow managed to ride the scooter home with a severely damaged steering....
the wierd thing is that iwasnt scared a bit..... i thought that all the loudmouthing ive done about me not being scared of death wasnt real... but the truth is that i wouldnt hve minded dieing just then.... just leave my face intact eh... heh heh heh.... yeah.... thats all for now... im outta time... ciao world...
i now sink back into my tar pit.....
i totalled my grandfather's scooter a few days back.... yeah.... me, i'm no good driver.... no way jose.... i panic at the sight of those black and yellow beasts from the nether-worlds..... autorickshaws freak me out man.... i feel like they're there just to make me crash and die or something... it's safer in the car... you got metal on all four sides protecting you from these maniacs.... but ona two wheeler.... brrr... im getting shivers here....
i was at this junction driving like an old man,... i musta been goin at like 20 k per hour or something.... not more.... truly... i wait at this signal and i'm one pof the last to move... i guess this bastard wanted to go before the signal turned red or something... but he cuts me off real rough-like aand i go and crash into the center partition.... i managed to turn bit and i scrape to a stop.... my jeans were torn and my leg was bleeding like crazy.... this cop comes to me all worried and stuff (he was a nice guy) nd tells me to take an auto home.... i was like "no way!".... i somehow managed to ride the scooter home with a severely damaged steering....
the wierd thing is that iwasnt scared a bit..... i thought that all the loudmouthing ive done about me not being scared of death wasnt real... but the truth is that i wouldnt hve minded dieing just then.... just leave my face intact eh... heh heh heh.... yeah.... thats all for now... im outta time... ciao world...
i now sink back into my tar pit.....
5.03.2005
Asia Electrik
sound : JENNY FROM THE BLOCK!!!!!... (thats whats playing in the cafe)
seriously ladies and germs.... its been a while... my chances of coming online are near zero.... thers no internet at home and no cafe anyplace nearby.... what a bummer.... oh well... theres lots to spew....
reached here a few days back... people were pleasantly surprised by the way i looked... even my grandfather didnt bitch or anything... personally.... i feel im just like him... hence my sudden liking towards the guy... plus the fact that he got me a discman!!!... thats a whole other story though.... on the first day he comes to me wih a photo.. it was an old black and white group photo of his brothers and his dad.... and believe it or not... i look exactly like him... glasses and all.....
amrith called me then... he was like "has avinash arrived yet?".... heh heh heh.... my reply to that was "AMU! BASTARD!".... well i went over to his place cos it was his birthday and stuff.... we went and had a nice ethnic dinner at "Murugan's Idli Shop"... seriously... for some reason the name drove me crazy.... the food was good though... we ate masala dosas and onion oothappams.... yummy.....
arjun came all the way from wherever he stays just to see me... ok im flattering myself there... but yeah... it was cool to see tanky.... we (that being tanky alias arjun, amu, net alias nethra (amu's girl) and i) went and watched hitch... blech... i didnt like it... i kept myself occupied by irritating tanky (o that brought back memories).... plus the popcorn sucked.... after that we went to bikes and barrels and had a beer... my first in 2 or 3 years.... the place was great... the music was good.... they played jimi hendrix and led zeppelin and rhcp and stuff.... it was good... we all had a good talk.... net was nice... mostly after i meet somebody's girl i'd be making fun of em... but this kid is good for amrith... or maybe its because im growing older?.... hmm.....
oh yeah... my granddad got me a discman.... a sony atrac-3 plus thingy... its nice.... i finally have music back in my life... oh yeah... theres VH1 too... VH1 is nice... they play only english songs and they play good old stuff... like i saw zeppelin's "whole lotta love" yeaterday... i saw stp's plush too... all good....
my uncle took me to an Asia Electrik show yesterday... actually it was the 170th guru pooja at their family temple but they had a show because sivamani is his first cousin..... hell yeah.... SIVAMANI IS MY UNCLE'S FIRST COUSIN!!!... asia electrik consist of sivaman doing percussion, louis banks on synthesiser and niladiri kumar on sitar.... man oh man... just think,..... sivamani, india's greatest drummer ever... louis banks, india's formost jazz-man and niladiri kumar... the greatest sitarist after shri ravishankar.... it was awesome.... sivamani would go on these occasional blitzkrieg rampages on his new yamaha drum kit where you'd actually feel your clothes and hair being blown back thanks to the immense bass thwumping out of those massive speakers.... louis banks... the dude may be old but the man oozes attitude.... he would play the synth like he were the king of the world... and niladiri... i mean WOW!!!... the guy stole the show.... he really enjoyed playing... we could tell because he was smiling the whole time.... and his fingers are fucking amazing... the man shone.... he was playing an electric sitar through a boss effects box... the sounds he mad out of those things... and the speed... the speed... at times he sounded like some master shredder going at ludicrous speed over the frets of his/her axe.... the mans hands moved like lightning.... he'd play like there was no tomorrow and still be smiling.... there was this vocalist too...on the first piece... her name was kalpana... a voice of mercury... smooth, beautiful and heavy with emotion..... the whole thing was awesome... after the last song sivamani invited his brother and two other up and coming drummers to come up and show their skills off... they were great... after that it was a free for all.... the next guy was astounding... looked like an ordinary person off the street... but the way he played.... louis banks was smilin (and for the first time), even sivamani couldnt resist joining in with him.... after that there were two more guys.... they were great too....
after the show... my cousin helped me get all of their autographs plus we (haran uncle, rohan, karthik, akshay and i) had our picture taken with the band.... it was awesome.... i guess getting to watch such talented musicians come only once in a lifetime huh?...
oh yeah.... i was talking to sivamani's brother after the photo and he asked me whether i played drums cos he claimed that i looked like a drummer... i told him that i played guitar and he was like "Cool!"...
oh yeah... i gonna get he video of the show from my uncle... now thats cool!....
arjun left to go home yesterday... thing is he needed to buy a guitar.... and he wanted me to come and help him chose..... well, we got a double holed, rose wood acoustic... its awesome... the ton is rich and clean and the feel of the whole thing is beautiful.... nice...
i still cant get the asia electrik show out of my head.... oh yeah... this wat their first show in their upcoming world tour... if anybody reading this has a chance of seeing them... go for it... you wont be disappointed....
trust me...
peacerespectempathy
seriously ladies and germs.... its been a while... my chances of coming online are near zero.... thers no internet at home and no cafe anyplace nearby.... what a bummer.... oh well... theres lots to spew....
reached here a few days back... people were pleasantly surprised by the way i looked... even my grandfather didnt bitch or anything... personally.... i feel im just like him... hence my sudden liking towards the guy... plus the fact that he got me a discman!!!... thats a whole other story though.... on the first day he comes to me wih a photo.. it was an old black and white group photo of his brothers and his dad.... and believe it or not... i look exactly like him... glasses and all.....
amrith called me then... he was like "has avinash arrived yet?".... heh heh heh.... my reply to that was "AMU! BASTARD!".... well i went over to his place cos it was his birthday and stuff.... we went and had a nice ethnic dinner at "Murugan's Idli Shop"... seriously... for some reason the name drove me crazy.... the food was good though... we ate masala dosas and onion oothappams.... yummy.....
arjun came all the way from wherever he stays just to see me... ok im flattering myself there... but yeah... it was cool to see tanky.... we (that being tanky alias arjun, amu, net alias nethra (amu's girl) and i) went and watched hitch... blech... i didnt like it... i kept myself occupied by irritating tanky (o that brought back memories).... plus the popcorn sucked.... after that we went to bikes and barrels and had a beer... my first in 2 or 3 years.... the place was great... the music was good.... they played jimi hendrix and led zeppelin and rhcp and stuff.... it was good... we all had a good talk.... net was nice... mostly after i meet somebody's girl i'd be making fun of em... but this kid is good for amrith... or maybe its because im growing older?.... hmm.....
oh yeah... my granddad got me a discman.... a sony atrac-3 plus thingy... its nice.... i finally have music back in my life... oh yeah... theres VH1 too... VH1 is nice... they play only english songs and they play good old stuff... like i saw zeppelin's "whole lotta love" yeaterday... i saw stp's plush too... all good....
my uncle took me to an Asia Electrik show yesterday... actually it was the 170th guru pooja at their family temple but they had a show because sivamani is his first cousin..... hell yeah.... SIVAMANI IS MY UNCLE'S FIRST COUSIN!!!... asia electrik consist of sivaman doing percussion, louis banks on synthesiser and niladiri kumar on sitar.... man oh man... just think,..... sivamani, india's greatest drummer ever... louis banks, india's formost jazz-man and niladiri kumar... the greatest sitarist after shri ravishankar.... it was awesome.... sivamani would go on these occasional blitzkrieg rampages on his new yamaha drum kit where you'd actually feel your clothes and hair being blown back thanks to the immense bass thwumping out of those massive speakers.... louis banks... the dude may be old but the man oozes attitude.... he would play the synth like he were the king of the world... and niladiri... i mean WOW!!!... the guy stole the show.... he really enjoyed playing... we could tell because he was smiling the whole time.... and his fingers are fucking amazing... the man shone.... he was playing an electric sitar through a boss effects box... the sounds he mad out of those things... and the speed... the speed... at times he sounded like some master shredder going at ludicrous speed over the frets of his/her axe.... the mans hands moved like lightning.... he'd play like there was no tomorrow and still be smiling.... there was this vocalist too...on the first piece... her name was kalpana... a voice of mercury... smooth, beautiful and heavy with emotion..... the whole thing was awesome... after the last song sivamani invited his brother and two other up and coming drummers to come up and show their skills off... they were great... after that it was a free for all.... the next guy was astounding... looked like an ordinary person off the street... but the way he played.... louis banks was smilin (and for the first time), even sivamani couldnt resist joining in with him.... after that there were two more guys.... they were great too....
after the show... my cousin helped me get all of their autographs plus we (haran uncle, rohan, karthik, akshay and i) had our picture taken with the band.... it was awesome.... i guess getting to watch such talented musicians come only once in a lifetime huh?...
oh yeah.... i was talking to sivamani's brother after the photo and he asked me whether i played drums cos he claimed that i looked like a drummer... i told him that i played guitar and he was like "Cool!"...
oh yeah... i gonna get he video of the show from my uncle... now thats cool!....
arjun left to go home yesterday... thing is he needed to buy a guitar.... and he wanted me to come and help him chose..... well, we got a double holed, rose wood acoustic... its awesome... the ton is rich and clean and the feel of the whole thing is beautiful.... nice...
i still cant get the asia electrik show out of my head.... oh yeah... this wat their first show in their upcoming world tour... if anybody reading this has a chance of seeing them... go for it... you wont be disappointed....
trust me...
peacerespectempathy
4.21.2005
"Clarice, do you still hear the lambs?"
sound : Exiles - King Crimson
is it just me or does jo ratzinger/benedict xvi look a lot like sir anthony hopkins as Dr Hannibal Lector in silence of the lambs/red dragon/ hannibal?....
"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chiante...."
peacerespectempathy
is it just me or does jo ratzinger/benedict xvi look a lot like sir anthony hopkins as Dr Hannibal Lector in silence of the lambs/red dragon/ hannibal?....
"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chiante...."
peacerespectempathy
4.18.2005
Jammin'
sound : Book Of Saturday - King Crimson
i went on a circuit around MG road in cochin... frankly speaking, of what i saw... cochin isn't all that it's hyped up to be... agreed i didn't go anywhere but hey... it didn't seem all too interesting in my eyes...
at first i went to music world... it was 9 in the morning and music world was closed... they said they'd open at 10, so i think to myself, "why not go for a walk?"... so i walk down the road, all the while getting sared at.... i walk into this bookstore (don't remember the name) and look around... the ac is busted so it's boiling in there... not to forget the fact that it's a million degrees outside... the shop was kinda small but they had a lot of good books... as usual i ask for Anthony Keidis' "Scar Tissue", they've never heard of it.... well i'm just browsing and i see "holy blood, holy grail"... ii'm thniking why not but then i realise i need to hit music world... i walk all the way back to music world and you know what?... it's still closed... i look around and i see a planet m across the road... and it was open!... i go there and look around... cd prices have gon down in india... last time i was here they were 550 bucks a cd... right now they're 390.... now thats real nice... plus planet m has all the good stuff... cream, zeppelin, the who, king crimson... everything... good stuff... i bought king crimson's "Larks' Tounges In Aspic"... it was only 290 bucks!... the 30th anniversary, 24 bit remaster...
then i walk all the way to manuel industries in my never-ending search for a slide and a capo.... they had slides alright... but for hawaiian guitar, not finger slides... and i didnt like their capo... what the heck, i sat down and started fooling around with their guitars... there was this 12 string that i kinda liked... just Rs 1950.... i was playing around with a spanish guitar when this big, australian guy comes up to me and asks me if i play... he was there buying traditional indian instruments for his collection and stuff... he picks yup a guitar and we both played stairway together... after tht he took his stuff and left... the cool thing is that through this whole thing we didnt bother finding out the others' names... we spoke about zeppelin and crimson and clapton and bowie and stuff (this guy was oldish... about 50 or something).... thats how we got to playing stairway... he was way better than me though... none-the less, it was cool....
i guess i've had one of those things known as a good day... it's been so long since i've had one....
PS: i'm trying to download MSN messenger here... the connection is really fucked up, it gets disconnected every half hour... as soon as i get it i'll let everyone know....
PPS: i'll post a review of "Larks' Toungue in Aspic" as soon as i listen to it...
peacerespectempathy
i went on a circuit around MG road in cochin... frankly speaking, of what i saw... cochin isn't all that it's hyped up to be... agreed i didn't go anywhere but hey... it didn't seem all too interesting in my eyes...
at first i went to music world... it was 9 in the morning and music world was closed... they said they'd open at 10, so i think to myself, "why not go for a walk?"... so i walk down the road, all the while getting sared at.... i walk into this bookstore (don't remember the name) and look around... the ac is busted so it's boiling in there... not to forget the fact that it's a million degrees outside... the shop was kinda small but they had a lot of good books... as usual i ask for Anthony Keidis' "Scar Tissue", they've never heard of it.... well i'm just browsing and i see "holy blood, holy grail"... ii'm thniking why not but then i realise i need to hit music world... i walk all the way back to music world and you know what?... it's still closed... i look around and i see a planet m across the road... and it was open!... i go there and look around... cd prices have gon down in india... last time i was here they were 550 bucks a cd... right now they're 390.... now thats real nice... plus planet m has all the good stuff... cream, zeppelin, the who, king crimson... everything... good stuff... i bought king crimson's "Larks' Tounges In Aspic"... it was only 290 bucks!... the 30th anniversary, 24 bit remaster...
then i walk all the way to manuel industries in my never-ending search for a slide and a capo.... they had slides alright... but for hawaiian guitar, not finger slides... and i didnt like their capo... what the heck, i sat down and started fooling around with their guitars... there was this 12 string that i kinda liked... just Rs 1950.... i was playing around with a spanish guitar when this big, australian guy comes up to me and asks me if i play... he was there buying traditional indian instruments for his collection and stuff... he picks yup a guitar and we both played stairway together... after tht he took his stuff and left... the cool thing is that through this whole thing we didnt bother finding out the others' names... we spoke about zeppelin and crimson and clapton and bowie and stuff (this guy was oldish... about 50 or something).... thats how we got to playing stairway... he was way better than me though... none-the less, it was cool....
i guess i've had one of those things known as a good day... it's been so long since i've had one....
PS: i'm trying to download MSN messenger here... the connection is really fucked up, it gets disconnected every half hour... as soon as i get it i'll let everyone know....
PPS: i'll post a review of "Larks' Toungue in Aspic" as soon as i listen to it...
peacerespectempathy
4.17.2005
an update
sound : i'm listening to the rocks grow...
something i forgot to mention in my first post from malluland... this will totally destroy arun's and ajnu's theories of my supposed "hotness"... this happened in the sharjah airport... i had my guitar in it's gig-bag and it was slung around my back... i whacked this lady with it while i was pulling it up... i seriously didn't see her... i went like, "whoa! sorry 'bout that!" and she was all pissed off... she said something like "watch where you're going." and i think she called me a dumbass... i'm not too sure what it was but there was something that she said after she told me to watch where i was going.... i think it was dumbass.... i'm not too sure about that... must have been something worse because i seriously whacked her in the face with the guitar... she must have been pissed...
heh heh heh... i'm the clumsy love-god!...
peacerespectempathy
something i forgot to mention in my first post from malluland... this will totally destroy arun's and ajnu's theories of my supposed "hotness"... this happened in the sharjah airport... i had my guitar in it's gig-bag and it was slung around my back... i whacked this lady with it while i was pulling it up... i seriously didn't see her... i went like, "whoa! sorry 'bout that!" and she was all pissed off... she said something like "watch where you're going." and i think she called me a dumbass... i'm not too sure what it was but there was something that she said after she told me to watch where i was going.... i think it was dumbass.... i'm not too sure about that... must have been something worse because i seriously whacked her in the face with the guitar... she must have been pissed...
heh heh heh... i'm the clumsy love-god!...
peacerespectempathy
4.16.2005
Heil Kaiser!
sound : nothing!
this is what happens when you force somebody to wake up at the most un-god-dudely hours to go to church... i wore my t-shirt upside down and i didn't realise it till the ending of mass... and the mass was looooooong!... and i dont mean just long i mean fucking forever man... the priest dragged everything... he sang the mass and it didnt even sound melodious or anything... and the songs... "ouch baby! very ouch!"... there was this guy who sang like a dying jack-ass... literally... he was braying like his life depended on it... i know i can't sing but hey... i could sing a hindi song and make it sound better than that guy singing his hymn.... man....
why did i have to go?... cos my grandma would have a coronary if she were to know that i don't have faith... these people are so lost in their tiny little worlds that they don't realise that there are ways of living unlike theirs...
the place is beautiful, no doubt about that... today, i took a walk along the river bank and sat down at a bunch of stairs... i put my feet into the water and sat there for like a half hour just thinking and looking around... it felt real nice... all it lacked was some ambient music.... i miss music... i plan on frequenting the spot... atleast there i get some microbial amount of privacy....
my plan to teach myself metallica's "nothing else matters" has been put on hold for a while... i don't have the album version and i dont have anyplace to listen to and play the song.... and not to forget, o privacy what-so ever.... i got my cousins over... tres annoyeux!.... i can't even play guitar anymore... and if i try, they come and start staring... agreed that's normal behaviour but hey.... i need my "alone time"....
for dumping my "nothing else matters" project i plan on taking on a new one... i plan on trying to train the mongrel thats tied up near the chicken coop.... it's the most chicken-hearted dog in the world... not to mention lazy.... the thing hates to move off it's place... and it shies away from people... everybody here calls it just "patti" but i heard mariam aunty named in Kaiser... a strong german tough dog name for this worm of a mongrel... how ironic.... it's still scared of me... but i guess i can make it get over that (i think its because i growled at it when it barked at me... hmm...) i plan on removing the ticks sticking to it's left ear, thereby getting into its good books as a good human (how rare is that?... a good human) who is also the leader of the pack... i guess the latter is already true because it shoves it's tail between it's legs and flattens it's ears each time i go near it.... give me time... i can make a respectable mongrel out of it yet....
there's two good things about kerala though... firstly, i feel kinda inspired... maybe it's the greenery... maybe it's all the thinking i've been able to do when i go for my walks... but i feel inspired... but the problem is that i do not have enough privacy for creation... i don't like having people looking over my shoulder all the time... makes me feel claustrophobic.... right now i'm lucky.. everybody's gone for a wedding (yuck!) and my cousins have gone for a movie... it's just my aunt (asleep), akshay (watching tv... he respects my privacy) and i.... secondly, i'm watching "that '70s show" daily"... not having sta world in jeddah i hadn't watched it i months... now i watch it daily...
heh heh heh.... hilarious stuff...
i'm thinking of going to the city to get myself a book... something good... a thinker... and then, i go to my spot on the river bank and read....
that's a good idea...
peacerespectempathy
this is what happens when you force somebody to wake up at the most un-god-dudely hours to go to church... i wore my t-shirt upside down and i didn't realise it till the ending of mass... and the mass was looooooong!... and i dont mean just long i mean fucking forever man... the priest dragged everything... he sang the mass and it didnt even sound melodious or anything... and the songs... "ouch baby! very ouch!"... there was this guy who sang like a dying jack-ass... literally... he was braying like his life depended on it... i know i can't sing but hey... i could sing a hindi song and make it sound better than that guy singing his hymn.... man....
why did i have to go?... cos my grandma would have a coronary if she were to know that i don't have faith... these people are so lost in their tiny little worlds that they don't realise that there are ways of living unlike theirs...
the place is beautiful, no doubt about that... today, i took a walk along the river bank and sat down at a bunch of stairs... i put my feet into the water and sat there for like a half hour just thinking and looking around... it felt real nice... all it lacked was some ambient music.... i miss music... i plan on frequenting the spot... atleast there i get some microbial amount of privacy....
my plan to teach myself metallica's "nothing else matters" has been put on hold for a while... i don't have the album version and i dont have anyplace to listen to and play the song.... and not to forget, o privacy what-so ever.... i got my cousins over... tres annoyeux!.... i can't even play guitar anymore... and if i try, they come and start staring... agreed that's normal behaviour but hey.... i need my "alone time"....
for dumping my "nothing else matters" project i plan on taking on a new one... i plan on trying to train the mongrel thats tied up near the chicken coop.... it's the most chicken-hearted dog in the world... not to mention lazy.... the thing hates to move off it's place... and it shies away from people... everybody here calls it just "patti" but i heard mariam aunty named in Kaiser... a strong german tough dog name for this worm of a mongrel... how ironic.... it's still scared of me... but i guess i can make it get over that (i think its because i growled at it when it barked at me... hmm...) i plan on removing the ticks sticking to it's left ear, thereby getting into its good books as a good human (how rare is that?... a good human) who is also the leader of the pack... i guess the latter is already true because it shoves it's tail between it's legs and flattens it's ears each time i go near it.... give me time... i can make a respectable mongrel out of it yet....
there's two good things about kerala though... firstly, i feel kinda inspired... maybe it's the greenery... maybe it's all the thinking i've been able to do when i go for my walks... but i feel inspired... but the problem is that i do not have enough privacy for creation... i don't like having people looking over my shoulder all the time... makes me feel claustrophobic.... right now i'm lucky.. everybody's gone for a wedding (yuck!) and my cousins have gone for a movie... it's just my aunt (asleep), akshay (watching tv... he respects my privacy) and i.... secondly, i'm watching "that '70s show" daily"... not having sta world in jeddah i hadn't watched it i months... now i watch it daily...
Hyde:
"Guys, you know what God's greatest creation is?
... Boobs man!"
Fez:
"Yeah...heh heh heh
And then God said,
"Let there be boobs!"
And it was good"
heh heh heh.... hilarious stuff...
i'm thinking of going to the city to get myself a book... something good... a thinker... and then, i go to my spot on the river bank and read....
that's a good idea...
peacerespectempathy
4.15.2005
"My Gucci's are frickin' magical dude!!!"
sound : Time - Pink Floyd
i'm here... i'm in kerala... chirakadavu to be exact... how am i?... surrounded by bugs, cursing at the gods of electricity, praying to the god(esse)s of music... fine, i guess...
the journey was good... yeah... had a small chat with one of the stewardesses on the flight from sharjah to bombay about me being the entertainment for the flight... told her that i might, just for her... that made her smile... then the two days at bombay were good... actually, one of those days was awesome... got t out of her school and spent the day with her... she's still all good but never got the time for a proper one-on-one... always had the folks and akshay around... but it was awesome... felt nice to have t around... she's like sunshine... yeah... sunshine... and me... i was the flower basking i her radiance.... i love that kid....
then there's his grand uncle of mine in bombay... we call him zacari uncle... before we entered his house, mama was like, "avi, you'll like this guy."... i was sceptical...the first glimpse i see of him is him sitting on his chair reading "The Alchemist"!... he was real cool... reads a ton of books... quotes poetry and shakespeare.... is a major '50s fan... he considers marilyn monroe a goddess... we sat and watched monroe's "Niagara"... frankly speaking... i kinda liked the movie... then he played some sinatra while we talked and had lunch.... he can sing too... he's all '50s... a real cool guy... he has an awesome dvd collection (think psycho, pygmallion, fiddler on the roof and a ton of marilyn monroe movies) and listens to great music... frank sinatra, simon and garfunkel and bob dylan to name a few... then when we were leaving he gave me a dvd... al pacino's "taxi driver"!!!... he said he knew that it was my type of movie!... and thanks to me being in malluland, there's no way on earth that i can play it here...none-the less, i was touched... this guy's met me just once in my life (not counting the time when i was 5 or 4 or something) and we connect... why didn't i meet him earlier?... he gave me his email address and told me to write him... and i will... now that's a cool old guy...
on the trip from bombay to malluland... well, i slept through the whole flight... didnt bother talking with the stewardess on my part of the plane cos she was all middle-aged and flabby and grumpy and stuff... sheesh!... was looking around at the duty free at the bombay (what kind of a name is mumbhai?.. i hate it... i prefer bombay) airport and the two girls who work in it come up to me and start a conversation... i was in awe of myself... i was never such a good flirt but there, i ruled!... hell yeah... while standing in the line i got to thinking... me: fat, short and ugly... the girls at the duty free: nice, sweet, sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice types.... why was it that they came up to me... what in god-dude's holy name made them get the idea that they wanted to know my name and where im from and where i study and stuff... then it struck me... the answer was that simple... the answer was right there on the tip of my nose (quite literally too)... my new glasses!!!!... my glasses are magical without a doubt... it managed to convert a girl repellant fat-dude into an interesting love-god!... ok, i'm goin' way ahead of myself there... but yeah... i may not be a love-god but i'm better off than being a girl-repellor.... my gucci's are frickin' magical dude!!!
home-sickness is kinda new to me... i may have studied in boardingschool since i was ten years old but the closest i've ever come to home-sickness was missing my parents in the first two weeks of school in the sixth grade... i never was much of a home person... i asked and left home at age ten... but now... it's different... its nopt my folks i'm missing... no... its other people... i miss jeddah... i miss the people in jeddah... i miss every one of them... my dearest friends arun, ajnu, tina, akhil, neet, joel, jaimie... the older people: alex unc, joji nt, thankachen unc, susan nt, chachen, sunil unc, etc... even the little kids... aswati, neha, veni, shedda and lots more.... the love i feel for these human beings is so much... i guess its the closest i can get to paolo coehlo's description of agape... agape being the love that consumes, agape being the finality of eros and philos.... the all-consuming love... yes, this is what i feel for these people... agape... i controlled myself from crying at home the day before leaving but i couldnt help mysself in the aiport... i didn't cry out loud but i let my tears flow freely... it felt good in a bitter-sweet sorta way... all of us standing around hugging each other and crying in a way of just sharing our love for each other... that is the purest form of love... when you can open your hearts and your souls to a group of people... that is philos... it is with philos that people heal themselves during group therapies... that is exactly what it is... philos... people baring their souls to other people who in turn bare their's to you.... this is the purest and most beautiful form of love that i have ever experienced in my as-yet short, pointless, inexperienced existance on this realm...for all of you who have been there for me, i love you... for those that are my true friends, i love you...
the iPod is available in bombay... well not legally but smuggled... what the hell though... the thing is available sans any taxes... the shuffle is just Rs. 5200!!!... all this when i dont have any money.... yeah, i didn't get a discman yet.... i feel musically starved... right now i'm listening to pink floyd on these fucked up speakers on the pc....
i miss my friends... i miss home... i hate malluland... theres never any electricity and im constantly covered by a three inch layer of bugs....
i miss my friends....
i hate malluland...
peacerespectempathy
i'm here... i'm in kerala... chirakadavu to be exact... how am i?... surrounded by bugs, cursing at the gods of electricity, praying to the god(esse)s of music... fine, i guess...
the journey was good... yeah... had a small chat with one of the stewardesses on the flight from sharjah to bombay about me being the entertainment for the flight... told her that i might, just for her... that made her smile... then the two days at bombay were good... actually, one of those days was awesome... got t out of her school and spent the day with her... she's still all good but never got the time for a proper one-on-one... always had the folks and akshay around... but it was awesome... felt nice to have t around... she's like sunshine... yeah... sunshine... and me... i was the flower basking i her radiance.... i love that kid....
then there's his grand uncle of mine in bombay... we call him zacari uncle... before we entered his house, mama was like, "avi, you'll like this guy."... i was sceptical...the first glimpse i see of him is him sitting on his chair reading "The Alchemist"!... he was real cool... reads a ton of books... quotes poetry and shakespeare.... is a major '50s fan... he considers marilyn monroe a goddess... we sat and watched monroe's "Niagara"... frankly speaking... i kinda liked the movie... then he played some sinatra while we talked and had lunch.... he can sing too... he's all '50s... a real cool guy... he has an awesome dvd collection (think psycho, pygmallion, fiddler on the roof and a ton of marilyn monroe movies) and listens to great music... frank sinatra, simon and garfunkel and bob dylan to name a few... then when we were leaving he gave me a dvd... al pacino's "taxi driver"!!!... he said he knew that it was my type of movie!... and thanks to me being in malluland, there's no way on earth that i can play it here...none-the less, i was touched... this guy's met me just once in my life (not counting the time when i was 5 or 4 or something) and we connect... why didn't i meet him earlier?... he gave me his email address and told me to write him... and i will... now that's a cool old guy...
on the trip from bombay to malluland... well, i slept through the whole flight... didnt bother talking with the stewardess on my part of the plane cos she was all middle-aged and flabby and grumpy and stuff... sheesh!... was looking around at the duty free at the bombay (what kind of a name is mumbhai?.. i hate it... i prefer bombay) airport and the two girls who work in it come up to me and start a conversation... i was in awe of myself... i was never such a good flirt but there, i ruled!... hell yeah... while standing in the line i got to thinking... me: fat, short and ugly... the girls at the duty free: nice, sweet, sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice types.... why was it that they came up to me... what in god-dude's holy name made them get the idea that they wanted to know my name and where im from and where i study and stuff... then it struck me... the answer was that simple... the answer was right there on the tip of my nose (quite literally too)... my new glasses!!!!... my glasses are magical without a doubt... it managed to convert a girl repellant fat-dude into an interesting love-god!... ok, i'm goin' way ahead of myself there... but yeah... i may not be a love-god but i'm better off than being a girl-repellor.... my gucci's are frickin' magical dude!!!
home-sickness is kinda new to me... i may have studied in boardingschool since i was ten years old but the closest i've ever come to home-sickness was missing my parents in the first two weeks of school in the sixth grade... i never was much of a home person... i asked and left home at age ten... but now... it's different... its nopt my folks i'm missing... no... its other people... i miss jeddah... i miss the people in jeddah... i miss every one of them... my dearest friends arun, ajnu, tina, akhil, neet, joel, jaimie... the older people: alex unc, joji nt, thankachen unc, susan nt, chachen, sunil unc, etc... even the little kids... aswati, neha, veni, shedda and lots more.... the love i feel for these human beings is so much... i guess its the closest i can get to paolo coehlo's description of agape... agape being the love that consumes, agape being the finality of eros and philos.... the all-consuming love... yes, this is what i feel for these people... agape... i controlled myself from crying at home the day before leaving but i couldnt help mysself in the aiport... i didn't cry out loud but i let my tears flow freely... it felt good in a bitter-sweet sorta way... all of us standing around hugging each other and crying in a way of just sharing our love for each other... that is the purest form of love... when you can open your hearts and your souls to a group of people... that is philos... it is with philos that people heal themselves during group therapies... that is exactly what it is... philos... people baring their souls to other people who in turn bare their's to you.... this is the purest and most beautiful form of love that i have ever experienced in my as-yet short, pointless, inexperienced existance on this realm...for all of you who have been there for me, i love you... for those that are my true friends, i love you...
the iPod is available in bombay... well not legally but smuggled... what the hell though... the thing is available sans any taxes... the shuffle is just Rs. 5200!!!... all this when i dont have any money.... yeah, i didn't get a discman yet.... i feel musically starved... right now i'm listening to pink floyd on these fucked up speakers on the pc....
i miss my friends... i miss home... i hate malluland... theres never any electricity and im constantly covered by a three inch layer of bugs....
i miss my friends....
i hate malluland...
peacerespectempathy
4.08.2005
Where has all the happiness gone?
sound : The Times They Are A-Changing - Bob Dylan
Where has all the happiness gone?... i am surrounded by gloom... ajnu is really moody... akhil's all confused... he's happy about neet being here but there's something bothering him... me, i'm just plain pissed....
neet came today, and along with her there's her unending happiness (how does she do it?)... she's like a breath of fresh air in this smog of our collective despair... what the fuck happened to all the happy kids that we were?... why oh why do we all moan and complain?.... where has all the happiness gone?...
why is adolescance synonimous with moodiness and depression?... why should we all HAVE to know the paths of our lives at twenty?... where did all those happy, smiling faces go?... all those dreams and visions of paradise?... where they all fake?... what has become of us?.... where did the dreamers in us go?... is it just me, or do dreams never ever come true nowadays?....
where did all that vitality and pride go?.... where is all that excitement that all the kids had possessed?... where did our easter bunnies and santa clauses and jesus christs go?... where are our pillars?... who are our rocks?... and whatever did happen to our parental bonds?....
where did our constancy go?... where do our lives lead us to?... do we even have something better out there?... where did the truth go?... where are all of our dreams and hopes gone?... where are our beliefs?....
maybe we'll find all that we've lost and be the perfect adult... or maybe (and most likely) it'll be that we forget our individuality... we'll turn into that we despise... the onset of adulthood in not marked by the growth of facial hair or pubic hair or even academic merit... no, i believe that adulthood is attained when we either lose our every shred of individuality and turn into another mindless bum or when we accept our quirks and differences and let our innner child(ren) grow into a unique individual.... most of us go the way of the ignoramus, the every-person.... i just hope that i dont....
but back to the main point...
Where has all the happiness gone?
peacerespectempathy
Where has all the happiness gone?... i am surrounded by gloom... ajnu is really moody... akhil's all confused... he's happy about neet being here but there's something bothering him... me, i'm just plain pissed....
neet came today, and along with her there's her unending happiness (how does she do it?)... she's like a breath of fresh air in this smog of our collective despair... what the fuck happened to all the happy kids that we were?... why oh why do we all moan and complain?.... where has all the happiness gone?...
why is adolescance synonimous with moodiness and depression?... why should we all HAVE to know the paths of our lives at twenty?... where did all those happy, smiling faces go?... all those dreams and visions of paradise?... where they all fake?... what has become of us?.... where did the dreamers in us go?... is it just me, or do dreams never ever come true nowadays?....
Come mothers and fathers throughout the land,
And dont criticize what you can't understand.
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
Your own road is rapidly aging-
For the times they are a-changing.
where did all that vitality and pride go?.... where is all that excitement that all the kids had possessed?... where did our easter bunnies and santa clauses and jesus christs go?... where are our pillars?... who are our rocks?... and whatever did happen to our parental bonds?....
where did our constancy go?... where do our lives lead us to?... do we even have something better out there?... where did the truth go?... where are all of our dreams and hopes gone?... where are our beliefs?....
maybe we'll find all that we've lost and be the perfect adult... or maybe (and most likely) it'll be that we forget our individuality... we'll turn into that we despise... the onset of adulthood in not marked by the growth of facial hair or pubic hair or even academic merit... no, i believe that adulthood is attained when we either lose our every shred of individuality and turn into another mindless bum or when we accept our quirks and differences and let our innner child(ren) grow into a unique individual.... most of us go the way of the ignoramus, the every-person.... i just hope that i dont....
but back to the main point...
Where has all the happiness gone?
peacerespectempathy
4.07.2005
"The baffled king composing hallelujah..."
sound : Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
i feel choked.... no air passes through my throat... i'm strangled by this feeling of total helplessness... agreed that i want to leave this shit-hole... but its the people... i'll miss everybody... i was supposed to type out individual goodbyes but i doubt that i'm strong enough for something that final.... i did a few back in january... but i can't do it now... not again... not now.... i know i'm gonna drown in the cliche-ness of the following statement, but it's true none the less... i'm drowning in loneliness... as neil diamond put it.... "I'm a solitary man."... all that we (that being aj, akhil and i) had planned out for the last few days of mine in Saudi Arabia hasen't worked out as planned... everybody's had their shit to deal with.... it ain't fair....
the worst thing is that i'm gonna have to leave all these kids behind... arun reminded me of things which i havent even thought about... amongst us... my major connection with these kids was music... i was the music person... i was the one who helped in skewing the musical tastes of these kids... and i'm proud of it.... i love it that there are kids here who listen to radiohead, a perfect circle and led zeppelin.....
its like what arun said... every sound you hear is connected to some memory... every memory is in turn connected to its own emotion... its these smotions that drive us... we are all emotive entities... more or less similar to instinctive animals but (i doubt it) far more superior intelectually...
murphy's law has this really fucked up way of not screwing up on itself... its foolproof... its incredible how murphster's law manages to mess up each and every plan that we've ever concieved, yet, it doesnt pull off a Wile E and fall down a cliff.... murph-man always reigns... we gotta make a law against the law, murphy's law that is.... none of our plans have worked out... and i mean none...zilch.. nada... abso-fuckin'-lutely nothing... all our plans... watching movies together, me cooking something for everybody, pigging out at pizza hut (well, that was my fault actually... i got all senti-mental and stuff)... the truth is... nothing went according to plan...
oh yeah... neet arrives here today... and i leave the day after... i am god-dude's little chew toy....
i'm still posponing my goodbyes... i doubt if i can stay straight faced through it... i cant help it... i am a frickin virgo...
DAMN! i hate my feminine side.....
peacerespectempathy
i feel choked.... no air passes through my throat... i'm strangled by this feeling of total helplessness... agreed that i want to leave this shit-hole... but its the people... i'll miss everybody... i was supposed to type out individual goodbyes but i doubt that i'm strong enough for something that final.... i did a few back in january... but i can't do it now... not again... not now.... i know i'm gonna drown in the cliche-ness of the following statement, but it's true none the less... i'm drowning in loneliness... as neil diamond put it.... "I'm a solitary man."... all that we (that being aj, akhil and i) had planned out for the last few days of mine in Saudi Arabia hasen't worked out as planned... everybody's had their shit to deal with.... it ain't fair....
the worst thing is that i'm gonna have to leave all these kids behind... arun reminded me of things which i havent even thought about... amongst us... my major connection with these kids was music... i was the music person... i was the one who helped in skewing the musical tastes of these kids... and i'm proud of it.... i love it that there are kids here who listen to radiohead, a perfect circle and led zeppelin.....
its like what arun said... every sound you hear is connected to some memory... every memory is in turn connected to its own emotion... its these smotions that drive us... we are all emotive entities... more or less similar to instinctive animals but (i doubt it) far more superior intelectually...
murphy's law has this really fucked up way of not screwing up on itself... its foolproof... its incredible how murphster's law manages to mess up each and every plan that we've ever concieved, yet, it doesnt pull off a Wile E and fall down a cliff.... murph-man always reigns... we gotta make a law against the law, murphy's law that is.... none of our plans have worked out... and i mean none...zilch.. nada... abso-fuckin'-lutely nothing... all our plans... watching movies together, me cooking something for everybody, pigging out at pizza hut (well, that was my fault actually... i got all senti-mental and stuff)... the truth is... nothing went according to plan...
oh yeah... neet arrives here today... and i leave the day after... i am god-dude's little chew toy....
i'm still posponing my goodbyes... i doubt if i can stay straight faced through it... i cant help it... i am a frickin virgo...
DAMN! i hate my feminine side.....
peacerespectempathy
4.03.2005
Words of wisdom...
sound : We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel
...from a daily planner:
heh heh heh..... let me go and "lisent to the olders"...
peacerespectempathy
...from a daily planner:
man i love cheap, pulp-philosophy.... it makes me feel so god-damn happy...DO BEST
OR
LEAVE IT
Lisent to the olders
their stories
will reduce to
successful lesones
They have a strong effect
that make everything
& every one admire
with them......
be like the flowers
Take your
position
and then
START IT
Look to the
essential
of things
Then decide
heh heh heh..... let me go and "lisent to the olders"...
peacerespectempathy
4.01.2005
It' starts...
sound : Like A Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan
it's struck me... no, not struck me... i feel like i've been whacked with a mallet.... shit... only eight more days left... and after that i leave saudi arabia for good... i guess i've been putting off blogging the past few days because it's too tough to blog... there's just so much to say....
kairali was nice... me and akhil didnt sleep the whole night... we sat up talking and stuff... got eaten alive by mosquitoes... went for a swim at 7:30 in the morning... the usual.... it was the end of the thing that was cool... there was a small water-fight that broke out... actualy it started amongst the girls but me being me, i picked up a bottle and drenched aarya (whom i've managed to convert into a u2 fan)... then the whole thing broke out... me and akhil against aarya, heena and lini.... akhil is evil!.... heh heh heh.... we make a good team... we reached home at like 4 in the evening and i went to sleep at six... i got up at 1:47 in the morning and here i am, online... i can't sleep....
damn... that was my last kairali... ever...
i got myself new glasses a few days back... i love em... they're actually gucci shades but i've put powered lenses on them... i can just see the reactions on the faces of the people in malluland... heh heh heh....
eight more days... there's still so much to do... so much to pack... i havent moved a thing in my room....
every night there's dinner somewhere or the other... i've eaten so much the past week that i doubt i can eat anymore...
there are so many more goodbyes to say.. so many more things i want to say and do before i leave.... i'm delaying the goodbyes because it seems so damn final.... but the things i have to say and do... i need to... and fast....
EIGHT DAYS AND COUNTING...
peacerespectempathy
it's struck me... no, not struck me... i feel like i've been whacked with a mallet.... shit... only eight more days left... and after that i leave saudi arabia for good... i guess i've been putting off blogging the past few days because it's too tough to blog... there's just so much to say....
kairali was nice... me and akhil didnt sleep the whole night... we sat up talking and stuff... got eaten alive by mosquitoes... went for a swim at 7:30 in the morning... the usual.... it was the end of the thing that was cool... there was a small water-fight that broke out... actualy it started amongst the girls but me being me, i picked up a bottle and drenched aarya (whom i've managed to convert into a u2 fan)... then the whole thing broke out... me and akhil against aarya, heena and lini.... akhil is evil!.... heh heh heh.... we make a good team... we reached home at like 4 in the evening and i went to sleep at six... i got up at 1:47 in the morning and here i am, online... i can't sleep....
damn... that was my last kairali... ever...
i got myself new glasses a few days back... i love em... they're actually gucci shades but i've put powered lenses on them... i can just see the reactions on the faces of the people in malluland... heh heh heh....
eight more days... there's still so much to do... so much to pack... i havent moved a thing in my room....
every night there's dinner somewhere or the other... i've eaten so much the past week that i doubt i can eat anymore...
there are so many more goodbyes to say.. so many more things i want to say and do before i leave.... i'm delaying the goodbyes because it seems so damn final.... but the things i have to say and do... i need to... and fast....
EIGHT DAYS AND COUNTING...
peacerespectempathy
3.21.2005
I GOT CASH!
sound : A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash
we went to yunus uncle's (kader and kadeer's younger brother) place today.... they came over and dani aunty gave me a cd... johnny cash's "Man in Black"... the two cd set... this cos she heard me quote johnny cash when i was asked to speak about leaving saudi arabia... so yunus uncle was like "come over... check out my collection and copy what you want"... who wouldn't say yes to that offer...
well we go there... and WOW!... i was like the proverbial kid in the toy store... i was the kid in the biggest fuckin toy store ever!..... he has a collection of like 300+ cds... man oh man!.... he has everything from johnny cash to bob dylan to simon and garfunkel to leonard cohen to hendrix to marvin gaye to jeff beck.... i was all aweating and freaking out.... i went through the whole thing and picked out exactly 115 cds.... those are not individual cds im talking about... 1-1-5 titles... some of em are sets so there must be over 150 cds.... and i gotta rip em and burn em and return them... thats all man... i aint gonna have to download music for a little whil;e now... im one happy camper.... so much music... ive arranged them on my table according to artist and i feel beautiful... it just looks and feels beautiful... akshay told me that i looked like lester bangs as he is depicted in almost famous... heh heh heh... now that makes me happy...
...and thus the scarred philosopher rides off into the sunset... no, he didn't get the girl, but he is content... he can play "layla", he has his guitar and one heck of a music collection... hell yeah!... the perfect ending to a not-so perfect day....
peacerespectempathy
we went to yunus uncle's (kader and kadeer's younger brother) place today.... they came over and dani aunty gave me a cd... johnny cash's "Man in Black"... the two cd set... this cos she heard me quote johnny cash when i was asked to speak about leaving saudi arabia... so yunus uncle was like "come over... check out my collection and copy what you want"... who wouldn't say yes to that offer...
well we go there... and WOW!... i was like the proverbial kid in the toy store... i was the kid in the biggest fuckin toy store ever!..... he has a collection of like 300+ cds... man oh man!.... he has everything from johnny cash to bob dylan to simon and garfunkel to leonard cohen to hendrix to marvin gaye to jeff beck.... i was all aweating and freaking out.... i went through the whole thing and picked out exactly 115 cds.... those are not individual cds im talking about... 1-1-5 titles... some of em are sets so there must be over 150 cds.... and i gotta rip em and burn em and return them... thats all man... i aint gonna have to download music for a little whil;e now... im one happy camper.... so much music... ive arranged them on my table according to artist and i feel beautiful... it just looks and feels beautiful... akshay told me that i looked like lester bangs as he is depicted in almost famous... heh heh heh... now that makes me happy...
peacerespectempathy
Deific Catatonia (Dei non-gratis)
Catatonic mumblings from the ears of the naked saint,
Why do we bother? Why do we even care?
The bastard son rules the world,
Born of no father? You could not be the father.
Watch as the castrated pig lies down,
It break down and stumbles into a puddle of it's own waste.
You are he, you are she, you are it.
Confusion my only drug, you are my opium,
Grab me in you filthy claws, rip me up again.
Later we'll go and meet the schizophrenic priest
And learn everyhting about those imaginary things,
Like love, life, hate, death, light and dark.
We need to deaden ourselves, numb ourselves from everything
We dont need to understand! We dont need to understand!
No one needs to understand! We dont need to understand!
Bite his face, tear all the flesh out,
Drink the juice of life from the faucet of pain.
There's a serial killer about,
He goes around ripping cherubs' heads off their dirty little bodies
And then he pins them on the wall with pins through their wings.
Trust in me my friendly fiend,
Trust in all the lies that I feed you.
You are hungry, hungry for more untruths,
Feed on my pain, feed on my lies, feed on me!
Becoming, unbecoming, becoming, unbecoming, becoming, unbecoming.
Turn this water into wine, make me alive again.
Live my life for me because I am you and we are they.
Hey little friend, fuck you!
I am not angry at you, I just hate you.
I hate everything about you,
I hate it that you are so much like me.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I am the bastard overlord,
I am the terminal pig,
I am everything,
I am god and I love to gamble with my sheep.
And me?
You , you are my poker chip.
Why do we bother? Why do we even care?
The bastard son rules the world,
Born of no father? You could not be the father.
Watch as the castrated pig lies down,
It break down and stumbles into a puddle of it's own waste.
You are he, you are she, you are it.
Confusion my only drug, you are my opium,
Grab me in you filthy claws, rip me up again.
Later we'll go and meet the schizophrenic priest
And learn everyhting about those imaginary things,
Like love, life, hate, death, light and dark.
We need to deaden ourselves, numb ourselves from everything
We dont need to understand! We dont need to understand!
No one needs to understand! We dont need to understand!
Bite his face, tear all the flesh out,
Drink the juice of life from the faucet of pain.
There's a serial killer about,
He goes around ripping cherubs' heads off their dirty little bodies
And then he pins them on the wall with pins through their wings.
Trust in me my friendly fiend,
Trust in all the lies that I feed you.
You are hungry, hungry for more untruths,
Feed on my pain, feed on my lies, feed on me!
Becoming, unbecoming, becoming, unbecoming, becoming, unbecoming.
Turn this water into wine, make me alive again.
Live my life for me because I am you and we are they.
Hey little friend, fuck you!
I am not angry at you, I just hate you.
I hate everything about you,
I hate it that you are so much like me.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I am the bastard overlord,
I am the terminal pig,
I am everything,
I am god and I love to gamble with my sheep.
And me?
You , you are my poker chip.
3.20.2005
| Dm | Bb | C | Dm |
sound : Layla (Acoustic) - Eric Clapton
i finally did it!!... i can play layla... agreed my solo isnt as good as clapton but hey!... I CAN FUCKIN PLAY "LAYLA"!!!... how fuckin cool is that.... i can finally say that i am an ok guitarist.... not good yet, but ok... ok's a good start right?....
i know i said tomorrow in the last post but i was either too lazy or too busy... all this packing and stuff... its tougher than i thought... its seriously way more time-consuming than i thought...
the farewell thing went off really well... met siddhart after a real long time... he's working in riyadh.... "it" struck me right then... at the party... thats where "it" struck me... i'm leaving... i'm leaving for good.... this time its not me going off to school or anything... i am leaving this place... my home for 20 years... im leaving my home behind... im leaving everything i had known in my short life back here... most of the people here are like family... i'm leaving them behind... im leaving the only place i've ever called home even though we dont ownthe apartment... everything... it all gets over in one big "KA-BLAAM!!!".... after that its a new life... im all for new beginings and stuff, especially after all the shit i've been through.... but i still feel like there's still something left... i feel like i'm still carrying somebaggage with me... i guess i still haven gotten closure yet... its strange... i fing he pieces of my life finally falling back into place and i still watch for the stray anomaly... i need to find closure... there is still some of the fears of the old me still there... i need to rid myself off of this baggage... i guess the time's still not right... the universe will speak to me when the time is right for me to find closure... maybe then...
it was really touching, the farewell party... all those people coming there just to tell us that they're friends... mama was in rudolf mode the whole time... the song me and mama did went of ok... peter unc's song went off really well.... we had some really classy singing by jukie (OUCH!), jose matthew (DOUBLE OUCH!!) and a duet by dev and nidhin uncle (WTFWJD????)... add to that a speech by Jose "toast-bastard" PM... YEAH BABY, YEAH!!!... it was "fundastic!"...
i exchanged bandanas with shedda (the kid who told me that i should be having a girlfriend... i blogged about that too)... it was real sweet of her... agreed its the same thing but hey... it was a nice gesture and i was all vulnerable and messed up back then (all that leaving thoughts were messing with my brain).... aj and koos weren't there... stronzos.... i wanted them to come but they didnt... i guess i'll forgive them because they got exams...
i remember i blogged a few goodbyes back in january... i guess now's the time to bring out the rest... well, not now... but soon... i doubt i'll get the chance later on...
i feel one of those sentimental "i-love-you-all" type of entry coming up....
"tune in next week. same time, same channel, same asshole for another installment of sentimental crap from the scarred philosopher... this is your friendly neighbourhood narrator-guy signing off..."
peacerespectempathy
i finally did it!!... i can play layla... agreed my solo isnt as good as clapton but hey!... I CAN FUCKIN PLAY "LAYLA"!!!... how fuckin cool is that.... i can finally say that i am an ok guitarist.... not good yet, but ok... ok's a good start right?....
i know i said tomorrow in the last post but i was either too lazy or too busy... all this packing and stuff... its tougher than i thought... its seriously way more time-consuming than i thought...
the farewell thing went off really well... met siddhart after a real long time... he's working in riyadh.... "it" struck me right then... at the party... thats where "it" struck me... i'm leaving... i'm leaving for good.... this time its not me going off to school or anything... i am leaving this place... my home for 20 years... im leaving my home behind... im leaving everything i had known in my short life back here... most of the people here are like family... i'm leaving them behind... im leaving the only place i've ever called home even though we dont ownthe apartment... everything... it all gets over in one big "KA-BLAAM!!!".... after that its a new life... im all for new beginings and stuff, especially after all the shit i've been through.... but i still feel like there's still something left... i feel like i'm still carrying somebaggage with me... i guess i still haven gotten closure yet... its strange... i fing he pieces of my life finally falling back into place and i still watch for the stray anomaly... i need to find closure... there is still some of the fears of the old me still there... i need to rid myself off of this baggage... i guess the time's still not right... the universe will speak to me when the time is right for me to find closure... maybe then...
it was really touching, the farewell party... all those people coming there just to tell us that they're friends... mama was in rudolf mode the whole time... the song me and mama did went of ok... peter unc's song went off really well.... we had some really classy singing by jukie (OUCH!), jose matthew (DOUBLE OUCH!!) and a duet by dev and nidhin uncle (WTFWJD????)... add to that a speech by Jose "toast-bastard" PM... YEAH BABY, YEAH!!!... it was "fundastic!"...
i exchanged bandanas with shedda (the kid who told me that i should be having a girlfriend... i blogged about that too)... it was real sweet of her... agreed its the same thing but hey... it was a nice gesture and i was all vulnerable and messed up back then (all that leaving thoughts were messing with my brain).... aj and koos weren't there... stronzos.... i wanted them to come but they didnt... i guess i'll forgive them because they got exams...
i remember i blogged a few goodbyes back in january... i guess now's the time to bring out the rest... well, not now... but soon... i doubt i'll get the chance later on...
i feel one of those sentimental "i-love-you-all" type of entry coming up....
"tune in next week. same time, same channel, same asshole for another installment of sentimental crap from the scarred philosopher... this is your friendly neighbourhood narrator-guy signing off..."
peacerespectempathy
3.17.2005
I'M OVERWHELMED!!!
sound : Tangerine - Led Zeppelin
i'll elaborate tomorrow... i'm dead tired right now...
peacerespectempathy
i'll elaborate tomorrow... i'm dead tired right now...
peacerespectempathy
3.16.2005
"Layla! You got me on my knees."
sound : I'm A Man - The Yardbirds
the blues have soul... the blues have life... i love the blues... eric clapton, jimi hendrix, led zeppelin, robert johnson, the yardbirds... they all make me wanna love music even more... like john lee hooker said, "the blues is the healer".... how frickin true is that?....
maybe the reason i listen to so much of the blues is that i feel it... i feel the blues... no, its not the love songs im talking about... its the feeling of sadness... the feeling of helplessness thats evident in most of the songs... and its not just the feeling of it either... the instrumentation is just plain beautiful... robert johnson revolutionized slide guitar... he is the god of bottleneck blues... layla... enough said... it isnt my fovorite song for no reason... the instrumentation, the vocals, the overall feeling of the song is so very "YEAH!!"...
the past few days have been ok... not too much going on... ive found out certain things about myself and others... nothing big... just stuff... g-kutty unc took us out to dinner yesterday... i waltzed into the restaurant like some big artist... guitar on my back and stuff.... dinner was good... unlike the last time i wasnt sick so i could eat without any qualms..... heh heh heh... that sure does make my day... then we went to baskin and robins and had some icecream... yummy... im 20 and i still drool at the sigh of icecream... its incredible... i astound myself at times....
there you go... another meaningless post just for the sake of posting...
my life is full of excitement!...
peacerespectempathy
the blues have soul... the blues have life... i love the blues... eric clapton, jimi hendrix, led zeppelin, robert johnson, the yardbirds... they all make me wanna love music even more... like john lee hooker said, "the blues is the healer".... how frickin true is that?....
maybe the reason i listen to so much of the blues is that i feel it... i feel the blues... no, its not the love songs im talking about... its the feeling of sadness... the feeling of helplessness thats evident in most of the songs... and its not just the feeling of it either... the instrumentation is just plain beautiful... robert johnson revolutionized slide guitar... he is the god of bottleneck blues... layla... enough said... it isnt my fovorite song for no reason... the instrumentation, the vocals, the overall feeling of the song is so very "YEAH!!"...
the past few days have been ok... not too much going on... ive found out certain things about myself and others... nothing big... just stuff... g-kutty unc took us out to dinner yesterday... i waltzed into the restaurant like some big artist... guitar on my back and stuff.... dinner was good... unlike the last time i wasnt sick so i could eat without any qualms..... heh heh heh... that sure does make my day... then we went to baskin and robins and had some icecream... yummy... im 20 and i still drool at the sigh of icecream... its incredible... i astound myself at times....
there you go... another meaningless post just for the sake of posting...
my life is full of excitement!...
peacerespectempathy
3.09.2005
3.08.2005
"Wake up and face me..."
sound : Passive - A Perfect Circle
i saw the video for APC's "Passive" for the first time today... WOW!... awesome is not enough of an exclamation here... i mean... seriously... the way the band kept true to it's not showing the members, yet they give you tantalizing silhouette style shots (which look kinda cool because it looks like they shot the clips with heat vision or something similar) of the band members... add to that the scenes from "Constantine" interspersed here and there in the video... man oh man...
peacerespectempathy
i saw the video for APC's "Passive" for the first time today... WOW!... awesome is not enough of an exclamation here... i mean... seriously... the way the band kept true to it's not showing the members, yet they give you tantalizing silhouette style shots (which look kinda cool because it looks like they shot the clips with heat vision or something similar) of the band members... add to that the scenes from "Constantine" interspersed here and there in the video... man oh man...
Dead as dead can be
The doctor tells me
But I just can't believe him
Ever the optimistic one
I'm sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy
Wake up, and face me
Don't play dead, cause maybe
Someday I'll walk away and say
You dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way
Leaning over you here
Cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
Of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become my perfect enemy
Wake up (why can't you)
And face me (come on now)
Don't play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (cause maybe)
Someday (someday)
I'll walk away and say
You dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way
You're better off this
You're better off this
Maybe you're better off
Wake up(why can't you)
And face me (come on now)
Don't play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (cause maybe)
Someday (someday)
I'll walk away and say
You fucking dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way
Go ahead and play dead (GO!)
I know that you can hear this (GO!)
Go ahead and play dead (GO!)
Why can't you turn and face me? (WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me? (WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me? (WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me (GO!)
You fucking dissapoint me!
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
\m/ Fuck Yeah!! \m/
peacerespectempathy
this is what happens when i try to study...
sound : The Days Have Turned - John Frusciante
its weird... truly... if i had gone through these same two years under similar yet dis-similar circumstances the whole thing would have been totally different.... but the end result would still be the same... i may not have known the people i know today but i will eventually end up right here right now doing exactly this... makes you think doesnt it?... most of the people i know wouldnt give a rat's ass about me if it had been so... forget giving a rat's ass... they wouldnt even know me... its really strange...
life.. this plethora of disorganized sequences and circumstances with one final end.... but how can the end always be the same?... doesnt time have any effect on this whole jumbled mess of a universe?... or is time too damn insignificant to be of any value in this large and dizzying cosmos that we call our "world"... im not talking just of earth here... gaia is huge in herself... but im talking of the whole thing that we humans wrongfully consider as ours... the whole of the known universe... if man had discovered alternate universes would he consider it as his own?... wouldnt the collective egos of the human race even allow the new-found (hypothetical) universe be somebody else's.... and what about the open-minded amongst the human animal?... are they better off?... or are they just as bad as their conformist counterparts?... wouldnt all the non-conformists who speak of the same ideas and notions be conforming towards each other?... would conforming non-conformists be the right label for these people if it is even right to label entities?.... would labeling a bunch of like-minded people instantly make them a "group"?... and if we label the conforming non-conformists as conforming non-conformists wouldnt they be a group?... why is it that the human animal seeks to always analyze what it doesnt understand?...
and why should the end(s) always be the same?... cant we control the final outcomes of our own universe(s) even though we can control destiny?... why cant we control our very own universes?...
but if we could control our own personal universes wouldnt we become god-like?... or if i may be so bold... GOD?.... is this the six degrees that seperates us from the deities we all so fervently revere?... we can create life... we can create worlds... it is just control that we should gain to become omnipotant... and when will the human animal be given this power of control?... and when it gets it will it be ready to wield such awesome greatness or will it just decimate itself due to sheer egotism?....
what exactly is the use of all this?... what is the use of me pondering on such ideas?... will i, if i put my heart, mind, soul and blood into it, finally be able to understand control?...
will we ever be given the proverbial flame from the gods?...
or will we, like in everything else that we have ever done so far, destroy ourselves in seeking the key to controlling our own universe(s)?...
peacerespectempathy
its weird... truly... if i had gone through these same two years under similar yet dis-similar circumstances the whole thing would have been totally different.... but the end result would still be the same... i may not have known the people i know today but i will eventually end up right here right now doing exactly this... makes you think doesnt it?... most of the people i know wouldnt give a rat's ass about me if it had been so... forget giving a rat's ass... they wouldnt even know me... its really strange...
life.. this plethora of disorganized sequences and circumstances with one final end.... but how can the end always be the same?... doesnt time have any effect on this whole jumbled mess of a universe?... or is time too damn insignificant to be of any value in this large and dizzying cosmos that we call our "world"... im not talking just of earth here... gaia is huge in herself... but im talking of the whole thing that we humans wrongfully consider as ours... the whole of the known universe... if man had discovered alternate universes would he consider it as his own?... wouldnt the collective egos of the human race even allow the new-found (hypothetical) universe be somebody else's.... and what about the open-minded amongst the human animal?... are they better off?... or are they just as bad as their conformist counterparts?... wouldnt all the non-conformists who speak of the same ideas and notions be conforming towards each other?... would conforming non-conformists be the right label for these people if it is even right to label entities?.... would labeling a bunch of like-minded people instantly make them a "group"?... and if we label the conforming non-conformists as conforming non-conformists wouldnt they be a group?... why is it that the human animal seeks to always analyze what it doesnt understand?...
and why should the end(s) always be the same?... cant we control the final outcomes of our own universe(s) even though we can control destiny?... why cant we control our very own universes?...
but if we could control our own personal universes wouldnt we become god-like?... or if i may be so bold... GOD?.... is this the six degrees that seperates us from the deities we all so fervently revere?... we can create life... we can create worlds... it is just control that we should gain to become omnipotant... and when will the human animal be given this power of control?... and when it gets it will it be ready to wield such awesome greatness or will it just decimate itself due to sheer egotism?....
what exactly is the use of all this?... what is the use of me pondering on such ideas?... will i, if i put my heart, mind, soul and blood into it, finally be able to understand control?...
will we ever be given the proverbial flame from the gods?...
or will we, like in everything else that we have ever done so far, destroy ourselves in seeking the key to controlling our own universe(s)?...
peacerespectempathy
3.04.2005
The Tragi-Comedy That Is My Life: Chapter 5468
sound : Cereal Song - bicycle Thief feat. John Frusciante
all the years i've spent moaning and bitching about how unattractive i am... the eons spent cursing god-dude for making me what i am... all the time spent on self-loathing... all of it... for what?... what was the purpose of all that whining?... why did i complain so much?.. the answer is simple... i felt ugly... i'm fat, short and ugly... thats how i see myself... i am insecure and extremely self-conscious...
but wait!... there always is a silver lining...
a few days back i found out from ajnu that i'm considered good looking... not just by anyone though... i'm considered as a "hunk" in the thriving gay community amongst the indian homosexual circles... WHAT THE FUCK?...
god-dude sure has a very sharpend sense of irony... the bastard... (s)he is like the sadistic kid with the magnifying glass who goes around burning poor, defenseless bugs just so as to feel the rush of power (however small it may be) in his/her meaningless existance... i guess right now (s)he must be looking down on me (whilst) laughing his/her head off... why have you forsaken me?... what have i done to you that makes me deserve so much of god-dude's scorn?...
this is taking things one step too far.... we're at war now...
i am avinash "dubya" jose and i declare war!...
all you angels and cherubs.... watch your asses... you've got a very angry fat guy on your nasty little holy tails....
hmm... i had pancakes for dinner... i seriously have got to change my diet...
peacerespectempathy
all the years i've spent moaning and bitching about how unattractive i am... the eons spent cursing god-dude for making me what i am... all the time spent on self-loathing... all of it... for what?... what was the purpose of all that whining?... why did i complain so much?.. the answer is simple... i felt ugly... i'm fat, short and ugly... thats how i see myself... i am insecure and extremely self-conscious...
but wait!... there always is a silver lining...
a few days back i found out from ajnu that i'm considered good looking... not just by anyone though... i'm considered as a "hunk" in the thriving gay community amongst the indian homosexual circles... WHAT THE FUCK?...
god-dude sure has a very sharpend sense of irony... the bastard... (s)he is like the sadistic kid with the magnifying glass who goes around burning poor, defenseless bugs just so as to feel the rush of power (however small it may be) in his/her meaningless existance... i guess right now (s)he must be looking down on me (whilst) laughing his/her head off... why have you forsaken me?... what have i done to you that makes me deserve so much of god-dude's scorn?...
this is taking things one step too far.... we're at war now...
i am avinash "dubya" jose and i declare war!...
all you angels and cherubs.... watch your asses... you've got a very angry fat guy on your nasty little holy tails....
hmm... i had pancakes for dinner... i seriously have got to change my diet...
peacerespectempathy
3.02.2005
Today's Playlist
Millionaire - Queens of the Stone Age
Thinking Of You - A Perfect Circle
Reptile - Nine Inch Nails
Black Dog (Live) - Led Zeppelin
Where Are We Running? - Lenny Kravitz
Little Sister - Queens of the Stone Age
Everything Means Nothing To Me - Elliott Smith
Bother - Stone Sour
Piggy - Nine Inch Nails
Jolene (Live) - the White Stripes
Creep - Radiohead
Sex Type Thing - Stone Temple Pilots
Dragula - Rob Zombie
Slither - Velvet Revolver
Shadow On The Sun - Audioslave
Ænema - TOOL
Aerials - System of a Down
Regret - John Frusciante
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
2.26.2005
[Thou hath] not so much brain as ear wax.
taken from "Troilus and Cressida"
sound : God is in the Radio - Queens of the Stone Age
last night i found out that i have a slightly eccentric grand-uncle in b'lore who's managed to trace out our lineage back to WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!!... this guy's even got the documents and records to prove it... how cool is that?...
I, The Scarred Philosopher, am the descendant of William Shakespeare.
i seriously have to meet this guy and check out all the paperwork and stuff...
no wonder that i've always loved shakespeare... plus, this guy used to be an actor... a stage actor... his best role was as antonius in julius caeser... cool...
I finally am proud of my family... heh heh heh...
peacerespectempathy
2.25.2005
"It's the little differences..."
sound : Misirlou - Dick Dale
peacerespectempathyJULES
-- okay now, tell me about the hash
bars?
VINCENT
What do you want to know?
JULES
Well, hash is legal there, right?
VINCENT
Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a
hundred percent legal. I mean you
can't walk into a restaurant,
roll a joint, and start puffin' away.
You're only supposed to smoke
in your home or certain
designated places.
JULES
Those are hash bars?
VINCENT
Yeah, it breaks down like this:
it's legal to buy it, it's legal to
own it and, if you're the
proprietor of a hash bar, it's
legal to sell it. It's legal to
carry it, which doesn't really
matter 'cause -- get a load of this
-- if the cops stop you, it's
illegal for them to search you.
Searching you is a right that the
cops in Amsterdam don't have.
JULES
That did it, man -- I'm fuckin'
goin', that's all there is to it.
VINCENT
You'll dig it the most. But you
know what the funniest thing about
Europe is?
JULES
What?
VINCENT
It's the little differences. A
lotta the same shit we got here,
they got there, but there they're a
little different.
JULES
Examples?
VINCENT
Well, in Amsterdam, you can buy
beer in a movie theatre. And I
don't mean in a paper cup either.
They give you a glass of beer, like
in a bar. In Paris, you can buy
wine at McDonald's. Also, you
know what they call a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
JULES
They don't call it a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese?
VINCENT
No, they got the metric system
there, they wouldn't know what the
fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
JULES
What'd they call it?
VINCENT
Royale with Cheese.
JULES
(repeating)
Royale with Cheese. What'd they
call a Big Mac?
VINCENT
Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they
call it Le Big Mac.
JULES
What do they call a Whopper?
VINCENT
I dunno, I didn't go into a Burger
King. But you know what they put
on french fries in Holland instead
of ketchup?
JULES
What?
VINCENT
Mayonnaise.
JULES
Goddamn!
VINCENT
I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean
a little bit on the side of the
plate, they fuckin' drown 'em
in it.
JULES
Uuccch!
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