sound : Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
i feel choked.... no air passes through my throat... i'm strangled by this feeling of total helplessness... agreed that i want to leave this shit-hole... but its the people... i'll miss everybody... i was supposed to type out individual goodbyes but i doubt that i'm strong enough for something that final.... i did a few back in january... but i can't do it now... not again... not now.... i know i'm gonna drown in the cliche-ness of the following statement, but it's true none the less... i'm drowning in loneliness... as neil diamond put it.... "I'm a solitary man."... all that we (that being aj, akhil and i) had planned out for the last few days of mine in Saudi Arabia hasen't worked out as planned... everybody's had their shit to deal with.... it ain't fair....
the worst thing is that i'm gonna have to leave all these kids behind... arun reminded me of things which i havent even thought about... amongst us... my major connection with these kids was music... i was the music person... i was the one who helped in skewing the musical tastes of these kids... and i'm proud of it.... i love it that there are kids here who listen to radiohead, a perfect circle and led zeppelin.....
its like what arun said... every sound you hear is connected to some memory... every memory is in turn connected to its own emotion... its these smotions that drive us... we are all emotive entities... more or less similar to instinctive animals but (i doubt it) far more superior intelectually...
murphy's law has this really fucked up way of not screwing up on itself... its foolproof... its incredible how murphster's law manages to mess up each and every plan that we've ever concieved, yet, it doesnt pull off a Wile E and fall down a cliff.... murph-man always reigns... we gotta make a law against the law, murphy's law that is.... none of our plans have worked out... and i mean none...zilch.. nada... abso-fuckin'-lutely nothing... all our plans... watching movies together, me cooking something for everybody, pigging out at pizza hut (well, that was my fault actually... i got all senti-mental and stuff)... the truth is... nothing went according to plan...
oh yeah... neet arrives here today... and i leave the day after... i am god-dude's little chew toy....
i'm still posponing my goodbyes... i doubt if i can stay straight faced through it... i cant help it... i am a frickin virgo...
DAMN! i hate my feminine side.....
peacerespectempathy
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