AUTHOR'S NOTE: im too lazy to type out anothe a real post so i'll post the message i sent to aj....
its scary... i feel like i'm becoming one of those people who get talked to
their whole lives but cant speak back... you know?.... i feel like those
non-entities that everybody relies on when they can't cope with the
fullness of their lives but i still do feel messed... man.... you think i'm
happy just because i didnt post some rage filled, poison spewing jumble of
words... nope.... i just had a good day or two so to speak.... i miss
conversation.... i miss proper social interaction.... i feel so damn lonely out
here... kerala.... what's in it for me huh?.... i want to go and see akhil and
neetu but cant cos we have these so-called "relatives" to visit... some of them
i like, but most of them... sheesh, i aint talking about it.... and all this
formalities and functions for some guy named "Jeffin" getting married... and i
gotta go for all this shit.... i hate weddings... drives me insane... all the
fake conversations and the x-ray looks... everything about it... everybody is
waiting for you to fuck up... its incredible.... even going to church (its not
like i want to go, im forced to) out here is tough.... i mean, come on... how
would you feel if each and every head in the place turns to you as soon as you
step in... add to that the fact that i dont understand whats going on because
its in mallu....... plus the sermon takes ages... my way of coping is by walking
tall and staring back at people when they stare at me (gives me something to do
when im bored) and sleeping during the sermon.... why the hell do these people
have to be so god-damn curious?... cant they shove their overly oily noses back
wherever its supposed to be?.... church in chennai aint that bad... nobody
stares and i sleep during the sermons over there too... whatever, i alwaus tell
everybody that i dont want to go, so me sleeping in church is not my fault.... i
wish you were coming to india a bit earlier.... we leave on the 11th... from
chennai... i doubt ill be able to see you.... crap!... wanna hear something
sick?... papa plans to leave malluland only on the 6th... can you believe
that?... only four days in chennai!!!.... before the SATs i was basically under
house arrest and the day after my SATs got over we left for kerala... i hardly
spent any time with my friends.... now we'll have only four days and i doubt i
can go out even then.... we delay for so long because "Jeffin" is getting
married and he's supposed to be a relative... like i care.... and what kind of a
nutcase would name their kid "Jeffin"??.... crack-heads..... damn... im like an
old man... i start a rant and by the end of it im all worked up.... balls....
ill be calling akh/neet tomorrow (sunday)... couldnt earlier on cos i was on the
meet-the-relatives tour.... ciao ajna.... ill catch ya later... PRE - aviPS: i havent heard from arun in ages... i miss the pig...
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