I GOT CASH!

sound : A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash

we went to yunus uncle's (kader and kadeer's younger brother) place today.... they came over and dani aunty gave me a cd... johnny cash's "Man in Black"... the two cd set... this cos she heard me quote johnny cash when i was asked to speak about leaving saudi arabia... so yunus uncle was like "come over... check out my collection and copy what you want"... who wouldn't say yes to that offer...

well we go there... and WOW!... i was like the proverbial kid in the toy store... i was the kid in the biggest fuckin toy store ever!..... he has a collection of like 300+ cds... man oh man!.... he has everything from johnny cash to bob dylan to simon and garfunkel to leonard cohen to hendrix to marvin gaye to jeff beck.... i was all aweating and freaking out.... i went through the whole thing and picked out exactly 115 cds.... those are not individual cds im talking about... 1-1-5 titles... some of em are sets so there must be over 150 cds.... and i gotta rip em and burn em and return them... thats all man... i aint gonna have to download music for a little whil;e now... im one happy camper.... so much music... ive arranged them on my table according to artist and i feel beautiful... it just looks and feels beautiful... akshay told me that i looked like lester bangs as he is depicted in almost famous... heh heh heh... now that makes me happy...

...and thus the scarred philosopher rides off into the sunset... no, he didn't get the girl, but he is content... he can play "layla", he has his guitar and one heck of a music collection... hell yeah!... the perfect ending to a not-so perfect day....

peacerespectempathy

Deific Catatonia (Dei non-gratis)

Catatonic mumblings from the ears of the naked saint,
Why do we bother? Why do we even care?
The bastard son rules the world,
Born of no father? You could not be the father.

Watch as the castrated pig lies down,
It break down and stumbles into a puddle of it's own waste.
You are he, you are she, you are it.
Confusion my only drug, you are my opium,
Grab me in you filthy claws, rip me up again.
Later we'll go and meet the schizophrenic priest
And learn everyhting about those imaginary things,
Like love, life, hate, death, light and dark.
We need to deaden ourselves, numb ourselves from everything
We dont need to understand! We dont need to understand!
No one needs to understand! We dont need to understand!
Bite his face, tear all the flesh out,
Drink the juice of life from the faucet of pain.

There's a serial killer about,
He goes around ripping cherubs' heads off their dirty little bodies
And then he pins them on the wall with pins through their wings.

Trust in me my friendly fiend,
Trust in all the lies that I feed you.
You are hungry, hungry for more untruths,
Feed on my pain, feed on my lies, feed on me!
Becoming, unbecoming, becoming, unbecoming, becoming, unbecoming.

Turn this water into wine, make me alive again.
Live my life for me because I am you and we are they.
Hey little friend, fuck you!
I am not angry at you, I just hate you.
I hate everything about you,
I hate it that you are so much like me.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!

I am the bastard overlord,
I am the terminal pig,
I am everything,
I am god and I love to gamble with my sheep.

And me?

You , you are my poker chip.

| Dm | Bb | C | Dm |

sound : Layla (Acoustic) - Eric Clapton

i finally did it!!... i can play layla... agreed my solo isnt as good as clapton but hey!... I CAN FUCKIN PLAY "LAYLA"!!!... how fuckin cool is that.... i can finally say that i am an ok guitarist.... not good yet, but ok... ok's a good start right?....

i know i said tomorrow in the last post but i was either too lazy or too busy... all this packing and stuff... its tougher than i thought... its seriously way more time-consuming than i thought...

the farewell thing went off really well... met siddhart after a real long time... he's working in riyadh.... "it" struck me right then... at the party... thats where "it" struck me... i'm leaving... i'm leaving for good.... this time its not me going off to school or anything... i am leaving this place... my home for 20 years... im leaving my home behind... im leaving everything i had known in my short life back here... most of the people here are like family... i'm leaving them behind... im leaving the only place i've ever called home even though we dont ownthe apartment... everything... it all gets over in one big "KA-BLAAM!!!".... after that its a new life... im all for new beginings and stuff, especially after all the shit i've been through.... but i still feel like there's still something left... i feel like i'm still carrying somebaggage with me... i guess i still haven gotten closure yet... its strange... i fing he pieces of my life finally falling back into place and i still watch for the stray anomaly... i need to find closure... there is still some of the fears of the old me still there... i need to rid myself off of this baggage... i guess the time's still not right... the universe will speak to me when the time is right for me to find closure... maybe then...

it was really touching, the farewell party... all those people coming there just to tell us that they're friends... mama was in rudolf mode the whole time... the song me and mama did went of ok... peter unc's song went off really well.... we had some really classy singing by jukie (OUCH!), jose matthew (DOUBLE OUCH!!) and a duet by dev and nidhin uncle (WTFWJD????)... add to that a speech by Jose "toast-bastard" PM... YEAH BABY, YEAH!!!... it was "fundastic!"...

i exchanged bandanas with shedda (the kid who told me that i should be having a girlfriend... i blogged about that too)... it was real sweet of her... agreed its the same thing but hey... it was a nice gesture and i was all vulnerable and messed up back then (all that leaving thoughts were messing with my brain).... aj and koos weren't there... stronzos.... i wanted them to come but they didnt... i guess i'll forgive them because they got exams...

i remember i blogged a few goodbyes back in january... i guess now's the time to bring out the rest... well, not now... but soon... i doubt i'll get the chance later on...

i feel one of those sentimental "i-love-you-all" type of entry coming up....

"tune in next week. same time, same channel, same asshole for another installment of sentimental crap from the scarred philosopher... this is your friendly neighbourhood narrator-guy signing off..."


peacerespectempathy

I'M OVERWHELMED!!!

sound : Tangerine - Led Zeppelin

i'll elaborate tomorrow... i'm dead tired right now...

peacerespectempathy

"Layla! You got me on my knees."

sound : I'm A Man - The Yardbirds

the blues have soul... the blues have life... i love the blues... eric clapton, jimi hendrix, led zeppelin, robert johnson, the yardbirds... they all make me wanna love music even more... like john lee hooker said, "the blues is the healer".... how frickin true is that?....

maybe the reason i listen to so much of the blues is that i feel it... i feel the blues... no, its not the love songs im talking about... its the feeling of sadness... the feeling of helplessness thats evident in most of the songs... and its not just the feeling of it either... the instrumentation is just plain beautiful... robert johnson revolutionized slide guitar... he is the god of bottleneck blues... layla... enough said... it isnt my fovorite song for no reason... the instrumentation, the vocals, the overall feeling of the song is so very "YEAH!!"...

the past few days have been ok... not too much going on... ive found out certain things about myself and others... nothing big... just stuff... g-kutty unc took us out to dinner yesterday... i waltzed into the restaurant like some big artist... guitar on my back and stuff.... dinner was good... unlike the last time i wasnt sick so i could eat without any qualms..... heh heh heh... that sure does make my day... then we went to baskin and robins and had some icecream... yummy... im 20 and i still drool at the sigh of icecream... its incredible... i astound myself at times....

there you go... another meaningless post just for the sake of posting...

my life is full of excitement!...

peacerespectempathy

My brain is a weapon of mass destruction!

"Wake up and face me..."

sound : Passive - A Perfect Circle

i saw the video for APC's "Passive" for the first time today... WOW!... awesome is not enough of an exclamation here... i mean... seriously... the way the band kept true to it's not showing the members, yet they give you tantalizing silhouette style shots (which look kinda cool because it looks like they shot the clips with heat vision or something similar) of the band members... add to that the scenes from "Constantine" interspersed here and there in the video... man oh man...

Dead as dead can be
The doctor tells me
But I just can't believe him
Ever the optimistic one
I'm sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy

Wake up, and face me
Don't play dead, cause maybe
Someday I'll walk away and say
You dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Leaning over you here
Cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
Of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become my perfect enemy

Wake up (why can't you)
And face me (come on now)
Don't play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (cause maybe)
Someday (someday)
I'll walk away and say
You dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way

You're better off this
You're better off this
Maybe you're better off

Wake up(why can't you)
And face me (come on now)
Don't play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (cause maybe)
Someday (someday)
I'll walk away and say
You fucking dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Go ahead and play dead (GO!)
I know that you can hear this (GO!)

Go ahead and play dead (GO!)
Why can't you turn and face me? (WAKE UP!)

Why can't you turn and face me? (WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me? (WAKE UP!)

Why can't you turn and face me (GO!)
You fucking dissapoint me!

Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit
Passive agressive bullshit

\m/ Fuck Yeah!! \m/

peacerespectempathy

this is what happens when i try to study...

sound : The Days Have Turned - John Frusciante

its weird... truly... if i had gone through these same two years under similar yet dis-similar circumstances the whole thing would have been totally different.... but the end result would still be the same... i may not have known the people i know today but i will eventually end up right here right now doing exactly this... makes you think doesnt it?... most of the people i know wouldnt give a rat's ass about me if it had been so... forget giving a rat's ass... they wouldnt even know me... its really strange...

life.. this plethora of disorganized sequences and circumstances with one final end.... but how can the end always be the same?... doesnt time have any effect on this whole jumbled mess of a universe?... or is time too damn insignificant to be of any value in this large and dizzying cosmos that we call our "world"... im not talking just of earth here... gaia is huge in herself... but im talking of the whole thing that we humans wrongfully consider as ours... the whole of the known universe... if man had discovered alternate universes would he consider it as his own?... wouldnt the collective egos of the human race even allow the new-found (hypothetical) universe be somebody else's.... and what about the open-minded amongst the human animal?... are they better off?... or are they just as bad as their conformist counterparts?... wouldnt all the non-conformists who speak of the same ideas and notions be conforming towards each other?... would conforming non-conformists be the right label for these people if it is even right to label entities?.... would labeling a bunch of like-minded people instantly make them a "group"?... and if we label the conforming non-conformists as conforming non-conformists wouldnt they be a group?... why is it that the human animal seeks to always analyze what it doesnt understand?...

and why should the end(s) always be the same?... cant we control the final outcomes of our own universe(s) even though we can control destiny?... why cant we control our very own universes?...

but if we could control our own personal universes wouldnt we become god-like?... or if i may be so bold... GOD?.... is this the six degrees that seperates us from the deities we all so fervently revere?... we can create life... we can create worlds... it is just control that we should gain to become omnipotant... and when will the human animal be given this power of control?... and when it gets it will it be ready to wield such awesome greatness or will it just decimate itself due to sheer egotism?....

what exactly is the use of all this?... what is the use of me pondering on such ideas?... will i, if i put my heart, mind, soul and blood into it, finally be able to understand control?...

will we ever be given the proverbial flame from the gods?...

or will we, like in everything else that we have ever done so far, destroy ourselves in seeking the key to controlling our own universe(s)?...

peacerespectempathy

The Tragi-Comedy That Is My Life: Chapter 5468

sound : Cereal Song - bicycle Thief feat. John Frusciante

all the years i've spent moaning and bitching about how unattractive i am... the eons spent cursing god-dude for making me what i am... all the time spent on self-loathing... all of it... for what?... what was the purpose of all that whining?... why did i complain so much?.. the answer is simple... i felt ugly... i'm fat, short and ugly... thats how i see myself... i am insecure and extremely self-conscious...

but wait!... there always is a silver lining...

a few days back i found out from ajnu that i'm considered good looking... not just by anyone though... i'm considered as a "hunk" in the thriving gay community amongst the indian homosexual circles... WHAT THE FUCK?...

god-dude sure has a very sharpend sense of irony... the bastard... (s)he is like the sadistic kid with the magnifying glass who goes around burning poor, defenseless bugs just so as to feel the rush of power (however small it may be) in his/her meaningless existance... i guess right now (s)he must be looking down on me (whilst) laughing his/her head off... why have you forsaken me?... what have i done to you that makes me deserve so much of god-dude's scorn?...

this is taking things one step too far.... we're at war now...

i am avinash "dubya" jose and i declare war!...

all you angels and cherubs.... watch your asses... you've got a very angry fat guy on your nasty little holy tails....

hmm... i had pancakes for dinner... i seriously have got to change my diet...

peacerespectempathy

Today's Playlist

Millionaire - Queens of the Stone Age
Thinking Of You - A Perfect Circle
Reptile - Nine Inch Nails
Black Dog (Live) - Led Zeppelin
Where Are We Running? - Lenny Kravitz
Little Sister - Queens of the Stone Age
Everything Means Nothing To Me - Elliott Smith
Bother - Stone Sour
Piggy - Nine Inch Nails
Jolene (Live) - the White Stripes
Creep - Radiohead
Sex Type Thing - Stone Temple Pilots
Dragula - Rob Zombie
Slither - Velvet Revolver
Shadow On The Sun - Audioslave
Ænema - TOOL
Aerials - System of a Down
Regret - John Frusciante
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2

[Thou hath] not so much brain as ear wax.

taken from "Troilus and Cressida"

sound : God is in the Radio - Queens of the Stone Age

last night i found out that i have a slightly eccentric grand-uncle in b'lore who's managed to trace out our lineage back to WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!!... this guy's even got the documents and records to prove it... how cool is that?...

I, The Scarred Philosopher, am the descendant of William Shakespeare.

i seriously have to meet this guy and check out all the paperwork and stuff...

no wonder that i've always loved shakespeare... plus, this guy used to be an actor... a stage actor... his best role was as antonius in julius caeser... cool...

I finally am proud of my family... heh heh heh...

peacerespectempathy

"It's the little differences..."

sound : Misirlou - Dick Dale

JULES
-- okay now, tell me about the hash
bars?

VINCENT
What do you want to know?

JULES
Well, hash is legal there, right?

VINCENT
Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a
hundred percent legal. I mean you
can't walk into a restaurant,
roll a joint, and start puffin' away.
You're only supposed to smoke
in your home or certain
designated places.

JULES
Those are hash bars?

VINCENT
Yeah, it breaks down like this:
it's legal to buy it, it's legal to
own it and, if you're the
proprietor of a hash bar, it's
legal to sell it. It's legal to
carry it, which doesn't really
matter 'cause -- get a load of this
-- if the cops stop you, it's
illegal for them to search you.
Searching you is a right that the
cops in Amsterdam don't have.

JULES
That did it, man -- I'm fuckin'
goin', that's all there is to it.

VINCENT
You'll dig it the most. But you
know what the funniest thing about
Europe is?

JULES
What?

VINCENT
It's the little differences. A
lotta the same shit we got here,
they got there, but there they're a
little different.

JULES
Examples?

VINCENT
Well, in Amsterdam, you can buy
beer in a movie theatre. And I
don't mean in a paper cup either.
They give you a glass of beer, like
in a bar. In Paris, you can buy
wine at McDonald's. Also, you
know what they call a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese in Paris?

JULES
They don't call it a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese?

VINCENT
No, they got the metric system
there, they wouldn't know what the
fuck a Quarter Pounder is.

JULES
What'd they call it?

VINCENT
Royale with Cheese.

JULES
(repeating)
Royale with Cheese. What'd they
call a Big Mac?

VINCENT
Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they
call it Le Big Mac.

JULES
What do they call a Whopper?

VINCENT
I dunno, I didn't go into a Burger
King. But you know what they put
on french fries in Holland instead
of ketchup?

JULES
What?

VINCENT
Mayonnaise.

JULES
Goddamn!

VINCENT
I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean
a little bit on the side of the
plate, they fuckin' drown 'em
in it.

JULES
Uuccch!

peacerespectempathy

WE GOT THE VISA TODAY!!

actually the passports reached us today... it was stamped at riyadh and sent to us...

---------------------------------------

Happy birthday Joji aunty!

The Free Land of Philoklonthia

sound : Terrible Lie - NIN

"Think for yourself. Question Authority"

check out my nation.... it ROCKS!!!... The Free Land of Philoklonthia is located in the GROIN!!!.... heh heh heh... everybody pay a visit... drugs are free and the rich are oppressed... welcome on, welcome all!... welcome to my perfect state....

we got ganja!

"Philoklonthia is ranked 42,685th in the world for Largest Soda Pop Sector."

peacerespectempathy

PS: i forgot to mention this... it's steffy's birthday... shout outs are in order....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEFFY!

memoirs of an amateur circus clown

sound : God Put A Smile Upon your Face - Coldplay

i guess my freak out's over... atleast for now... i hate it when i go all moody and shit... whatever the case is i'm over it for now atleast.... fuckin' mood-swings!.....

i rode lavanya's cycle yesterday... me and akhil... the thing is that i havent ridden a cycle in more than 5 years... and the joy it brought me (to ride a bike again) was awesome... the images that came into my head at that moment were beautiful... me riding beside all those sculptures on the corniche with my trainer wheels still on... taking my brand new red bike and riding it through some puddles the after it rained, then having to go to the workshop cos my chains were all rusted.... these saudi kids throwing rocks at me and grabbing my bike when i fell down... mama going and screaming at the bastards later on (they were neighbours)... my taking a huge fall while trying out a few stunts out in the corniche, mercy aunty having to remove this piece of dirt from my hand with a surgical knife.... the memories rushed at me at such speed and yet i saw each and every one of them clearly.... all that just because i was riding a girl's cycle....

akhil took a small spill... we exchanged cycles after a while... i took karrunya's cycle (which was smaller) and he took the big one.... i looked like those clowns you see at the circus... you know?.. the huge fat clowns who ride around in mini mo-bikes and scooters... well.... me and akhil were racing and it is frickin' tough to cycle fast in a small cycle... so i went all speed racer on his ass... i tried to scare him by cutting him off... only problem was that i hit his front tyre and he went tumbling... luckily nothing happened to him.... i dunno what was wrong with us but the both of us were laughing like a couple of hyenas....

i doubt he'd have been laughing if he'd been hurt...

peacerespectempathy

something i can never have

- nine inch nails

i still recall the taste of your tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
scraping through my head
'till i don't want to sleep anymore.

you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.

you make this all go away.
you make this all go way.
i just want something...
i just want something i can never have

you always were the one to show me how,
back then i couldn't do
the things that i can do now.
this thing is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.
i just want something i can never have.

come on and tell me
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.

you make this all go away.
you make this all go way.
i just want something...
i just want something i can never have

in this place it seems like such a shame.
though it all looks different now
i know it's still the same.
everywhere i look you're all i see;
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.

come on tell me.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.

you make this all go away.
you make it all go way.
i just want something...
i just want something i can never have.
i just want something i can never have.

TWANG!

sound : Something I Can Never Have - Nine Inch Nails

the past week's been rough... the thing about surya... me freaking out outta the blue... people thinking that i'm gonna kill myself...and today... neet called me up today... she sounded all freaked out... i hate it when girls cry... i may be a chauvenistic bastard, but it breaks my heart to see or hear a girl cry... she was all bipolar about everything... i talked her through the situation and stuff and finally we both agreed on what i said... its funny though... how you try your very best to get out of something and finally when you get what you wanted it doesnt seem all too right... wierd are the ways of god-dude huh?.... anyway, its for the best of everybody... so there... i have blocked myself out af another situation... she's lucky actually... she wears her heart on her sleeve... most people do... but me... i lock it up inside and iron safe inside another iron safe and then i dump it in a bank vault in switzerland.... if i were a viking i'd be called TSP the un-hearted or something... and to top it all off... i broke a string today.... i lost my capo so i downloaded a tuner and i was trying out some alternate tunings... all i actually had to do was detune one step... i go off experimenting and TWANG!... my third string broke... i had to get myself another set...

its incredible the amount of bad karma i'm wading through right now....

i guess it's time for some good karma to pay me a visit... or better still... god-dude should prove to me that (s)he cares for me.... i'm a materialistic asshole so (s)he should get me a bose sound system... yeah... thats a nice deal... i get a bose system and god-dude gets my respect... heh heh heh... the cheapskate wont pull through... i know...

hey!... i must be the only guy on earth who loses a girl on valentines huh?...

i love myself to itty bitty pieces....

sheesh...

peacerespectempathy

suicidal imbecile... NOT!

sound : Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails

i never realized that there were so many people who cared... i get 2 calls today morning from aj and akhil asking me whether i'm ok... and now arun calls me and asks me to come and chat with him... and i thought its my lucky day or something... then i find out that arun thinks i'm flipin'... i seem kinda desperate in my last entry it seams... yes, i was kinda pissed... i still am... the thing about surya left me feeling like crap... but hey... the rest of the stuff just came at the moment... but thanks you guys... for seeing to it that i dont kill myself... crap!... i just read the damn thing... it does seem a lot like a suicide note... IT ISN'T!!!... arun, aj and akhil... thanks... i aint killing myself just yet... and the people who want me dead- sorry dudes... not yet anyway... maybe later....

yes, i am freaking out... yes, i'm a nut-case... i've said all of this a million times... nothing new here... the thing is... untill i'm able to not say stuff like that, i'm screwed... i may be happier compared to what i was like last november or something... but i'm still the same old messed up person inside... my lack of self confidence is shocking... i can't believe that i do not even have a shred of self-worth anymore... oh well... must be another block i'll have to overcome....

i guess procastrination is a part of my very essence... i was born fifteen days late for cryin' out loud!... anything i have to do i put away for a later time... anything... work, studies, taking a frikkin' piss... i delay everything... atleast i dont discriminate... i procastrinate without discrimination...

i am a non-discriminating procastrinator...

"The Newest Commandment" is under works... and by the proudest of the lumberjack clan... one of my own... she who cuts many a forest shall start her own brain space... it is the "Daughter of the Cut-forest" herself... the one i call "TANI"... more details as they come in... maybe after completion so to speak... completion would be the creation... but since it is already created is it complete yet?... but for it to be complete shouldn't the creator officially finish or a sign of completion from the creator herself?... so will the completion of the creation of the incomplete.... Yenna Patti?

"Oh no, I've gone cross-eyed again" - Austin Powers

peacerespectempathy

TOO MUCH COFFEE MAN

Shannon Wheeler is a frickin' genius!

random

sound : Pretty (Ugly Before) - Elliott Smith

i'm scared... there's so much that i dont know... all this stuff about college... i'm lost here... i have no idea what i'm doing... i can't study, i cant even listen to music anymore... it felt like the past few days went by in some sort of hazy blur.... i guess i'm still scared on some level...

i had to give my ring to akhil in my dream cos i lost his ring.... and i was supposed to be his best man....

i have no idea what i should write for my essay.... i want to join college... what should i write?... don't get me wrong, i love writing.... its just that.... i dunno what to write about... especially for an admission into college....

everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...
everything means nothing to me...

i cried a few minutes back... i dont know why im saying this.... its not something i'd usually say....but i cried for a friend.... i chatted with surya a little while back.... she's not well... there's something wrong with her blood count... the doctors dont know what's actually wrong with her.... she gets sick almost every week nowadays... and today... she was in pain.... she couldnt sleep.... but the incredible thing is that she's still the same girl i've always known... bubbly, full of joy... i dont know how she does it but i swear... she has to be the greatest soul on earth for going through this with a smile.... makes me feel horrible about myself for bitching and whining about the small things.... more power to you susu....

i bit one of my nails.... the ring-finger on my right hand...

i miss my old friends.... suren, jude, surya, amrith, dee, uday, sibi, arjun, rakesh, adang,..... i wish i could see them all again....

i found out yesterday that mama wants me to perform with her at the french embassy in march.... she's doing this veena piece with mehboob on tabla and she wants me to play this background chorus like thing on guitar... it seemed kinda easy so i agreed....

i gotta make a call.... it's something i dont usually do...

i cant type anymore... this thing about surya... i feel like shit...

peacerespectempathy

CRACK!!!

sound : Orestes - A Perfect Circle

*-------------------------------*

KEY

Deputy Lance - me

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum - aj

Chinjunoddu chothikyu - t

Chinfive - akhil

*-------------------------------*

Deputy Lance says:
guess what...

Deputy Lance says:
i went out to buy a new guitar case...

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
yeah?

Deputy Lance says:
i wanted a hard one....

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
how much was t?

Deputy Lance says:
wait... lemme finish..

Deputy Lance says:
i go to international market...

Deputy Lance says:
i enter the first shop... nope... no case...

Deputy Lance says:
i enter the fender store...

Deputy Lance says:
nope... no case...

Deputy Lance says:
though i drool at the strat

Deputy Lance says:
then i go to the yamaha store....

Deputy Lance says:
i enter and the first thing i see is the guitar case...

Deputy Lance says:
music starts playing in my head...

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
oooh

Deputy Lance says:
i feel like el mariachi... malaguena playing and leather jacket

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
yippeee!

Deputy Lance says:
et al

Deputy Lance says:
i pick it up...

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
heh heh!

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
cool

Deputy Lance says:
black leather ase....

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
oh WOW

Deputy Lance says:
brown velvet interiors...

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum
says:
hot!

Chinjunoddu chothikyu
says:
mufaasa!

Deputy Lance says:
compartment for my plecs and strap and stuff

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
moist.....

Deputy Lance says:
i swear... moist....

Chinfive says:
aj is gettin turned on....

Deputy Lance says:
then i hold it in my hand and i cradle it like a baby...

Deputy Lance says:
i take it to the cashier and ask him the price....

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
with a doubt??.... impressive!

Deputy Lance says:
..........

Deputy Lance says:
.......

Deputy Lance says:
....

Deputy Lance says:
..

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
...............

Deputy Lance says:
.

Deputy Lance says:
........................

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
fuck!

Deputy Lance says:
drumroll please!

Chinjunoddu hothikyu says:
Falala!

Deputy Lance says:
............

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
...........

Chinjunoddu chothikyu ays:
and!>!?!?!?!?

Deputy Lance says:
760 BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
i dont want ot hear it

Deputy Lance says:
i missed dieing right there!!!

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
OUCH!

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
YENDAMMO!!!!!!!

Deputy Lance says:
i felt like i had my nuts kicked in......

Chinfive says:
ouch

Deputy Lance says:
malaguena stopped... and i felt like a f-in mallu song was playing in my head...

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
his nuts are fine akhil!

Deputy Lance says:
confusion theerkinemmeee

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
lol...

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
ha ha ha

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
OMIGOD AVI

Counting Bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum says:
i swear...

Deputy Lance says:
i swear...

Deputy Lance
says:
i heard my heart crack in two...

Chinjunoddu chothikyu says:
gulp...

Any story that involves me has a fucked up ending... SHEESH!

peacerespectempathy

.... COUGH! COUGH!

sound : Everything Means Nothing To Me - Elliot Smith

remember my last real post?... i feel "squeaky clean" and stuff?.... ha!... the karmic balances had to neutralize itself again.... i woke up the next morning with an evil cough and a really horrid cold... my head was throbbing... man oh man was god-dude getting back at me or what huh?....

------------------------------------------------------------------

dear itch at the bottom of my throat,

i know you were put there by god-dude just to annoy me.... i know god-dude too... so hey! you dont have to lie about it.... you know what?... you and me aren't all too different... nah.... actually we're both totally different... you i want to get rid of ASAP.... the truth is... i dont like you... not one bit... all those years in boarding school when i wanted to get sick you wouldnt come... i know you're here just to mock me... what are you guys?... tha league of TSP annoyances.... all of you... you, god-dude, britney spears, usher, nu-gangsta music, bollywood... yeah... i know what you people are upto... im onto you buddy... theres no escaping the eagle-eyed philosopher.... as of now.... im evicting you... yeah, thats tight... get the fuck outta my throat!!... i dont have the energy to cough one more time!... thats right mofo... OUT!!!

i have nothing more to say...

the very pissed off land-(or shopld i say throat)-lord,

The Scarred Philosopher

peacerespectempathy

I Believe

sound : Everything Means Nothing To Me - Elliot Smith



as a child i always believed that heaven was a place where all my dead pets would stay to invite me when i reach there... i believed that heaven was where i'd see my grandma again... i believed that all types of candy grew off of the trees in heaven and the rivers and lakes were full of soda... i believed that man and animal would live in perfect harmony like Eden island in the old phantom comics... i believed that heaven lay somewhere just above the clouds.... i belived that all good people would go to heaven...i believed that i would go to heaven....



i now know that i am not a good person....



will i go to heaven?



where exactly is heaven?....



what exactly is heaven?....



peacerespectempathy

Miss Misery

- Elliot Smith

(Dm) I'll (C) fake it (Bb) through the (F) day
With some (Gmadd9) help from Johnny Walker (Gm) Red
Send the (F) poison (Am) rain (C) down the (Bb) drain
To (F) put bad thoughts in my (A) head

(Dm) Two (C) tickets (Bb) torn in (F) half
And a (Gmadd9) lot, and nothing to (Gm) do
Do you (F) miss (Dm) me, (Bb) Miss (F) Mise(G)ry
Like you (Bb) say you (F) do?

(Ab) We met in the (Cm) park
Read the (F) lines in my (Ab) head
Told me I was (Cm) strong
Hardly ever (C) wrong I said man you mean

(Dm) You had (C) plans for (Bb) both of (F) us
That in(Gmadd9)volved a trip out of (Gm) town
To a (F) place I've (Am) seen in a (C) maga(Bb)zine
That (F) you left lying a(A)round

(Dm) I don't (C) have you (Bb) with me (F) but
I (Gmadd9) keep a good atti(Gm)tude
Do you (F) miss (Dm) me, (Bb) Miss (F) Mise(G)ry
Like you (Bb) say you (F) do?

(Dm(2)) I know you'd rather see (Gm) me (Bb) gone
Than to (F) see me the (G) way that I (F) am
But I (Dm) am in the (C) life anyway

(Dm) Next (C) door the (Bb) TV's (F) flashing
(Gmadd9) Blue frames on the (Gm) wall
It's a (F) come(Am)dy of (C) errors, you (Bb) see
It's a(F)bout taking a (A) fall

(Dm) To van(C)ish in(Bb)to ob(F)livi(Gmadd9)on
Is easy to (Gm) do
And I (F) try to (Dm) be but you (Bb) know me
(F) I come (G) back when you (Bb) want me (F) to (C)
Do you (F) miss (Dm) me (Bb) Miss (F)Mise(G)ry
Like you (Bb) say you (F) do?

[Transcribed by Matt Burgess]

sound: Miss Misery - Elliot Smith

its three twenty something in the morning and i've just had a bath....

i feel squeaky clean....

man, i love this feeling...

peacerespectempathy

what every kid dreams of.... 

On edifying this swollen ego

The chasm opens up below me.

From the depths a sulfur reek.

The seven headed Hydra rises up and out,
Curious and head-strong; like a child.

Thrusting themselves upon your ego
Writhing in pleasure, you merge.
Entities unite, you are now no more.

Why do you change?
Why do you weep for normalcy?
Fall back upon your shattered conscience,
You are now changed, you do not exist.
Witness the One in orgasm.

Wear the cloak of ignorance
This mask of indiscretion helps too,
Belligerent you are, yet you smile.
Embrace yourself, hold on tight.
Tighter and tighter till you choke yourself,
You deserve love. Love yourself.
Do yourself a favor, listen to me,
End it all, let go of this numbing constancy.

I want to embrace all that I am,
I want to bridle this dualness,
To permanently break this sphere.
I want to rip this cloth apart,
I want to deaden my pain,
To permanently destroy this ego.
I want to soften this touch,
I want to break down my insides,
To permanently shatter this conscience.
I want to peel this flesh off of me,
I want to ascend into the heavens, naked,
Make myself less solid and material,
To annihilate this fucking mind I own.

Confining myself into this paranoid shell,
I sink deeper down into my self-made prison.
I choose to let myself fall, I want to fall,
Fall down and break this dirty thought;
Once broken, I am free of my human mind.
I drop my leaden heart into your offertory plate,
Take it, take it and weight it against your ego.
Block your reverse jointed physicality
From the truths behind your head, your gods and lovers.
Overcome this state of dumbness,
Overcome all of this dirty thoughtlessness.
Shear the sheep! Slaughter the sheep!
You are one of them, remove yourself from the Whole.
Why do you live like this, void of self esteem?
Why do you bother? Why?
Your soul, your mind, so long forgotten;
Calcified, they are now dead.
They died fighting against ignorance.
"Ignore the non-ignorant!" The ignoramus commands you.
But ignorance breeds everything,
Without ignorance we are God.

An Interpretation Of TOOL Lyrics: Ænima to Lateralus

TOOL BOOK

This is an awesome book of lyrical interpretations of TOOL songs by Steven Caddy.

[ Vanilla Circus ]

Trent Reznor, Maynard James Keenan

Project: Tapeworm
Status: For more than four years, reports have circulated about this legendary hookup between Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor and Tool/ A Perfect Circle singer Maynard James Keenan. Fans got a sneak preview of one song when APC performed "Vacant" at a 1999 concert, a move that reportedly irritated the notoriously secretive Reznor. At different points, Tapeworm also featured NIN guitarist Danny Lohner, 12 Rounds bassist/drummer Atticus Ross and former NIN keyboardist Charles Clouser. The group had reportedly booked time in Atlanta's Southern Tracks Studios to record the album in August of 2002, but a spokesperson for Reznor said recently that the band is "not a functioning project," and the music is not likely to be released.

[ source: MTV News ]

Siddhartha | Part One| The Brahmin's Son

Siddhartha had begun to feel the seeds of discontent within him. He had begun to feel that the love of his father and mother, and also the love of his friend Govinda, would not always make him happy, give him peace, satisfy and suffice him. He had begun to suspect that his worthy father and his other teachers, the wise Brahmins, had already passed on to him the bulk and best of their wisdom, that they had already poured the sum total of their knowledge into his waiting vessel; and the vessel was not full, his intellect was not satisfied, his soul was not at peace, his heart was not still. The ablutions were good, but they were water; they did not wash sins away, they did not relieve the distressed heart. The sacrifices and the supplication of the gods were excellent - but were they everything? Did the sacrifices give happiness? And what about the gods? Was it really Prajapati who had created the world? Was it not Atman, He alone, who had created it? Were not the gods forms created like me and you, mortal, transient?Was it therefore good and right, was it a sensible and worthy act to offer sacrifices to the gods? To whom else should one offer sacrifices, to whom else should one pay honor, but to Him, Atman, the Only One? And where was Atman to be found, where did He dwell, where did His eternal heart beat, if not within the Self, in the innermost, in the eternal which each person carried within him? But where was this Self, this innermost? It was not flesh and bone, it was not thought or consciousness. That was what the wise men taught. Where, then, was it? To press towards the Self, towards Atman - was there another way that was worth seeking? Nobody showed the way, nobody knew it - neither his father, nor the teachers and wise men, nor the holy songs. The Brahmins and their holy books knew everything, everything; they had gone into everything - the creation of the world, the origin of speech, food, inhalation, exhalation, the arrangement of the senses, the acts of the gods. They knew a tremendous number of things - but was it worthwhile knowing all these things if they did not know the one important thing, the only important thing?

[Excerpt taken from the book "Sidhartha" by Herman Hesse, translated by Hilda Rosner]