suicidal imbecile... NOT!

sound : Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails

i never realized that there were so many people who cared... i get 2 calls today morning from aj and akhil asking me whether i'm ok... and now arun calls me and asks me to come and chat with him... and i thought its my lucky day or something... then i find out that arun thinks i'm flipin'... i seem kinda desperate in my last entry it seams... yes, i was kinda pissed... i still am... the thing about surya left me feeling like crap... but hey... the rest of the stuff just came at the moment... but thanks you guys... for seeing to it that i dont kill myself... crap!... i just read the damn thing... it does seem a lot like a suicide note... IT ISN'T!!!... arun, aj and akhil... thanks... i aint killing myself just yet... and the people who want me dead- sorry dudes... not yet anyway... maybe later....

yes, i am freaking out... yes, i'm a nut-case... i've said all of this a million times... nothing new here... the thing is... untill i'm able to not say stuff like that, i'm screwed... i may be happier compared to what i was like last november or something... but i'm still the same old messed up person inside... my lack of self confidence is shocking... i can't believe that i do not even have a shred of self-worth anymore... oh well... must be another block i'll have to overcome....

i guess procastrination is a part of my very essence... i was born fifteen days late for cryin' out loud!... anything i have to do i put away for a later time... anything... work, studies, taking a frikkin' piss... i delay everything... atleast i dont discriminate... i procastrinate without discrimination...

i am a non-discriminating procastrinator...

"The Newest Commandment" is under works... and by the proudest of the lumberjack clan... one of my own... she who cuts many a forest shall start her own brain space... it is the "Daughter of the Cut-forest" herself... the one i call "TANI"... more details as they come in... maybe after completion so to speak... completion would be the creation... but since it is already created is it complete yet?... but for it to be complete shouldn't the creator officially finish or a sign of completion from the creator herself?... so will the completion of the creation of the incomplete.... Yenna Patti?

"Oh no, I've gone cross-eyed again" - Austin Powers

peacerespectempathy