sound : Epitaph - King Crimson
Day: January 27th; 2006 EV
Time: (approx) 9:27 AM
i was listening to "The Undertaker (Renholder Remix)" by Puscifer, driving along highway 60 like i always do... i was on my way to drop mama at work... on the way to the mall i see shay and her aunt at the signal in the car beside mine... we wave at each other.... everyone smiles....
i drop mama at work and i get back on highway 60 to go pick up papa... he's at the toyota dealership; maintenance for his car..... i drive like i usually do.....
"stupid water tanker... going too slow..... why can't these dumbasses stop blocking our way?..."
i change lanes.... the truck in front of me slows down...... i look in the rear view mirror... uh oh.... i stop smiling...
oh fuck....
WHAM!...
im hit in the back by a semi.... an eighteen wheeler....
BAM!....
hit the second time..... i somehow manage not to get crushed between the two trucks......
next thing i know i'm on the next lane.... in shock.... i was shivering.....
first thing i did was to put on my hazard lights..... i couldn't get out of the car yet... i didn't want to see what had happened to poor layla....
"how bad is it?.... how did i end up on this lane?... why me?... why the fuck is it always me?.... will i go to jail?.... how can i afford insurance after this?.... i could have been crushed...."
i turn off my stereo, look down at my hands.... damn, they're still shaking.... i moved my head slowly so as to check whether i have whiplash.... nothing.... no physical injuries.....
i get out of the car and move towards the truck.... i peep in through the passenger door.... i knock and i open the door.... the driver is a lady.... not much older than me..... she looked like she saw a ghost... almost in tears even.... "are you ok?", i feel stupid immediately afterwords.... i was hit.... why do i need to comfort her when i'm just as scared, if not more?.....
i call papa and thomas uncle.....
i stand outside.... my hair flying all over the place in the chilly wind, i button up my favorite brown suede jacket.... i took a look at the back of my car.... first time after the accident.... i felt my heart shatter into a million pieces...
my car... my beautiful, lovely car.... ruined.... in an accident...... and she's barely a month old.... twenty two days to be exact..... oh man....
i felt THAT feeling.... the feeling one gets when they want to cry but they don't.... it's the hardest to handle, where you know you want to break down but you just won... not that you're stopping yourself, it's just that your body just wont.....
papa came before the police... he looked at the car and said something.... i don't remember what.... i don't even remember how i ended up on the third lane... did i skid there?.... or did i turn so that i don't get sandwiched between the two trucks?....
i look up at the sky and i see a bird flying overhead.....
i continued looking at the bird till it was nothing more than a speck over the horizon....
peacerespectempathy
1.24.2006
Moan # 2334
sound : 666 - John Frusciante
watching eric clapton play "old love" i realized something.... its been more than 2 months since i sat down and played proper guitar... and now, i feel bad.... yeah, im busy and stuff but that's no excuse....let me see.... let me wait till next month.... after my payments and stuff.... if i can afford it, i might go for guitar classes.... hmm.... yeah.... thats a good thing.....
peacerespectempathy
watching eric clapton play "old love" i realized something.... its been more than 2 months since i sat down and played proper guitar... and now, i feel bad.... yeah, im busy and stuff but that's no excuse....let me see.... let me wait till next month.... after my payments and stuff.... if i can afford it, i might go for guitar classes.... hmm.... yeah.... thats a good thing.....
peacerespectempathy
1.20.2006
i eat humans for fun and proteins....
sound : Carvel - John Frusciante
check in out... i have finally gotten my butt into myspace... the brothel of pop-culture.... all thanks to shunda....
check in out... i have finally gotten my butt into myspace... the brothel of pop-culture.... all thanks to shunda....
peacerespectempathy
1.14.2006
Venus In Furs
- The Velvet Underground and Nico
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather,
Whiplash girl-child in the dark
Comes in bells, your servant, don't forsake him.
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart.
Downy sins of streetlight fancies
Chase the costumes she shall wear.
Ermine furs adorn the imperious.
Severin, Severin awaits you there.
I am tired. I am weary.
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me,
Different colors made of tears.
Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather,
Shiny leather in the dark.
Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you,
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart
Severin, Severin, speak so slightly,
Severin, down on your bended knee.
Taste the whip, in love not given lightly,
Taste the whip, now plead for me.
I am tired. I am weary.
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me.
Different colors made of tears.
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather,
Whiplash girlchild in the dark.
Severin, your servant comes in bells, please don't forsake him.
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart.
1.11.2006
life's phlegm
sound : Sidewinder - Avenged Sevenfold
listening to modern punk and screamo on my manager's daughter's ipod....
colleen is a booze drinking, chain smoking twenty year old emo girl who works at macy's..... she's nice though....
craving an eastwood 3p deluxe....
will my dear sweet guardian angel please buy me one?...... (from here)
joking around about sharing a bunch of playboy bunnies with a bisexual goth girl....
yesterday was my first day of school.... i was talking to this goth girl (forgot her name) before class and she said she'd get me playboy bunnies if and only if i'd share them with her, to which i gladly agreed..... i can't be too greedy about bunnies.... at first, i was kinda freaked out about class because i'm taking math for lliberal arts 1 this semester but i have juanita to keep me company.... and the professor isn't all that evil....
grinning to myself thinking about layla....
i love my car....
escaping castration just because im "so damn cute"....
we were doing inventory in macy's and everyone was tired.... i made a major boo-boo in my section and my manager noreen told me that she would have castrated me if i weren't "so damn cute".... i guess she's losing her eyesigh or something....
flirting with the walmart girl....
i went to return this broken folder at walmart and this cute girl in the customer service section named jen starts making the moves on me.... ladies and germs.... major ego boost for your's truly.... well i responded likewise and finally i told her i'd see her around and walked away....
finding out that my iranian friend likes me....
big-ass long story.....
discussing my "pimpin" glasses" with dexter from work....
dexter is this cool black guy at macy's... he plays the keyboard like a true player, sax like a full-blown jazzman and the man is one heck of a "playa"..... trust me.... he's fun to be around....
trust me, there's way too much going on right now.... i mean seriously.... this isn't the usual whiney post that you'd usually see from me.... no.... this is me looking down on my life and feeling kinda happy about it (for once)....
i managed to get a differment on payment of my tuition for two months on account of my smile.....
yeah.... seriously.... my financial aid advisor is this cute cuban girl.... i kinda buttered her up by calling her an angel and stuff..... yeah, i know... i'm a slimey, greasy little bastard...
a colleague from work, diana, let me copy "city of evil" by avenged sevenfold..... now that is one good cd..... seriously.... the guitaring is perfect, the drumming is excellent, the bass is good and the vocals are ok..... i got "ten thousand fists" (disturbed) from thomas, a 15 year old guitar virtuoso and i got "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" dvd from greg, a 60 year old biker... no, he does not ride a hog or a chopper.... he rides a 1000cc sports bike......
i met tuyet a few days back... she came all the way to the mall from st pete just to see me.... we sat outside in the cold and she told me that she's signed up for the army... she leaves on the 15th of feb... fuck, what a stupid thing to do?.... what did i de when she told me?... i punched her on the shoulder.... but in the end i realized that she's gotta do what she has to to et through her issues..... we spoke for a little while and she had to go.... i hugged her and as she started her car i jumped up and climbed up onto her hood and stood there.... that was kinda funny..... thatnk eric clapton that i didn't fall.... coem to think of it, that was a stupid thing to do..... heh heh heh...
peacerespectempathy
POST SCRIPT: i just read through all that i'd just put down and all i see is the vomit of a self-indulgent bastard.... I RULE!!!
listening to modern punk and screamo on my manager's daughter's ipod....
colleen is a booze drinking, chain smoking twenty year old emo girl who works at macy's..... she's nice though....
craving an eastwood 3p deluxe....
will my dear sweet guardian angel please buy me one?...... (from here)
joking around about sharing a bunch of playboy bunnies with a bisexual goth girl....
yesterday was my first day of school.... i was talking to this goth girl (forgot her name) before class and she said she'd get me playboy bunnies if and only if i'd share them with her, to which i gladly agreed..... i can't be too greedy about bunnies.... at first, i was kinda freaked out about class because i'm taking math for lliberal arts 1 this semester but i have juanita to keep me company.... and the professor isn't all that evil....
grinning to myself thinking about layla....
i love my car....
escaping castration just because im "so damn cute"....
we were doing inventory in macy's and everyone was tired.... i made a major boo-boo in my section and my manager noreen told me that she would have castrated me if i weren't "so damn cute".... i guess she's losing her eyesigh or something....
flirting with the walmart girl....
i went to return this broken folder at walmart and this cute girl in the customer service section named jen starts making the moves on me.... ladies and germs.... major ego boost for your's truly.... well i responded likewise and finally i told her i'd see her around and walked away....
finding out that my iranian friend likes me....
big-ass long story.....
discussing my "pimpin" glasses" with dexter from work....
dexter is this cool black guy at macy's... he plays the keyboard like a true player, sax like a full-blown jazzman and the man is one heck of a "playa"..... trust me.... he's fun to be around....
trust me, there's way too much going on right now.... i mean seriously.... this isn't the usual whiney post that you'd usually see from me.... no.... this is me looking down on my life and feeling kinda happy about it (for once)....
i managed to get a differment on payment of my tuition for two months on account of my smile.....
yeah.... seriously.... my financial aid advisor is this cute cuban girl.... i kinda buttered her up by calling her an angel and stuff..... yeah, i know... i'm a slimey, greasy little bastard...
a colleague from work, diana, let me copy "city of evil" by avenged sevenfold..... now that is one good cd..... seriously.... the guitaring is perfect, the drumming is excellent, the bass is good and the vocals are ok..... i got "ten thousand fists" (disturbed) from thomas, a 15 year old guitar virtuoso and i got "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" dvd from greg, a 60 year old biker... no, he does not ride a hog or a chopper.... he rides a 1000cc sports bike......
i met tuyet a few days back... she came all the way to the mall from st pete just to see me.... we sat outside in the cold and she told me that she's signed up for the army... she leaves on the 15th of feb... fuck, what a stupid thing to do?.... what did i de when she told me?... i punched her on the shoulder.... but in the end i realized that she's gotta do what she has to to et through her issues..... we spoke for a little while and she had to go.... i hugged her and as she started her car i jumped up and climbed up onto her hood and stood there.... that was kinda funny..... thatnk eric clapton that i didn't fall.... coem to think of it, that was a stupid thing to do..... heh heh heh...
peacerespectempathy
POST SCRIPT: i just read through all that i'd just put down and all i see is the vomit of a self-indulgent bastard.... I RULE!!!
1.05.2006
Layla
sound : Layla - Eric Clapton
i finally have my baby and i do not thank god-dude or anybody for it..... yes, i have finally bought a car.... a 2006 civic lx.... 4 door sedan.... black with ivory interiors..... yes, yes.... i am finally mobile my dear little worms... and those damn reptiles can't do wack about it... but the truth is, im going to be broke for the rest of my life..... i am doing all payments including the $1000 down..... 400 big ones a month!.... ouch-ola man!.... but oh well.... she's a fine one and i love her......
why did i name her layla?.... well, as i was signing the contract for the car (in exchange for my soul being given to the devil?) in the dealership, the song "Layla" just blared out of the speakers there... it was like XM radio knew what they were doing... the universe aligned and god-dude finally looked down on me and smiled.... then he got all cocky and now i have to hang a rosary ("I'm melting!") in the car..... but yeah.... at that moment i knew whta i was going to call her..... Layla......
"Like a fool, i fell in love with you,
You turned my whole world upside down.
LAYLA!"
peacerespectempathy
i finally have my baby and i do not thank god-dude or anybody for it..... yes, i have finally bought a car.... a 2006 civic lx.... 4 door sedan.... black with ivory interiors..... yes, yes.... i am finally mobile my dear little worms... and those damn reptiles can't do wack about it... but the truth is, im going to be broke for the rest of my life..... i am doing all payments including the $1000 down..... 400 big ones a month!.... ouch-ola man!.... but oh well.... she's a fine one and i love her......
why did i name her layla?.... well, as i was signing the contract for the car (in exchange for my soul being given to the devil?) in the dealership, the song "Layla" just blared out of the speakers there... it was like XM radio knew what they were doing... the universe aligned and god-dude finally looked down on me and smiled.... then he got all cocky and now i have to hang a rosary ("I'm melting!") in the car..... but yeah.... at that moment i knew whta i was going to call her..... Layla......
"Like a fool, i fell in love with you,
You turned my whole world upside down.
LAYLA!"
peacerespectempathy
pigfart
sound : breathing....
it's confusing about how things just flow along.... you hit ona religious freak after you tell her that jesus was a pot smoking hippie and that dubya is a limey, scum-sucking bastard and you still end up with a nice smile and a wink?.... huh?.... what the fart man?.... funny how a marriage proposal to a mysterious wiccan chick goes down the drain because you mention threesomes and voyeuristic lesbian sex..... oh yeah... the things i go through..... i was being taught how to cheer by an eleven yar old girl.... an i finally met my white half brother/twin/clone person..... well oh well..... working the day after..... my oh my.... and being hired permanently?..... need a car... must get a car.... i deserve a car, dont i?..... guitar.... fuck.... frustration coming up again.... must think positively.... happy place.... mountains, waterfalls..... sweet calming music.... eric clapton... jack white.... guitar... GUITAR!!!.... crap!.... must change topic.... confusion.... yes, positive stuff.... destroyed FUBAR.... unFUBARred my life... good, good.... school opening again.... YAY.... (can't believe i just said yay about school opening)... math and art apreciation.... mallus still confused why im not doing medicine..... told them to fart off..... blank stares... confusion... lots of work.... must bank checks... no money otherwise.... must finish dæmonomania too.... got to finish early.... late fees too high.... watched blow again..... kinda happpy about that.... dreamt of cool johnny deppp glasses.... must get glasses.... must get guitar!!!.... crap!.... i aint getting anywhere..... this girl at work likes me.... looks ok and everything... has bad breath.... feel my soul trying to escape out of my butt each time i talk to her.... damn reptiles!!... all their fault..... stupid scaley beasts with peanut brains!!.... must think.... damn!.... im going to turn 22 this year.... im a dinosaur... im becoming one of them..... im becoming a reptile!!!... help me jebus..... you pot smoking hippie..... dear eric clapton, save me from god-dude (the fake one), jebus, dubya, the reptiles and from myself... your true disciple... me... "while my guitar gently weeps"....
peacerespectempathy
it's confusing about how things just flow along.... you hit ona religious freak after you tell her that jesus was a pot smoking hippie and that dubya is a limey, scum-sucking bastard and you still end up with a nice smile and a wink?.... huh?.... what the fart man?.... funny how a marriage proposal to a mysterious wiccan chick goes down the drain because you mention threesomes and voyeuristic lesbian sex..... oh yeah... the things i go through..... i was being taught how to cheer by an eleven yar old girl.... an i finally met my white half brother/twin/clone person..... well oh well..... working the day after..... my oh my.... and being hired permanently?..... need a car... must get a car.... i deserve a car, dont i?..... guitar.... fuck.... frustration coming up again.... must think positively.... happy place.... mountains, waterfalls..... sweet calming music.... eric clapton... jack white.... guitar... GUITAR!!!.... crap!.... must change topic.... confusion.... yes, positive stuff.... destroyed FUBAR.... unFUBARred my life... good, good.... school opening again.... YAY.... (can't believe i just said yay about school opening)... math and art apreciation.... mallus still confused why im not doing medicine..... told them to fart off..... blank stares... confusion... lots of work.... must bank checks... no money otherwise.... must finish dæmonomania too.... got to finish early.... late fees too high.... watched blow again..... kinda happpy about that.... dreamt of cool johnny deppp glasses.... must get glasses.... must get guitar!!!.... crap!.... i aint getting anywhere..... this girl at work likes me.... looks ok and everything... has bad breath.... feel my soul trying to escape out of my butt each time i talk to her.... damn reptiles!!... all their fault..... stupid scaley beasts with peanut brains!!.... must think.... damn!.... im going to turn 22 this year.... im a dinosaur... im becoming one of them..... im becoming a reptile!!!... help me jebus..... you pot smoking hippie..... dear eric clapton, save me from god-dude (the fake one), jebus, dubya, the reptiles and from myself... your true disciple... me... "while my guitar gently weeps"....
peacerespectempathy
12.23.2005
brain-sperm
sound : White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
many moons have passed since we last met my pretties..... oh yes.... changes are abound...
"the times they are a-changing"...
meeting these old remnants from another generation surely brings out so much in you.... even if all of them are way too progressive for their times.... seriously..... eating italian food and praising the things that you hate you float on, higher and higher into the mess that is life.... discuss suits and cologne, cameras and how little money im going to make.... aah yes, the life of an american ex-patriot(?)....
"bow down before the one you serve, you're gonna get what you deserve."
limewire just refuses to work.... i hate this.....
freaky... this anneurismic feeling of delusional cheer that is christmas.... i have no christmas spirit in me..... i have done half of my christmas shopping but why shop at all?.... this girl likes me.... and i have no idea on how to tur her down without hurting her..... finally the answer popped into my head.... gift-card!!.... they are truly god-dude's greatest gift to mankind....
it's truly depressing thinking about your favorite times with your favorite people.... but what's the use?.... it's just masturbation..... dreaming and thought is just masturbation for the Physical You.... i spend half of my life masturbating.... the rest i spend weeping and moaning like a wimp on a mexican soap opera.....
this monster feeling that is _____ is so god-frickin'-damn annoying that i just feel like ripping it out from deep within my belly and flushiong it down with all the poop and crap and crud that is my spirit....
"PSYCHO! GROUPIE! COCAINE! CRAZY!"
im quitting at Mickey D's... yeah... the grime sweat and oozing fat has gotten to me.... i can't stand it any more..... those bastard cows that become the burgers talk to me at night... i made the decision to quit when i dreamt that i was serving human burgers to cows and pigs.... those damn pigs....
the trusth is that i now know almost half of all the olod farts orders at McD's.... people strted telling me that im gonna own ten of the damn places in a few years and other such supposedly flattering things.... the old farts have got to find somebody else to memorize their orders now because i now sell suits and pants and shirts and ties at Macy's.... the pay is better plus there's commision on whatever i sell along with the pay they give me.... and during the holidays the work is kinda tiring but it's all good.... think $24.8 an hour.... ladies and germs, that is how much i mad the day before yesterday (hourly pay and commision included).... now how is that for a nice job?... agreed after the holidays it's going to get a little slower but there is always the hourly pay they give me.... good god man... "im lovin' it!"...
but all of this capital flow is hurting me.... my last day at McD's is next week.... so right now im doing two jobs... the day before yesterday i worked 16 hours..... exhausting not to say the least but after next week it's going to get better....
i miss tuyet.... she moved away.... she's moved to st pete... she's in NY right now..... hating it.... she lost her phone and she's not enjoying it one bit..... calls up like 5 to 6 times a day just to talk..... she remembers just two numbers... mine and another friend of hers named jen..... i miss her.... yeah... i got her an american eagle t-shirt and glasses..... she said she'll be back in brandon for christmas and then go back to st pete....
i got tiffnie a tinkerbell bag from hot topic.... speaking about hot topic, i have gained a new-found respect o the spawning ground of wannabe-culture..... i bought both the new tool dvd singles (parabola and schism) from them on the day of it's release (december 20th)... the videos are cool.... the idea of dual commentries is awesome and the remixes by LUSTMORD are just plain cool.... long drawn out epic mixes of the songs... perfect for an lsd trip.....
"my lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
you look so precious. you look so precious.
you look so precious. you look so precious.
you look so precious now. you look so precious."
aerosmith and lenny kravitz coming to tampa on the 17th of january.... townshend and the gang are going to tour next year.... coldplay's coming here in march.... i wish i have enough money to go.....
i got work at 5.... damn... i gotta fix up my ensemble for today.... shirt, pant, belt, tie... and they should all flow.... i am becoming that which i despise.... a sales-person..... i sell.... i sell.... i put more money into the grubby hands of all those corporate bastards who i hate so much.... i wear designer clothes and smooth talk people into buying overpriced clothing made in the sweat shops of vietnam..... but the thing is, im getting a lot of money doing this....
"DEAD INSIDE! DEAD INSIDE!
DEAD INSIDE! DEAD INSIDE!"
"shit adds up at the bottom"
i need a colonic... to cleanse myself.... an enema..... something to remove all of this negativity from myself..... i have plans for next year that i dare not speak to anyone about because it would be shot down like a poor retarded duck during hunting season..... oh well....
i truly believe that the mall is the breeding ground for 13 year old whores and pimps and wannabe gangsta's, pseudo-punks with fiery red hair and weepy goths all in black with their green mohawks a bright flag to mark their entrance into the worlds of commercialized deviance..... the whole method of thought is dead.... the email arun sent me was edifying and oh so true of our times....
"que onda amigo?"
"pour que?"
FUCK YOU!
peacerespectempathy
many moons have passed since we last met my pretties..... oh yes.... changes are abound...
"the times they are a-changing"...
meeting these old remnants from another generation surely brings out so much in you.... even if all of them are way too progressive for their times.... seriously..... eating italian food and praising the things that you hate you float on, higher and higher into the mess that is life.... discuss suits and cologne, cameras and how little money im going to make.... aah yes, the life of an american ex-patriot(?)....
"bow down before the one you serve, you're gonna get what you deserve."
limewire just refuses to work.... i hate this.....
freaky... this anneurismic feeling of delusional cheer that is christmas.... i have no christmas spirit in me..... i have done half of my christmas shopping but why shop at all?.... this girl likes me.... and i have no idea on how to tur her down without hurting her..... finally the answer popped into my head.... gift-card!!.... they are truly god-dude's greatest gift to mankind....
it's truly depressing thinking about your favorite times with your favorite people.... but what's the use?.... it's just masturbation..... dreaming and thought is just masturbation for the Physical You.... i spend half of my life masturbating.... the rest i spend weeping and moaning like a wimp on a mexican soap opera.....
this monster feeling that is _____ is so god-frickin'-damn annoying that i just feel like ripping it out from deep within my belly and flushiong it down with all the poop and crap and crud that is my spirit....
"PSYCHO! GROUPIE! COCAINE! CRAZY!"
im quitting at Mickey D's... yeah... the grime sweat and oozing fat has gotten to me.... i can't stand it any more..... those bastard cows that become the burgers talk to me at night... i made the decision to quit when i dreamt that i was serving human burgers to cows and pigs.... those damn pigs....
the trusth is that i now know almost half of all the olod farts orders at McD's.... people strted telling me that im gonna own ten of the damn places in a few years and other such supposedly flattering things.... the old farts have got to find somebody else to memorize their orders now because i now sell suits and pants and shirts and ties at Macy's.... the pay is better plus there's commision on whatever i sell along with the pay they give me.... and during the holidays the work is kinda tiring but it's all good.... think $24.8 an hour.... ladies and germs, that is how much i mad the day before yesterday (hourly pay and commision included).... now how is that for a nice job?... agreed after the holidays it's going to get a little slower but there is always the hourly pay they give me.... good god man... "im lovin' it!"...
but all of this capital flow is hurting me.... my last day at McD's is next week.... so right now im doing two jobs... the day before yesterday i worked 16 hours..... exhausting not to say the least but after next week it's going to get better....
i miss tuyet.... she moved away.... she's moved to st pete... she's in NY right now..... hating it.... she lost her phone and she's not enjoying it one bit..... calls up like 5 to 6 times a day just to talk..... she remembers just two numbers... mine and another friend of hers named jen..... i miss her.... yeah... i got her an american eagle t-shirt and glasses..... she said she'll be back in brandon for christmas and then go back to st pete....
i got tiffnie a tinkerbell bag from hot topic.... speaking about hot topic, i have gained a new-found respect o the spawning ground of wannabe-culture..... i bought both the new tool dvd singles (parabola and schism) from them on the day of it's release (december 20th)... the videos are cool.... the idea of dual commentries is awesome and the remixes by LUSTMORD are just plain cool.... long drawn out epic mixes of the songs... perfect for an lsd trip.....
"my lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
you look so precious. you look so precious.
you look so precious. you look so precious.
you look so precious now. you look so precious."
aerosmith and lenny kravitz coming to tampa on the 17th of january.... townshend and the gang are going to tour next year.... coldplay's coming here in march.... i wish i have enough money to go.....
i got work at 5.... damn... i gotta fix up my ensemble for today.... shirt, pant, belt, tie... and they should all flow.... i am becoming that which i despise.... a sales-person..... i sell.... i sell.... i put more money into the grubby hands of all those corporate bastards who i hate so much.... i wear designer clothes and smooth talk people into buying overpriced clothing made in the sweat shops of vietnam..... but the thing is, im getting a lot of money doing this....
"DEAD INSIDE! DEAD INSIDE!
DEAD INSIDE! DEAD INSIDE!"
"shit adds up at the bottom"
i need a colonic... to cleanse myself.... an enema..... something to remove all of this negativity from myself..... i have plans for next year that i dare not speak to anyone about because it would be shot down like a poor retarded duck during hunting season..... oh well....
i truly believe that the mall is the breeding ground for 13 year old whores and pimps and wannabe gangsta's, pseudo-punks with fiery red hair and weepy goths all in black with their green mohawks a bright flag to mark their entrance into the worlds of commercialized deviance..... the whole method of thought is dead.... the email arun sent me was edifying and oh so true of our times....
"que onda amigo?"
"pour que?"
FUCK YOU!
peacerespectempathy
12.10.2005
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
- George Harrison
I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you
I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you
I look from the wings at the play you are staging
While my guitar gently weeps
As I'm sitting here doing nothing but aging
Still my guitar gently weeps
11.27.2005
Brain Fart Vol. 2
sound : My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama - Frank Zappa
on medication you see so much... not because the drugs get onto you.... but because you lie in bed and think a lot.... i found scooby doo on the ceiling over my bed..... i have half fulfilled dreams of things i wasnt meant to have right now because of my fool-hardiness.... my body aches.... yes, yes... this is a complaint piece of telegramme-like proportions.....
peacerespectempathy
on medication you see so much... not because the drugs get onto you.... but because you lie in bed and think a lot.... i found scooby doo on the ceiling over my bed..... i have half fulfilled dreams of things i wasnt meant to have right now because of my fool-hardiness.... my body aches.... yes, yes... this is a complaint piece of telegramme-like proportions.....
"Holy crap dude! They've killed Kenny!"
"The Bastards!"
peacerespectempathy
11.26.2005
The Scarred Philosopher said
sound : Catholic Girls - Frank Zappa
i read the entry on tess' new blog and i felt like just hugging her or something... reminds me of the little pet sparrow i one had...
it was a little baby sparow.... it could almost fly.... actually.... it could make these hops.... i wonder what would have been different if it had not died....
it didnt even have a name...
peacerespectempathy
i read the entry on tess' new blog and i felt like just hugging her or something... reminds me of the little pet sparrow i one had...
oh yeah... another thing... not saying anything about tess... but my sparrow died.... this mean kid at school pushed it into some water and it died the next day..... i beat the little bastard up behind the senior toilets after that....poor, poor tess... i know exactly how you feel.... one moment you have so much hatred inside of you that you feel like bursting but the next minute.... when the light finally shines.... you feel it all just flitter away.... like the wind so to speak.... i spent any months in anger.... truly.... personally.... i think i havent fixed my links in my blog because i think i hate the times when i was like that.... full of rage and fury.... aimed at nothing but walls....
"why did we have to get a guitar?.... why does he even need a guitar?... he doesn't like music.... i want a bass guitar not a six-string..."
months later i changed my views.... its been three years now... i havent played proper guitar in weeks..... i still dont own that elusive electric guitar..... right now... i have done something i want to... the feeling of elation right now is undescribable... trust me....
in due time everything will me all right.... and you realizing you love your mother is a good thing.....4 months of labor and scrooge-like behavior is finally paying off.... i think im ready to open up again... ill fix my links... soon....
till the next time you blog... adios little one....
PRE - avi
it was a little baby sparow.... it could almost fly.... actually.... it could make these hops.... i wonder what would have been different if it had not died....
it didnt even have a name...
peacerespectempathy
11.16.2005
another one of those boring, no meaninged posts about my day... i know none of you care to read this shit but hey!... its called artistic license...
sound : Naima - Santana
welcome back to my oblong reality my friends..... oh yes, i am back in the blitzkreig bop of my life... no, im not complaining.... actually today has been ok..... not too bad actually....
well, i stayed up till 12:30 last night finishing my psych paper which was due today (yes, i am the maharajah of procastrination).... went to school and i found out that people thought that jerusha (a friend of mine) and i are dating.... rectified all the confusion there by claiming that i was in love with another dude and everybody was happy and wierded out again.... confusion, the way of the perfect human.....
submitted my paper to shrek (my psych professor, he looks like shrek and talks like brain from
"Pinky and the Brain") and i hung out with friends the rest of the day.... yeah... the same old monotony of everyday life in the body of avinash.... frankly, i like it...
Oh yeah.... i drew a caricature of john lennon playing his guitar on my friend, mellissa's arm..... it actually looked kinda good..... i should have taken a picture of it but i forgot about it..... it was big too.... from her shoulder till her elbow..... i also drew a caveman on tuyet's arm.....
i think i should get into body art.... seems like a good profession if you ask me..... hmm....
peacerespectempathy
welcome back to my oblong reality my friends..... oh yes, i am back in the blitzkreig bop of my life... no, im not complaining.... actually today has been ok..... not too bad actually....
well, i stayed up till 12:30 last night finishing my psych paper which was due today (yes, i am the maharajah of procastrination).... went to school and i found out that people thought that jerusha (a friend of mine) and i are dating.... rectified all the confusion there by claiming that i was in love with another dude and everybody was happy and wierded out again.... confusion, the way of the perfect human.....
submitted my paper to shrek (my psych professor, he looks like shrek and talks like brain from
"Pinky and the Brain") and i hung out with friends the rest of the day.... yeah... the same old monotony of everyday life in the body of avinash.... frankly, i like it...
Oh yeah.... i drew a caricature of john lennon playing his guitar on my friend, mellissa's arm..... it actually looked kinda good..... i should have taken a picture of it but i forgot about it..... it was big too.... from her shoulder till her elbow..... i also drew a caveman on tuyet's arm.....
i think i should get into body art.... seems like a good profession if you ask me..... hmm....
peacerespectempathy
11.14.2005
The "Being John Malkovich" Syndrome
sound : Paranoid - Black Sabbath
arun's comment on my previous post has sent me through one of my usual tangents.....
why is it that i become a blind sheep to the ones that i admire?.... why is it that i have always believed that the greatest way to awsomeness was to emulate the ways and the means of all that i admire?... and why, oh why is it that the ones i admire have never, ever been any of the plain and normal heroes of our time..... why isn't gandhi my hero?.... or mother teresa?.... or even michael jordan?......
what is with this need of mine to discover the narrow crooked path of the scum of the earth..... why is it that when i discover something that i like, i (metaphorically) rape it to death?..... system of a down, aleister crowley, tool, hunter thompson, (at one stage of my life..... my personal shame) limp bizkit, linkin park, nine inch nails, audioslave, john frusciante, symphonic goth rock..... whenever i discover a new artist i get myself to check out each and every one of their creations....
now this leads me to ajnu's remark..... about the "ambition" thing... maybe this "being john malkovich" syndrome of mine stems from my non-ambition.... my total lack of wanting a future.... no, let me rephrase that.... i want a future..... but i think that i am too light on the ways on how i control myself and my life..... i'd rather let myself flow i guess.....
but this letting myself flow doesn't help my ego in any way.... i become this wierd freak of a man with no sense of being and no ambition what so ever..... add to this my lack of true and real heroes..... i have none.... no heroes.... zip... nada... nil.... and what do you get?..... a hero-worshipping pussy dude.... yes my most unlucky readers..... you have now understood what i truly am.... i am a loser..... not just any plain old loser... no, no, no, no, no.... i am a loser of the worst kind.... i am a no-good, worthless, non-ambitious, funk of a loser..... yes, the worst kind of loser there is....
but i have survived for this long being this wierd pathetic loser that i am.... what does that say about my theory of malkovichness?.... what does that make me?... am i scum?.... am i a waste of matter in this universe?....
i don't think so.... agreed, i do not have ambition.... my life is nearly non-existant.... but im alive.... i'm alive and kicking as hard as i can.... yes. all ye worms who read this, i am not a waste of mass and matter in this universe.... maybe i wont be rich or great during my lifetime.... but my life is much better that most others.... i have experienced way more than most people... i am the story teller... i am the wise old man on the mountain... i am the one THEY speak of with pity in THEIR voices.... i am the one who tried to help people when they need help the most....
I AM THE WALRUS!
and as the walrus i am content...
yes, you bunch of squirming maggots... in my own special way, i am content.....
peacerespectempathy
arun's comment on my previous post has sent me through one of my usual tangents.....
why is it that i become a blind sheep to the ones that i admire?.... why is it that i have always believed that the greatest way to awsomeness was to emulate the ways and the means of all that i admire?... and why, oh why is it that the ones i admire have never, ever been any of the plain and normal heroes of our time..... why isn't gandhi my hero?.... or mother teresa?.... or even michael jordan?......
what is with this need of mine to discover the narrow crooked path of the scum of the earth..... why is it that when i discover something that i like, i (metaphorically) rape it to death?..... system of a down, aleister crowley, tool, hunter thompson, (at one stage of my life..... my personal shame) limp bizkit, linkin park, nine inch nails, audioslave, john frusciante, symphonic goth rock..... whenever i discover a new artist i get myself to check out each and every one of their creations....
now this leads me to ajnu's remark..... about the "ambition" thing... maybe this "being john malkovich" syndrome of mine stems from my non-ambition.... my total lack of wanting a future.... no, let me rephrase that.... i want a future..... but i think that i am too light on the ways on how i control myself and my life..... i'd rather let myself flow i guess.....
but this letting myself flow doesn't help my ego in any way.... i become this wierd freak of a man with no sense of being and no ambition what so ever..... add to this my lack of true and real heroes..... i have none.... no heroes.... zip... nada... nil.... and what do you get?..... a hero-worshipping pussy dude.... yes my most unlucky readers..... you have now understood what i truly am.... i am a loser..... not just any plain old loser... no, no, no, no, no.... i am a loser of the worst kind.... i am a no-good, worthless, non-ambitious, funk of a loser..... yes, the worst kind of loser there is....
but i have survived for this long being this wierd pathetic loser that i am.... what does that say about my theory of malkovichness?.... what does that make me?... am i scum?.... am i a waste of matter in this universe?....
i don't think so.... agreed, i do not have ambition.... my life is nearly non-existant.... but im alive.... i'm alive and kicking as hard as i can.... yes. all ye worms who read this, i am not a waste of mass and matter in this universe.... maybe i wont be rich or great during my lifetime.... but my life is much better that most others.... i have experienced way more than most people... i am the story teller... i am the wise old man on the mountain... i am the one THEY speak of with pity in THEIR voices.... i am the one who tried to help people when they need help the most....
I AM THE WALRUS!
and as the walrus i am content...
yes, you bunch of squirming maggots... in my own special way, i am content.....
peacerespectempathy
11.12.2005
DRIP, DRIP, DRIP....
sound : Girl, you'll Be A Woman Soon - Urge Overkill
do you ever feel so closed up that you feel like what little you let out of yourself is like the drippings of a leaky faucet?.... damn these pig-thoughts in my head..... pig, dog, shred, lamb-chops, YMCA.... where is there any connection?..... the bastards....
it's like when you try to count the stars in the newspapers and you end up with a mind-boggling vision of flying pigs and singing dogs.... damn those singing dogs.....
unknown to you and your's i have found jesus.... my jesus.... my personal jesus so to speak..... but who is this great soul that i proclaim to be jesus?.... why would i, this pig-fart of a man even try to proclaim anybody as jesus?... well, IT'S COS I DAMN WELL CAN!!
and since i can, i will....
my jesus was a mescaline eating, music loving, anti-establishmentarian power junky.... yes my jesus was the hullucinogenic word-king.... my jesus is Dr. Hunter S. Thompson....
reading his work i feel so attached to him... i feel like we were twins from different wombs.... if only i had known the true greatness of HST earlier on... atleast before he died... maybe i could have tried contacting... knowing his empathy for crazed, lost souls i might have had a chance for a reply from him.... however small it may have been....
or maybe it's better off this way... maybe i would have hated him after he (supposedly) replied to my message.... them maybe i would have lived my whole life hating the one i look upto....
maybe this is one of those moments where i truly understand what idol worship is..... maybe maynard and HST are my idols..... mayeb the way i feel a connection to them is how so many little teenage girls and confused, hormone-driven thirteen year old boys adore their personal jesuses..... you know?... all the pop-sluts and the pseudo-(read fake)-rock jiggolos and the glitter-whores....
maybe HST is my favorite pop-slut....
peacerespectempathy
do you ever feel so closed up that you feel like what little you let out of yourself is like the drippings of a leaky faucet?.... damn these pig-thoughts in my head..... pig, dog, shred, lamb-chops, YMCA.... where is there any connection?..... the bastards....
it's like when you try to count the stars in the newspapers and you end up with a mind-boggling vision of flying pigs and singing dogs.... damn those singing dogs.....
unknown to you and your's i have found jesus.... my jesus.... my personal jesus so to speak..... but who is this great soul that i proclaim to be jesus?.... why would i, this pig-fart of a man even try to proclaim anybody as jesus?... well, IT'S COS I DAMN WELL CAN!!
and since i can, i will....
my jesus was a mescaline eating, music loving, anti-establishmentarian power junky.... yes my jesus was the hullucinogenic word-king.... my jesus is Dr. Hunter S. Thompson....
reading his work i feel so attached to him... i feel like we were twins from different wombs.... if only i had known the true greatness of HST earlier on... atleast before he died... maybe i could have tried contacting... knowing his empathy for crazed, lost souls i might have had a chance for a reply from him.... however small it may have been....
or maybe it's better off this way... maybe i would have hated him after he (supposedly) replied to my message.... them maybe i would have lived my whole life hating the one i look upto....
maybe this is one of those moments where i truly understand what idol worship is..... maybe maynard and HST are my idols..... mayeb the way i feel a connection to them is how so many little teenage girls and confused, hormone-driven thirteen year old boys adore their personal jesuses..... you know?... all the pop-sluts and the pseudo-(read fake)-rock jiggolos and the glitter-whores....
maybe HST is my favorite pop-slut....
peacerespectempathy
...
sound : Only - Nine Inch Nails
im at one of those moments in my life again..... im happy (?) and all of that jazz but the thing is... there's still something missing.... there's everything thati have and i still feel so damn screwed up.... i know i sound like some lame-ass emo kid, but maybe i am?..... now thats a creepy thought....
the thing is... im getting impatient with all of this "life" thing.... i dont even know if im going in the right direction.....
i guess the next thing i have to find for myself is ambition....
hmm...
peacerespectempathy
im at one of those moments in my life again..... im happy (?) and all of that jazz but the thing is... there's still something missing.... there's everything thati have and i still feel so damn screwed up.... i know i sound like some lame-ass emo kid, but maybe i am?..... now thats a creepy thought....
the thing is... im getting impatient with all of this "life" thing.... i dont even know if im going in the right direction.....
i guess the next thing i have to find for myself is ambition....
hmm...
peacerespectempathy
10.25.2005
moment
sound : Remember - Disturbed
i don't know why... but right now i had that feeling in the pit of my chest... that squeezing feeling that one getswhen they're just a moment before beaten up, the mini-second before their faces are beaten to a pulp, the little eon of time that passes in the space between your eyes and your eyelids, that feeling of fear and terror mingled just before you wait for the first punch in a fight.... the feeling you get when you remember something and you hurt.... yes, hurt.....
as soon as i played this song, i had this image of me sitting on the computer reading "Rama" by Arthur C. Clarke run through my head.... and in a split second saw the whole of last christmas... everything.... everything that happened then, which leads to the present Now...
i'm still hurting...
"I dont remember
To let them know
Whats given to me.
To hide behind the mask this time
And try to believe
If i can remember
To know know this will
Conquer me
If i can just walk alone
And try to escape into me."
peacerespectempathy
i don't know why... but right now i had that feeling in the pit of my chest... that squeezing feeling that one getswhen they're just a moment before beaten up, the mini-second before their faces are beaten to a pulp, the little eon of time that passes in the space between your eyes and your eyelids, that feeling of fear and terror mingled just before you wait for the first punch in a fight.... the feeling you get when you remember something and you hurt.... yes, hurt.....
as soon as i played this song, i had this image of me sitting on the computer reading "Rama" by Arthur C. Clarke run through my head.... and in a split second saw the whole of last christmas... everything.... everything that happened then, which leads to the present Now...
i'm still hurting...
"I dont remember
To let them know
Whats given to me.
To hide behind the mask this time
And try to believe
If i can remember
To know know this will
Conquer me
If i can just walk alone
And try to escape into me."
peacerespectempathy
10.21.2005
BRAIN FART - a vanity exercise
sound : Within You Without You - The Beatles
i hate it... i have so much running through my head nowadays its incredible..... a few days back arun told me to wake up... yes, monkeys and fellow pachyderms.... i was asleep... mentally asleep..... my brain has not functioned in a while now..... i feel this horrid weight, the weight of ignorance on my back... damn you... damn you!
so i have woken my brain up... and in the process i have opened this pandora's box full of monsters and beasties.... yes, my fellow assholes.... i have created a monster out of my mind.... i seek beauty now.... i always had but now anything i sense as being ugly, i loathe.... yes... ugliness be-eth my enemy.... by beautiful i dont mean pretty.... no, no, no, no, no.... by beautiful i mean.... i dunno what i mean..... last night i was talking to surya about beauty and she said, "avi, you are arty."... for a moment i thought she had just called me wierd in a strange twisted way... but then i smiled, all by myself at midnight i was smiling while typing messages to a girl who lives twelve timezones away from me..... yes.... i became remotely happy then when she said that i wasn't wierd.... i am not wierd.... im just the innovator as i've learnt in sociology.... i deny myself the means but crave for the goals....
crave..... yes, i crave.... i crave more than most.... i crave endlessly.... i have cravings for so many things that i switched my brain off for a while because of my failures in accumilating all of my cravings.... (thank you arun).... yes, i am awake now..... yes, i still crave.... but that doesn't mean i have to shut down all my faculties of abstract thought just so that i may live in my self-formed shadow of bleak, self-induced madness....
madness... i fell this madness of mine coming over me.... i don't know... i spend most of my outside time jokingly flirting with each and every feminine entity that i meet... why do i do that?... what is with this madness of mine?..... i guess it's just my way of proving to myself that i am not an ugly lout with no hopes of ever having a non-platonic relationship with any of the non-penile/boob folk..... amongst us penile-folk...we are very, ver insecure.... not many people realize that.... oh well.... we are the mis-understood, testicled beings.... lord have mercy on our souls.....
tuyet was stabbed a few days back and i have been pulling an atlas with her soul for the past two days..... as usual... boy/girl meets girl/boy.... they start to like eeach other and...
boy/girl gets heartbroken.... what is with this thing called love anyway?.... why does most people who fall in love tend to look like road-kill at the end of the cycle????
oh well.... i guess i shall muscle on through my own dark corridoors of false madnesses and lengthy monologues of the soul(-less).... i shall crave and lust... greed and torture... i shall hurt and kill.... why does the universe even agree to let me be as i am.... i am just cosmic-faeces waiting to be ejected out of this damn plane....
i have got to find some way to release these monsters from inside of my head.... i can't do this anymore..... for now my dear boys and girls.... i bid you a bummed out "adios!"....
GOOD GOD MAN! i hate the damn corrolla....
peacerespectempathy
i hate it... i have so much running through my head nowadays its incredible..... a few days back arun told me to wake up... yes, monkeys and fellow pachyderms.... i was asleep... mentally asleep..... my brain has not functioned in a while now..... i feel this horrid weight, the weight of ignorance on my back... damn you... damn you!
so i have woken my brain up... and in the process i have opened this pandora's box full of monsters and beasties.... yes, my fellow assholes.... i have created a monster out of my mind.... i seek beauty now.... i always had but now anything i sense as being ugly, i loathe.... yes... ugliness be-eth my enemy.... by beautiful i dont mean pretty.... no, no, no, no, no.... by beautiful i mean.... i dunno what i mean..... last night i was talking to surya about beauty and she said, "avi, you are arty."... for a moment i thought she had just called me wierd in a strange twisted way... but then i smiled, all by myself at midnight i was smiling while typing messages to a girl who lives twelve timezones away from me..... yes.... i became remotely happy then when she said that i wasn't wierd.... i am not wierd.... im just the innovator as i've learnt in sociology.... i deny myself the means but crave for the goals....
crave..... yes, i crave.... i crave more than most.... i crave endlessly.... i have cravings for so many things that i switched my brain off for a while because of my failures in accumilating all of my cravings.... (thank you arun).... yes, i am awake now..... yes, i still crave.... but that doesn't mean i have to shut down all my faculties of abstract thought just so that i may live in my self-formed shadow of bleak, self-induced madness....
madness... i fell this madness of mine coming over me.... i don't know... i spend most of my outside time jokingly flirting with each and every feminine entity that i meet... why do i do that?... what is with this madness of mine?..... i guess it's just my way of proving to myself that i am not an ugly lout with no hopes of ever having a non-platonic relationship with any of the non-penile/boob folk..... amongst us penile-folk...we are very, ver insecure.... not many people realize that.... oh well.... we are the mis-understood, testicled beings.... lord have mercy on our souls.....
tuyet was stabbed a few days back and i have been pulling an atlas with her soul for the past two days..... as usual... boy/girl meets girl/boy.... they start to like eeach other and...
KA-BLAAAAM!
boy/girl gets heartbroken.... what is with this thing called love anyway?.... why does most people who fall in love tend to look like road-kill at the end of the cycle????
oh well.... i guess i shall muscle on through my own dark corridoors of false madnesses and lengthy monologues of the soul(-less).... i shall crave and lust... greed and torture... i shall hurt and kill.... why does the universe even agree to let me be as i am.... i am just cosmic-faeces waiting to be ejected out of this damn plane....
i have got to find some way to release these monsters from inside of my head.... i can't do this anymore..... for now my dear boys and girls.... i bid you a bummed out "adios!"....
GOOD GOD MAN! i hate the damn corrolla....
peacerespectempathy
10.19.2005
insurance companies are evil....
sound : Silent Spring - Probot feat Kurt Brecht
what do i say?.... it's been a while, thats for sure.... how do i put it.... i've been riding the waves again.... yeah... the crests and the lows are back... what the heck is wrong with me?.... shit!....
yeah.... im losing the fight against the priests of dogma.... my defences are holding up but i have to let go.... im running out of supplies..... in the end i'll have to let the drawbridge down.... and then... then what?... do i become one of the generic clones of the million dravidian descented monkeys that walk these dirty plains?.... i can feel it happening... atleast i am not on the path of career-shit land... not yet anyway..... but even though i fought that away so far i have new battles to fight.... damn this.... my generals are giving up.... my head commander (the bastard!) just ran away to the enemy with my daughter in tow.....
i might have to get a frickin' corrolla... i know i hate the damn thing but since i have no credit even though i can make my payments i'll have to buy the thing in papa's name and they aren't agreeing to anything other than a corrolla or a civic... damn....
i test drove a mustang a few weeks back... man oh man!.... i was in love as soon as i sat in the driver's seat.... she responded to my every touch with a purr.... i took it upto 60 with absolutely no problems and the brakes would just help me slow down as i touched em..... it was a thing of pure power and beauty.... the 2002 mustang SRS.... i could pay off the car.... no doubt about that.... but the insurance kills the whole deal.... i'd have to pay more for insurance per month than the car itself...... i felt my soul just crumple up and slide under and into my butt.... and trust me, that aint a good feeling....
now everybody here is all "anti-twodoor" and stuff..... and now..... they're all into me getting the mallu-mobile.... yes i am mallu..... i dont care... but do i really want to be one of the sheep?.... every mallu here has a camry or an accord.... and their kids have corrollas and civic respectively... i mean, what the hell?.... what ever happened to a person's sense of uniqueness.... i'd rather buy a hyundai man..... i hate the corrolla..... it is the every-car.... oh well....
i might end up with a corrolla anyway....
balls...
peacerespectempathy
what do i say?.... it's been a while, thats for sure.... how do i put it.... i've been riding the waves again.... yeah... the crests and the lows are back... what the heck is wrong with me?.... shit!....
yeah.... im losing the fight against the priests of dogma.... my defences are holding up but i have to let go.... im running out of supplies..... in the end i'll have to let the drawbridge down.... and then... then what?... do i become one of the generic clones of the million dravidian descented monkeys that walk these dirty plains?.... i can feel it happening... atleast i am not on the path of career-shit land... not yet anyway..... but even though i fought that away so far i have new battles to fight.... damn this.... my generals are giving up.... my head commander (the bastard!) just ran away to the enemy with my daughter in tow.....
i might have to get a frickin' corrolla... i know i hate the damn thing but since i have no credit even though i can make my payments i'll have to buy the thing in papa's name and they aren't agreeing to anything other than a corrolla or a civic... damn....
i test drove a mustang a few weeks back... man oh man!.... i was in love as soon as i sat in the driver's seat.... she responded to my every touch with a purr.... i took it upto 60 with absolutely no problems and the brakes would just help me slow down as i touched em..... it was a thing of pure power and beauty.... the 2002 mustang SRS.... i could pay off the car.... no doubt about that.... but the insurance kills the whole deal.... i'd have to pay more for insurance per month than the car itself...... i felt my soul just crumple up and slide under and into my butt.... and trust me, that aint a good feeling....
now everybody here is all "anti-twodoor" and stuff..... and now..... they're all into me getting the mallu-mobile.... yes i am mallu..... i dont care... but do i really want to be one of the sheep?.... every mallu here has a camry or an accord.... and their kids have corrollas and civic respectively... i mean, what the hell?.... what ever happened to a person's sense of uniqueness.... i'd rather buy a hyundai man..... i hate the corrolla..... it is the every-car.... oh well....
i might end up with a corrolla anyway....
balls...
peacerespectempathy
10.10.2005
"And no-one sings me lullabies..."
sound : Echoes - Pink Floyd
I have to get Pink Floyd's "Pulse" DVD that's coming out on december 5th.....
I must!....
must... have... pink... floyd....
peacerespectempathy
I have to get Pink Floyd's "Pulse" DVD that's coming out on december 5th.....
I must!....
must... have... pink... floyd....
peacerespectempathy
10.01.2005
"My Smile Is A Rifle"
sound : Carvel - john Frusciante
i sure am glad that john frusciante kicked his habit before californication... agreed that "niandra lades..." and "smile from the streets you hold" are true works of genius but, the truth be told.... you and i know tha if JF had continued along the path he was on back then we might not have had a chance to listen to aural works of art like "californication" and "by the way"... even his newer solo albums are awesome.... "shadows collide with people" - sheer beauty on plastic..... seriously.... it's a good thing he's still around... look at the picture.... this was a pic of him back in 1996 during one of the sickest portions of his addiction... he looked like a cross between edward scissorhands and jack white...
READ THIS!... it's really edifying...
now i'm gonna go to my room and play "under the bridge"...
peacerespectempathy
9.30.2005
9.27.2005
I Can't Stand This Certain Opiate Mind-fuck
I feel like I am happy,
my precious Novocaine...
Drag me out of my ass,
Undo the Peaceful Moron,
Yes, I am he,
I am the Peaceful Moron.
Numb me from this pain
My precious Novocaine.
My sweet, sweet Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
Wake me up,
My Novocaine.
Undo these dreams in my head,
Rewind them all so that I may be alive again.
Pluck the worm,
Pull out the worm or constancy out of my head.
Leave this little maggot-mind of mine to rot;
Maybe then I will finally be Alive.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
I know I talk for too long,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm bored of my own shadow,
Get lost! Stop following me around you parasite!
I eat banana peels for lunch.
Oh how devine, the taste of rat tails!
Where you gonna go?
What you gonna do?
Don't leave me here my Novocaine...
Lungs of men are just cement.
Melt my heart, make me human
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Behind all these masks
I want to live like the Every-person.
Make me the Human-monster that I want to be
My Sweet Novocaine.
I hate your dirty, dirty Monkey-fartedness;
Truth be told my eyes tear up at the sight of you.
But please, please, please,
Don't ever leave me
My sweet Novocaine.
My sweet Novocaine...
My sweet Novocaine...
My sweet Novocaine...
My sweet Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
peacerespectempathy
my precious Novocaine...
Drag me out of my ass,
Undo the Peaceful Moron,
Yes, I am he,
I am the Peaceful Moron.
Numb me from this pain
My precious Novocaine.
My sweet, sweet Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
Wake me up,
My Novocaine.
Undo these dreams in my head,
Rewind them all so that I may be alive again.
Pluck the worm,
Pull out the worm or constancy out of my head.
Leave this little maggot-mind of mine to rot;
Maybe then I will finally be Alive.
My Novocaine.
My Novocaine.
I know I talk for too long,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm bored of my own shadow,
Get lost! Stop following me around you parasite!
I eat banana peels for lunch.
Oh how devine, the taste of rat tails!
Where you gonna go?
What you gonna do?
Don't leave me here my Novocaine...
Lungs of men are just cement.
Melt my heart, make me human
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Numb my pain,
My sweet Novocaine.
Behind all these masks
I want to live like the Every-person.
Make me the Human-monster that I want to be
My Sweet Novocaine.
I hate your dirty, dirty Monkey-fartedness;
Truth be told my eyes tear up at the sight of you.
But please, please, please,
Don't ever leave me
My sweet Novocaine.
My sweet Novocaine...
My sweet Novocaine...
My sweet Novocaine...
My sweet Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
My Novocaine...
peacerespectempathy
9.18.2005
"Words about me and about a friend of mine" & "The Testicle-Ovary thing"
sound : I'm Finding It Harder to Be A Gentleman - The White Stripes
i have this tendancy to gravitate towards people with issues.... ok, issues is too harsh a word..... people with imperfections.... imperfections that make them human.... imperfections that define who they are without any overtly obvious actions by the persons themselves....
its been like this ever since i was a child... i first felt i had this "ability" when i was fresh in boarding school.... i was a new kid with no experience of being away from my family but there i was hearing stories from other kids who've been in boarding school their whole lives..... the thing is.... all i ever did was listen.... i didnt have to say anything smart (which i cant anyway) or anything... all anybody wanted me to do was listen.....
all my life i've been the "shoulder"..... you need to let loose, you come to me..... the thing is, i don't do this voluntarily.... it's just who i am i guess.... maybe that explains a lot of things; why i come back to this blog even though all i do is ramble on from deep in my pit of vanity..... maybe this is the reason that i have so many female friends and yet i struggle with women (you can partly blame that on my fear of responsibility too)... but hey... i guess that one of my "things".... i'm always going to be the "shoulder"....
i had a heart-to-heart with tuyet the other day.... she basically told me the story of her life... tuyet's always been cool with me at work and we started fooling around with the others by claiming that we're going to get married [refer to previous post].... yeah... tuyet's of vietnamese origin.... her dad died before she was born and her mom expired when she was three.... she learnt how to take care of herself by the time she was 5 and she learnt to cook by the time she was 6.... she lives out here (tampa, florida) with her foster family with whom she's lived for the past 10 years.... 9 and a half to be exact.... she still misses her little village in vietnam.... she told me that someday she will go back... she's got an elder brother who's married and with kids, a friend of hers married her uncle.... yeah... she thinks thats kinda funny too....
then she came to the "love of her life"... she's had a crush on this dude in vietnam since she was a kid.... like six or seven or something.... they've been friends forever... a few years earlier she asked him if she loved him and he said no.... she asked him if there ever will be a chance for him to change his mind and he said no.... she said that right now she's moving on (i seriously doubt that, i can tell... i know a lot of people like that)... then she told me that this dude had told one of her friends that he said no because he felt that with him being a poor vietnamese vilager and all, that he wouldn't be good enough for her and other such bullshit like that....
to all you ladies who are reading this (one... two... three... oh sorry, two...) trust me, we men have no idea what we're talking about half of the time.... when we say "no", we mean "yes"..... half of us (i guess) instintively try to lie our way out of any situation with even a little bit of responsibility on our side.... trust me, i know.... i'm one of them....
yeah.... back to the story... in the end she said to me "i don't care about that avi, i would love to move back to vietnam and get married and live with him and raise our kids till im old.... yes, i think oo much but dont you pity me... im serious, dont pity me!"... i don't pity her.... on the contrary, right now, i pity all of us men who side-step confrontation and responsibility... we are the scum of the world... we are the evil ones.... and for all the millions of guy's who've ever gon, "dude, i don't get women"- there's no hope... we are doomed.... DOOMED!!...
well... the human race is screwed anyway.... i guess when cloning is perfected us men will be wiped out one by one and gaia (mother earth) will be an amazonian paradise of peace, wisdom, love and lesbians (HELL YEAH!!)...
[sorry about that... i couldn't help myself, but i had to...]
but i guess that eventually, even in this "perfect" world, one day or the other.... maybe a few decades into "perfection" or so... the scientists will create and breed males just for entertainment.... men will just be sexual objects and will have no power in the oestrogen powered world of the day.... an ironic twist on the world of today but it is totally capable of happening... "rent-a-husband"... "rent-a-dude"... escort services will thrive due to the high demand of testicles.... at first it will be frowned upon though (even that might be untrue because in the all-female world the populace might not be as prejudiced as we, the human race, are right now) like how homosexuals and other "sexual-deviants" were treating even until a few years ago.... even today.... but eventually the "rent-a-man" thing will be big.... gigolos would soon reach the upper stratosphere of richness that the whole wheel might turn another 360 degrees and we'll end up where we started in the first place.... with the testicles in power over the ovaries....
its funny how that happened.... the testicles are on top right now but all of us really know who are in control right?... the ovaries!... theres no doubt about that....
Post Script
i was just thinking about a title for this thing that i just typed out so i thought to myself "why not?... with all the multi part movies and dual cd albums out right now, why cant this piece have two titles?..." hence the title.....
peacerespectempathy
i have this tendancy to gravitate towards people with issues.... ok, issues is too harsh a word..... people with imperfections.... imperfections that make them human.... imperfections that define who they are without any overtly obvious actions by the persons themselves....
its been like this ever since i was a child... i first felt i had this "ability" when i was fresh in boarding school.... i was a new kid with no experience of being away from my family but there i was hearing stories from other kids who've been in boarding school their whole lives..... the thing is.... all i ever did was listen.... i didnt have to say anything smart (which i cant anyway) or anything... all anybody wanted me to do was listen.....
all my life i've been the "shoulder"..... you need to let loose, you come to me..... the thing is, i don't do this voluntarily.... it's just who i am i guess.... maybe that explains a lot of things; why i come back to this blog even though all i do is ramble on from deep in my pit of vanity..... maybe this is the reason that i have so many female friends and yet i struggle with women (you can partly blame that on my fear of responsibility too)... but hey... i guess that one of my "things".... i'm always going to be the "shoulder"....
i had a heart-to-heart with tuyet the other day.... she basically told me the story of her life... tuyet's always been cool with me at work and we started fooling around with the others by claiming that we're going to get married [refer to previous post].... yeah... tuyet's of vietnamese origin.... her dad died before she was born and her mom expired when she was three.... she learnt how to take care of herself by the time she was 5 and she learnt to cook by the time she was 6.... she lives out here (tampa, florida) with her foster family with whom she's lived for the past 10 years.... 9 and a half to be exact.... she still misses her little village in vietnam.... she told me that someday she will go back... she's got an elder brother who's married and with kids, a friend of hers married her uncle.... yeah... she thinks thats kinda funny too....
then she came to the "love of her life"... she's had a crush on this dude in vietnam since she was a kid.... like six or seven or something.... they've been friends forever... a few years earlier she asked him if she loved him and he said no.... she asked him if there ever will be a chance for him to change his mind and he said no.... she said that right now she's moving on (i seriously doubt that, i can tell... i know a lot of people like that)... then she told me that this dude had told one of her friends that he said no because he felt that with him being a poor vietnamese vilager and all, that he wouldn't be good enough for her and other such bullshit like that....
to all you ladies who are reading this (one... two... three... oh sorry, two...) trust me, we men have no idea what we're talking about half of the time.... when we say "no", we mean "yes"..... half of us (i guess) instintively try to lie our way out of any situation with even a little bit of responsibility on our side.... trust me, i know.... i'm one of them....
yeah.... back to the story... in the end she said to me "i don't care about that avi, i would love to move back to vietnam and get married and live with him and raise our kids till im old.... yes, i think oo much but dont you pity me... im serious, dont pity me!"... i don't pity her.... on the contrary, right now, i pity all of us men who side-step confrontation and responsibility... we are the scum of the world... we are the evil ones.... and for all the millions of guy's who've ever gon, "dude, i don't get women"- there's no hope... we are doomed.... DOOMED!!...
well... the human race is screwed anyway.... i guess when cloning is perfected us men will be wiped out one by one and gaia (mother earth) will be an amazonian paradise of peace, wisdom, love and lesbians (HELL YEAH!!)...
[sorry about that... i couldn't help myself, but i had to...]
but i guess that eventually, even in this "perfect" world, one day or the other.... maybe a few decades into "perfection" or so... the scientists will create and breed males just for entertainment.... men will just be sexual objects and will have no power in the oestrogen powered world of the day.... an ironic twist on the world of today but it is totally capable of happening... "rent-a-husband"... "rent-a-dude"... escort services will thrive due to the high demand of testicles.... at first it will be frowned upon though (even that might be untrue because in the all-female world the populace might not be as prejudiced as we, the human race, are right now) like how homosexuals and other "sexual-deviants" were treating even until a few years ago.... even today.... but eventually the "rent-a-man" thing will be big.... gigolos would soon reach the upper stratosphere of richness that the whole wheel might turn another 360 degrees and we'll end up where we started in the first place.... with the testicles in power over the ovaries....
its funny how that happened.... the testicles are on top right now but all of us really know who are in control right?... the ovaries!... theres no doubt about that....
Post Script
i was just thinking about a title for this thing that i just typed out so i thought to myself "why not?... with all the multi part movies and dual cd albums out right now, why cant this piece have two titles?..." hence the title.....
peacerespectempathy
9.12.2005
Welly well well well well well my brothers and sisters...
sound : Faeries Wear Boots - Black Sabbath
"then one day i was riding along with the money man on the yellow-brick road when he told me that i am not real..."
yes my dear ladies and germs, i am back.... no no no no... im not dead... i was just kinda "busy", so to speak.... school... school is fine.... ive made a few friends.... quite a few of them actually.... yes my brothers and true friends, i am finally alive...
about school... i just take two classes.... sociology and psychology.... mondays and wednesdays.... nothing else... the rest of the week i'm at McD working.... there are these two people i've met at sociology who are nice... skye and linsey... skye has another class as soon as sociology gets over but linsey and i go to the library and either study or talk for like an hour or so.... today we were quizzing each other (there's a test on wednesday)... then comes psychology with herr landon..... heil heil.... the subject is (so far) as dry as a camels butt.... seriously... plus landon is basically a very, VERY boring guy... me jay and ari (jay being jason and ari being arianysis) sit together during psychology.... jay and ari know each other because they studied together in highschool... well... after class we sitb and talk together or i go and stay with my bride to-be tuyet (long story, im coming to that), tiff and krystal.... we usually talk for while til papa comes to pick me up (yes, yes, i'm pathetic... i dont have a car yet...)...
ok.... now onto my future bride... tuyet... tuyet's this vietnamese girl that i work with in McD... everybody there says me and tiffnie are an item because we walk home together whenever we can.... so tuyet and i come up with this scandalous plan to trick everybody into thinking that WE (that being tuyet and i) are an item.... yes my brothers and only friends, the evil part of me woke up that day.... we made up a big charade that we are an item.... and not just that.... we are getting married (!!!).... we go around calling each other "my love" and "mon amie" and other such corny names.... then we made an elaborate argument scene with tiffnie saying that i'm cheating on them and stuff.... the expressions on the manager's faces are hilarious when we do something stupid like this.... heh heh heh....
i watched clockwork orange yesterday.... i have nothing to say... seriously.... it is by far the most fucked up movie ever.... I LOVED IT!!!
yeah... ill check in later... i gotta find a car in the car mags ive bought.... plus ive got to study..... damn.... so for now, i say goodbye my brothers and only true friends....
peacerespectempathy
"then one day i was riding along with the money man on the yellow-brick road when he told me that i am not real..."
yes my dear ladies and germs, i am back.... no no no no... im not dead... i was just kinda "busy", so to speak.... school... school is fine.... ive made a few friends.... quite a few of them actually.... yes my brothers and true friends, i am finally alive...
about school... i just take two classes.... sociology and psychology.... mondays and wednesdays.... nothing else... the rest of the week i'm at McD working.... there are these two people i've met at sociology who are nice... skye and linsey... skye has another class as soon as sociology gets over but linsey and i go to the library and either study or talk for like an hour or so.... today we were quizzing each other (there's a test on wednesday)... then comes psychology with herr landon..... heil heil.... the subject is (so far) as dry as a camels butt.... seriously... plus landon is basically a very, VERY boring guy... me jay and ari (jay being jason and ari being arianysis) sit together during psychology.... jay and ari know each other because they studied together in highschool... well... after class we sitb and talk together or i go and stay with my bride to-be tuyet (long story, im coming to that), tiff and krystal.... we usually talk for while til papa comes to pick me up (yes, yes, i'm pathetic... i dont have a car yet...)...
ok.... now onto my future bride... tuyet... tuyet's this vietnamese girl that i work with in McD... everybody there says me and tiffnie are an item because we walk home together whenever we can.... so tuyet and i come up with this scandalous plan to trick everybody into thinking that WE (that being tuyet and i) are an item.... yes my brothers and only friends, the evil part of me woke up that day.... we made up a big charade that we are an item.... and not just that.... we are getting married (!!!).... we go around calling each other "my love" and "mon amie" and other such corny names.... then we made an elaborate argument scene with tiffnie saying that i'm cheating on them and stuff.... the expressions on the manager's faces are hilarious when we do something stupid like this.... heh heh heh....
i watched clockwork orange yesterday.... i have nothing to say... seriously.... it is by far the most fucked up movie ever.... I LOVED IT!!!
yeah... ill check in later... i gotta find a car in the car mags ive bought.... plus ive got to study..... damn.... so for now, i say goodbye my brothers and only true friends....
peacerespectempathy
8.30.2005
I'm an adult now.... or am I?....
sound : Babe I'm Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin
this is when the anvil comes down on you.. damn, it hits you on the head so damn fuckin' hard.... what do i do?.... i hardly ever felt this way as a kid all alone in boarding school but here.... it's incredible.... i don't know why.... it's really strange...
i spent yesterday in the usual funk i get into on the eve of every one of my birthdays after the age of 16.... yeah... i had the b'day blues going on.... and going strong too.... legally i'm an adult now.... what the fuck do you mean by that?.... i mean seriously.... out here i couldn't drink till today morning but i could have become a porno-star but to drink i had to wait till today.... balls....
the thing that's bugging me the most is that i don't have anybody around... agreed.... there's papa and mama and akshay and minto and thomas uncle and all but thats not the point..... i want t, arun, aj, neet and iklil here.... agreed i'd love to have all my friends from school (suren, jude, sury, amu, uday, dee, adang.... the list is endless) here but i aint asking for much.... just all of the guys from jeddah.... i miss you... even if i don't email you that often... i can't i just got my pc today and i havent got a connection yet.... so as soon as i do, i will... plus, i will call you... believe me.... soon...
back to aging anther year.... i hate growing.... older atleast... mentally growing i dont mind... but growing older (chronologically atleast) sucks bigtime... agreed that statement there makes no point whatsoever with the "yada-yada-sucks!" thing but thats exactly how i feel right now.... im growing older and im finally getting on with my so-far dead life.... im in college, i got a job which i don't mind, yeah, im finally better off than myself.... and i do mean that truly.... crazy....
oh well.... how do i feel now that im a yr older?.... i dunno... i didnt go out and get myself drunk to the point of turning comatose... not because i couldn't but because i dont want to... im still in my "searchng-for-myself" mode.... i have drank and been drunk, i have smoked and been fumigated, but i doubt its something i want to do right now.... not where i am right now... not where I am right now.... maybe someday i will start drinking and/or smoking and/or praying again, but thats because i'm human.... i will stumble and reach out for support eventually.... i am not superman.... maybe it isn't even stumbling and reaching for support... maybe the path of rightousness is to get drunk and smoke and pray like most other humans.... what exactly is the point of that random thought?.... i dont know.... maybe it will wake up the dead spirits that lie withing most of us... the spirits of Genius, Knowledge, Ambition, Pride and others just like them....
balls.... another ramble-piece about myself... im vain to the point of being repetitive and i forgive myself for being so.... yeah... fuck it... i am mine and i dont give a fuck anymore....
balls.....
peacerespectempathy
this is when the anvil comes down on you.. damn, it hits you on the head so damn fuckin' hard.... what do i do?.... i hardly ever felt this way as a kid all alone in boarding school but here.... it's incredible.... i don't know why.... it's really strange...
i spent yesterday in the usual funk i get into on the eve of every one of my birthdays after the age of 16.... yeah... i had the b'day blues going on.... and going strong too.... legally i'm an adult now.... what the fuck do you mean by that?.... i mean seriously.... out here i couldn't drink till today morning but i could have become a porno-star but to drink i had to wait till today.... balls....
the thing that's bugging me the most is that i don't have anybody around... agreed.... there's papa and mama and akshay and minto and thomas uncle and all but thats not the point..... i want t, arun, aj, neet and iklil here.... agreed i'd love to have all my friends from school (suren, jude, sury, amu, uday, dee, adang.... the list is endless) here but i aint asking for much.... just all of the guys from jeddah.... i miss you... even if i don't email you that often... i can't i just got my pc today and i havent got a connection yet.... so as soon as i do, i will... plus, i will call you... believe me.... soon...
back to aging anther year.... i hate growing.... older atleast... mentally growing i dont mind... but growing older (chronologically atleast) sucks bigtime... agreed that statement there makes no point whatsoever with the "yada-yada-sucks!" thing but thats exactly how i feel right now.... im growing older and im finally getting on with my so-far dead life.... im in college, i got a job which i don't mind, yeah, im finally better off than myself.... and i do mean that truly.... crazy....
oh well.... how do i feel now that im a yr older?.... i dunno... i didnt go out and get myself drunk to the point of turning comatose... not because i couldn't but because i dont want to... im still in my "searchng-for-myself" mode.... i have drank and been drunk, i have smoked and been fumigated, but i doubt its something i want to do right now.... not where i am right now... not where I am right now.... maybe someday i will start drinking and/or smoking and/or praying again, but thats because i'm human.... i will stumble and reach out for support eventually.... i am not superman.... maybe it isn't even stumbling and reaching for support... maybe the path of rightousness is to get drunk and smoke and pray like most other humans.... what exactly is the point of that random thought?.... i dont know.... maybe it will wake up the dead spirits that lie withing most of us... the spirits of Genius, Knowledge, Ambition, Pride and others just like them....
balls.... another ramble-piece about myself... im vain to the point of being repetitive and i forgive myself for being so.... yeah... fuck it... i am mine and i dont give a fuck anymore....
balls.....
peacerespectempathy
8.27.2005
"reaching out into the random"
sound : Friends - Led Zeppelin
jamie's started a new blog The Adventures Of Kundiman.... its been a while in the making so yeah... you go dude....
i have no time foe a real post but this is just so that the world knows im ok.... im alive and kicking so to speak.....
college started this week and it was all good.... ill post in more details later....
i leave now knowing i have contacted the world... now im just waiting for the universe to contact me....
peacerespectempathy
jamie's started a new blog The Adventures Of Kundiman.... its been a while in the making so yeah... you go dude....
i have no time foe a real post but this is just so that the world knows im ok.... im alive and kicking so to speak.....
college started this week and it was all good.... ill post in more details later....
i leave now knowing i have contacted the world... now im just waiting for the universe to contact me....
peacerespectempathy
8.20.2005
RANDOM ACCESS BULLSHIT
sound : My Doorbell - The White Stripes
"DO WE, DO WE KNOW.... WHEN WE FLY?"
these things are no different from you when you step down from you podium of ultimate holier than thou-ness.... balls to you... you cant fly.... evil bastard child of satanic snail.... bastardo..... stronzo.... ever heard of right brain dominance in a cockroach.... well you wont.... this is cos a cockroach has its brain in its back... spineless brain-backed bastards....
pluck the berry little monkey-child of the rainforest.... eat the berry little monkey-child of the rainforest.... DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE UGLY MONKEY-CHILD OF THE ALMOST DEPLETED FUCKIN' RAINFOREST!!!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
i've got a hand down the front of my pants trying oh so very hard for something i want but nooooooooooo... i end up with the ultimate sign of me-ness.... yes ladies and germs... i never get what i want......
is this confounded joy that i feel right now the death of my already waning creativity?.... or is Creativity already dead?!?!?!?!?!..... i miss Creativity....
"When you gonna ring it... When you gonna ring it..."
AUDIOSLAVE IS COMING TO TAMPA ON THE 17TH OF OCTOBER!!!
WOO HOO!!!
enough of this rabid, psychotic rambling... let me get a little serious with you folks.... im starting something new here.... well it aint new i guess.... i want all of you people who read my blog regularly and/or just stumble on here by some horrid mistake of your's to just leave a comment saying the most random stuff you can think of... lets just say its an exercise in randomness that beats every ounce of sense in your head... yes.... random nonsense.... that is the way of man... we are nonsensical hence the joy attained in our creation and in our coming into contact of nonsense...
as i said earlier... enough of my rambling... now it's your turn... as robert plant has said so rightly.... "Ramble On!"
"aljdsfh ouf9769airo 248yr9w 8yf wo 0uher 90724y9quh rf98 wq7tf9 w8 ayd98 ydp9....."
with that being said.... i bid you maggots, ladies and germs, adieu...
peacerespectempathy
"DO WE, DO WE KNOW.... WHEN WE FLY?"
these things are no different from you when you step down from you podium of ultimate holier than thou-ness.... balls to you... you cant fly.... evil bastard child of satanic snail.... bastardo..... stronzo.... ever heard of right brain dominance in a cockroach.... well you wont.... this is cos a cockroach has its brain in its back... spineless brain-backed bastards....
pluck the berry little monkey-child of the rainforest.... eat the berry little monkey-child of the rainforest.... DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE UGLY MONKEY-CHILD OF THE ALMOST DEPLETED FUCKIN' RAINFOREST!!!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
i've got a hand down the front of my pants trying oh so very hard for something i want but nooooooooooo... i end up with the ultimate sign of me-ness.... yes ladies and germs... i never get what i want......
is this confounded joy that i feel right now the death of my already waning creativity?.... or is Creativity already dead?!?!?!?!?!..... i miss Creativity....
now that i got through that in one piece, let me ponder on other things that i ponder on.... what exactly do i ponder on?.... hmm... my faculties of thought have been shut down thanks to the numbing sameness of a somewhat content life... like a few hours ago.... i ordered three cds from the BMG site with the wrong card... i typed in the card that was empty.... how fricking stupid is that?.... DAMN!....Dear Creativity,
I know that you usually are at your best when you are in the company of Depression and Uselessness... but hey... you're with me now (or should I say leaving me...) but anyway.... tell me dude... how's it been in heaven?.... tell me... do snickers bars and candy really grow on trees?... and do the rivers have soda flowing in them?... oh well, you know the drill... hit me back dude... seriously missing your influence....
yours in fear and loathing,
(a la HST)
The Scarred PhilosopherPS: my head just fell off my shoulder. - TSP
"When you gonna ring it... When you gonna ring it..."
AUDIOSLAVE IS COMING TO TAMPA ON THE 17TH OF OCTOBER!!!
WOO HOO!!!
enough of this rabid, psychotic rambling... let me get a little serious with you folks.... im starting something new here.... well it aint new i guess.... i want all of you people who read my blog regularly and/or just stumble on here by some horrid mistake of your's to just leave a comment saying the most random stuff you can think of... lets just say its an exercise in randomness that beats every ounce of sense in your head... yes.... random nonsense.... that is the way of man... we are nonsensical hence the joy attained in our creation and in our coming into contact of nonsense...
as i said earlier... enough of my rambling... now it's your turn... as robert plant has said so rightly.... "Ramble On!"
"aljdsfh ouf9769airo 248yr9w 8yf wo 0uher 90724y9quh rf98 wq7tf9 w8 ayd98 ydp9....."
with that being said.... i bid you maggots, ladies and germs, adieu...
peacerespectempathy
8.14.2005
of tiff, pigfuckers, wordsperm and braincondoms
sound : You're a Better Man than I - The Yardbirds
its true ladies and germs... the piguckers are taking over the world.... it always happens this way.... you go ahead and step up on the podium when the sky falls down on your head.... and in the deep lonliness that you find yourself in you grab hold of somebody....
i made a friend.... she is me in female form... seriously... her name is tiffnie.... she's crazy.... i met her at the mcdonald's where i work... she came in to try out for the job.... we got to talking and we walked home together (she lives close to my place)... later that day we walked around for like four hours just talking to each other and doing random stuff... she's really fun... we prank called her friend... he got pissed though..... we talk to each other all the time and when she had to go to mcdonald's to exchange her uniform because it was too big (she's tiny... just 5'1") she said she was hungry.... i just had an ice cream but she had two burgers and a dr peppers.... we sat by the pond in her lawn and spoke for hours.... later on we started teasing the fish and one of em (stupid bastard) tried to bite my hand a la Jaws... i mean it jumped out of the water with its mouth open and reached to within a hair's length from my finger.... we planned on watching "charlie and the chocolate factory" on friday but that didnt work out because i got busy...
oh yeah... thomas uncle's mother passed away.... he's gone to india and minto and i have to go stay at the store whenever we're free.... thats why i couldnt go to the movie....
oh yeah... me and tiff work together and we'll be going to HCC together once school starts....
run simba... run... as fast as you can... the pigfuckers are coming... we believe in one god, the farter almighty, creator of heaven, earth and malluland.....
well... i finally joined a library here... its a good one... right now i'm reading "mainlines, blood feasts and bad taste" by lester bangs and "fear and loathing in america" by hunter s thompson.... both of them are geniuses... truly....
balls to you mrs robinson, jesus hates you more than you could say
hey, hey, hey
its strange the amount you have to wait for eveything.... i say pink floyd's "dsotm" and "wish you were here" for $9.99 at circuit city... im gonna get em as soon as i get paid... i just bought a yardbirds' cd there for 7 bucks yesterday... woo hoo....
have you ever seen a monkey bray?... well, i have... its true that it's now a very pretty sight but it is very beautiful.... "RUN YOU BASTARDS... THE CAVALIER'S COMING... RUN!!! RUN!!!!"
maybe i'm just confused but i dont know what to type out... at moments of intense creativity i have loads of ideas swirling around in my head like a vile (funny how vile is an annagram of evil and they both more or less mean the same) pot of gooey wordsperm out of my phallic mind... yes, my mind is phallic... i thrust my thoughts to places that i shouldn't thrust at... hence i have prematurely ejaculated wordsperm when i shouldn't and when it comes to the real game... i'm stuck with a blank screen.... i need some brain viagra... energy boosters even....
censorship is the condom of the mind.....
but doesn't everybody say that you should use a condom to keep things safe... i dunno... influenced writing and muttawa creativity is not safe.... braincondoms lead to that... i prefer the risk of venereal disease infested writing over the clean cut herdknowledge found in the world....
we are buying a pc today... i'll post in the specs later... im at the library right now..... wordsperm, wordshit... it's all the same right now... i have no time to think out an elaborate entry on my life.... i'll leave you maggots now with some wise words out of tiff's mouth,
its true ladies and germs... the piguckers are taking over the world.... it always happens this way.... you go ahead and step up on the podium when the sky falls down on your head.... and in the deep lonliness that you find yourself in you grab hold of somebody....
i made a friend.... she is me in female form... seriously... her name is tiffnie.... she's crazy.... i met her at the mcdonald's where i work... she came in to try out for the job.... we got to talking and we walked home together (she lives close to my place)... later that day we walked around for like four hours just talking to each other and doing random stuff... she's really fun... we prank called her friend... he got pissed though..... we talk to each other all the time and when she had to go to mcdonald's to exchange her uniform because it was too big (she's tiny... just 5'1") she said she was hungry.... i just had an ice cream but she had two burgers and a dr peppers.... we sat by the pond in her lawn and spoke for hours.... later on we started teasing the fish and one of em (stupid bastard) tried to bite my hand a la Jaws... i mean it jumped out of the water with its mouth open and reached to within a hair's length from my finger.... we planned on watching "charlie and the chocolate factory" on friday but that didnt work out because i got busy...
oh yeah... thomas uncle's mother passed away.... he's gone to india and minto and i have to go stay at the store whenever we're free.... thats why i couldnt go to the movie....
oh yeah... me and tiff work together and we'll be going to HCC together once school starts....
run simba... run... as fast as you can... the pigfuckers are coming... we believe in one god, the farter almighty, creator of heaven, earth and malluland.....
well... i finally joined a library here... its a good one... right now i'm reading "mainlines, blood feasts and bad taste" by lester bangs and "fear and loathing in america" by hunter s thompson.... both of them are geniuses... truly....
balls to you mrs robinson, jesus hates you more than you could say
hey, hey, hey
its strange the amount you have to wait for eveything.... i say pink floyd's "dsotm" and "wish you were here" for $9.99 at circuit city... im gonna get em as soon as i get paid... i just bought a yardbirds' cd there for 7 bucks yesterday... woo hoo....
have you ever seen a monkey bray?... well, i have... its true that it's now a very pretty sight but it is very beautiful.... "RUN YOU BASTARDS... THE CAVALIER'S COMING... RUN!!! RUN!!!!"
maybe i'm just confused but i dont know what to type out... at moments of intense creativity i have loads of ideas swirling around in my head like a vile (funny how vile is an annagram of evil and they both more or less mean the same) pot of gooey wordsperm out of my phallic mind... yes, my mind is phallic... i thrust my thoughts to places that i shouldn't thrust at... hence i have prematurely ejaculated wordsperm when i shouldn't and when it comes to the real game... i'm stuck with a blank screen.... i need some brain viagra... energy boosters even....
censorship is the condom of the mind.....
but doesn't everybody say that you should use a condom to keep things safe... i dunno... influenced writing and muttawa creativity is not safe.... braincondoms lead to that... i prefer the risk of venereal disease infested writing over the clean cut herdknowledge found in the world....
we are buying a pc today... i'll post in the specs later... im at the library right now..... wordsperm, wordshit... it's all the same right now... i have no time to think out an elaborate entry on my life.... i'll leave you maggots now with some wise words out of tiff's mouth,
"i fart in your general direction!"
peacerespectempathy
peacerespectempathy
8.07.2005
huh?...
sound : Castles Made of Sand - Jimi Hendrix
minto and i went out and played pool last night... it was ok... it was with some people from his church... the bartender kinda looked at me like i was some sad shmuck when i asked for a coke... heh heh heh....its ok though... the music there was good...
oh yeah... to all my friends... happy friendship day... blah blah... yada yada....
peacerespectempathy
minto and i went out and played pool last night... it was ok... it was with some people from his church... the bartender kinda looked at me like i was some sad shmuck when i asked for a coke... heh heh heh....its ok though... the music there was good...
oh yeah... to all my friends... happy friendship day... blah blah... yada yada....
peacerespectempathy
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