sound : Babe I'm Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin
this is when the anvil comes down on you.. damn, it hits you on the head so damn fuckin' hard.... what do i do?.... i hardly ever felt this way as a kid all alone in boarding school but here.... it's incredible.... i don't know why.... it's really strange...
i spent yesterday in the usual funk i get into on the eve of every one of my birthdays after the age of 16.... yeah... i had the b'day blues going on.... and going strong too.... legally i'm an adult now.... what the fuck do you mean by that?.... i mean seriously.... out here i couldn't drink till today morning but i could have become a porno-star but to drink i had to wait till today.... balls....
the thing that's bugging me the most is that i don't have anybody around... agreed.... there's papa and mama and akshay and minto and thomas uncle and all but thats not the point..... i want t, arun, aj, neet and iklil here.... agreed i'd love to have all my friends from school (suren, jude, sury, amu, uday, dee, adang.... the list is endless) here but i aint asking for much.... just all of the guys from jeddah.... i miss you... even if i don't email you that often... i can't i just got my pc today and i havent got a connection yet.... so as soon as i do, i will... plus, i will call you... believe me.... soon...
back to aging anther year.... i hate growing.... older atleast... mentally growing i dont mind... but growing older (chronologically atleast) sucks bigtime... agreed that statement there makes no point whatsoever with the "yada-yada-sucks!" thing but thats exactly how i feel right now.... im growing older and im finally getting on with my so-far dead life.... im in college, i got a job which i don't mind, yeah, im finally better off than myself.... and i do mean that truly.... crazy....
oh well.... how do i feel now that im a yr older?.... i dunno... i didnt go out and get myself drunk to the point of turning comatose... not because i couldn't but because i dont want to... im still in my "searchng-for-myself" mode.... i have drank and been drunk, i have smoked and been fumigated, but i doubt its something i want to do right now.... not where i am right now... not where I am right now.... maybe someday i will start drinking and/or smoking and/or praying again, but thats because i'm human.... i will stumble and reach out for support eventually.... i am not superman.... maybe it isn't even stumbling and reaching for support... maybe the path of rightousness is to get drunk and smoke and pray like most other humans.... what exactly is the point of that random thought?.... i dont know.... maybe it will wake up the dead spirits that lie withing most of us... the spirits of Genius, Knowledge, Ambition, Pride and others just like them....
balls.... another ramble-piece about myself... im vain to the point of being repetitive and i forgive myself for being so.... yeah... fuck it... i am mine and i dont give a fuck anymore....
balls.....
peacerespectempathy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment