i hate it... i have so much running through my head nowadays its incredible..... a few days back arun told me to wake up... yes, monkeys and fellow pachyderms.... i was asleep... mentally asleep..... my brain has not functioned in a while now..... i feel this horrid weight, the weight of ignorance on my back... damn you... damn you!
so i have woken my brain up... and in the process i have opened this pandora's box full of monsters and beasties.... yes, my fellow assholes.... i have created a monster out of my mind.... i seek beauty now.... i always had but now anything i sense as being ugly, i loathe.... yes... ugliness be-eth my enemy.... by beautiful i dont mean pretty.... no, no, no, no, no.... by beautiful i mean.... i dunno what i mean..... last night i was talking to surya about beauty and she said, "avi, you are arty."... for a moment i thought she had just called me wierd in a strange twisted way... but then i smiled, all by myself at midnight i was smiling while typing messages to a girl who lives twelve timezones away from me..... yes.... i became remotely happy then when she said that i wasn't wierd.... i am not wierd.... im just the innovator as i've learnt in sociology.... i deny myself the means but crave for the goals....
crave..... yes, i crave.... i crave more than most.... i crave endlessly.... i have cravings for so many things that i switched my brain off for a while because of my failures in accumilating all of my cravings.... (thank you arun).... yes, i am awake now..... yes, i still crave.... but that doesn't mean i have to shut down all my faculties of abstract thought just so that i may live in my self-formed shadow of bleak, self-induced madness....
madness... i fell this madness of mine coming over me.... i don't know... i spend most of my outside time jokingly flirting with each and every feminine entity that i meet... why do i do that?... what is with this madness of mine?..... i guess it's just my way of proving to myself that i am not an ugly lout with no hopes of ever having a non-platonic relationship with any of the non-penile/boob folk..... amongst us penile-folk...we are very, ver insecure.... not many people realize that.... oh well.... we are the mis-understood, testicled beings.... lord have mercy on our souls.....
tuyet was stabbed a few days back and i have been pulling an atlas with her soul for the past two days..... as usual... boy/girl meets girl/boy.... they start to like eeach other and...
KA-BLAAAAM!
boy/girl gets heartbroken.... what is with this thing called love anyway?.... why does most people who fall in love tend to look like road-kill at the end of the cycle????
oh well.... i guess i shall muscle on through my own dark corridoors of false madnesses and lengthy monologues of the soul(-less).... i shall crave and lust... greed and torture... i shall hurt and kill.... why does the universe even agree to let me be as i am.... i am just cosmic-faeces waiting to be ejected out of this damn plane....
i have got to find some way to release these monsters from inside of my head.... i can't do this anymore..... for now my dear boys and girls.... i bid you a bummed out "adios!"....
GOOD GOD MAN! i hate the damn corrolla....
peacerespectempathy
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