1.02.2005

Mommy, can I keep it?

sound : Mick Jagger - Old Habits Die Hard

the whole day's been good... i cant stop smiling... i seriously feel like a kid again... not bad huh?... 2005... (knocks on table) so far so good... the interview and stuff... wow... im fuckin speechless....

but theres so much to do (yeah, yeah, i know i'm a whiney ass)... i gotta finish my GRE ASAP... then my SATs too... (wow there were a lot of abbreviations back there!)... i've got so much to do... i'm real happy and stuff... but kinda scared too... wonder if i'll continue whining and bitching about stuff when i finally get the stuff i want.... i guess i will... bitching is in my nature.... im a natural born whiner... there's no stopping the whiner in me... wonder when i'll see any of the folks out here?... will i ever meet them again?... will it be like most of my friends from school?... will all comunications just seize to exist?.... agreed i'm still in touch with some of the guys from school, but will i meet these folks again.... will we ever get to be all together again... will there ever be another new year's eve's eve party of this caliber again?... i will miss them... all of em... some i've loved since they were kids... some i sorta understood recently... mostly their all i had here... im goin through the same motions that arun went through...

to all of you... i love you all... from the bottom of my heart.... truly.... you guys were my pillar.... you guys... i have no words dudes.... arun, aj, t, neet, akhil, lini, joel.... big hearts to you guys... i'm getting all emotional here...

i will miss you guys....

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there is always a price to pay right?... for every good, the equal amount of bad that exists to equalize the karmic debt.... well, it's true... all this joy about our interview and stuff.... its all good... every bit of it.... but.... i have to cut my hair!....
I HAVE TO CUT MY HAIR!!!
i cant believe it!... its not about the folks at the interview or anything... not at all... it's my folks.... i've ranted about this earlier.... they claim they cant go to india with me if i have long hair... it seems its too shameful for them to be seen with me with long hair.... just because im not a genius means i gotta have short hair... why stop there... i could cut my hair real short with patches and stuff and claim to be rainman right?... definitely shouldn't have long hair... most definitely cut mut my hair.... dont get me wrong... if it were for the interview and stuff it was ok... i wouldn't mind.... but claiming that it was too disgraceful for them to be seen with me with long hair... now thats way below the belt.... they have no idea how hurt i am by that.... fuck!... all i do is smile and act happy and these people tell me that they are ashamed of me... helloo!... what happened to parental support and all that crap.... i have to do it too... man i hate myself... i say anything now and it'll unleash all the fury of an emotional tsunami.....
i'm gettin it cut on the 7th... the day after the program...
7th jan - the day avinash cuts his hair.....
aww man....
the thing is... i'm attached.... really attached to my hair... agreed it'll grow back and stuff... but hey, 2 years of natural growth.... it's the perfect length right now... just below the shoulder and stuff... its the perfect length, the perfect color and the perfect texture.... if i cut it.... man, i'll lose it all... but i guess i'll do it....
i think i have no karmic debt.... i guess i've payed my dues....
good - my interview is set, everyone got together again,
bad - i may never see everyone together again, i have to cut my hair, i havent got my guitar
aww man...

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An open letter to God-dude about my hair
dear god-dude,
please don't take my hair away from me... please?.... you've have kept me fat... kept me broke... kept me single... and kept me in hell for way too long... i havent got anything i've ever wanted... i dont have my guitar and i haven't gotten laid.... please?.... please let me keep my hair..... i know you do this to mock me... come on... have a heart... please?...
PRE - avi

peacerespectempathy

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