This is an awesome book of lyrical interpretations of TOOL songs by Steven Caddy.
[ Vanilla Circus ]
1.31.2005
Trent Reznor, Maynard James Keenan
Project: Tapeworm
Status: For more than four years, reports have circulated about this legendary hookup between Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor and Tool/ A Perfect Circle singer Maynard James Keenan. Fans got a sneak preview of one song when APC performed "Vacant" at a 1999 concert, a move that reportedly irritated the notoriously secretive Reznor. At different points, Tapeworm also featured NIN guitarist Danny Lohner, 12 Rounds bassist/drummer Atticus Ross and former NIN keyboardist Charles Clouser. The group had reportedly booked time in Atlanta's Southern Tracks Studios to record the album in August of 2002, but a spokesperson for Reznor said recently that the band is "not a functioning project," and the music is not likely to be released.
[ source: MTV News ]
Status: For more than four years, reports have circulated about this legendary hookup between Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor and Tool/ A Perfect Circle singer Maynard James Keenan. Fans got a sneak preview of one song when APC performed "Vacant" at a 1999 concert, a move that reportedly irritated the notoriously secretive Reznor. At different points, Tapeworm also featured NIN guitarist Danny Lohner, 12 Rounds bassist/drummer Atticus Ross and former NIN keyboardist Charles Clouser. The group had reportedly booked time in Atlanta's Southern Tracks Studios to record the album in August of 2002, but a spokesperson for Reznor said recently that the band is "not a functioning project," and the music is not likely to be released.
[ source: MTV News ]
1.30.2005
Siddhartha | Part One| The Brahmin's Son
Siddhartha had begun to feel the seeds of discontent within him. He had begun to feel that the love of his father and mother, and also the love of his friend Govinda, would not always make him happy, give him peace, satisfy and suffice him. He had begun to suspect that his worthy father and his other teachers, the wise Brahmins, had already passed on to him the bulk and best of their wisdom, that they had already poured the sum total of their knowledge into his waiting vessel; and the vessel was not full, his intellect was not satisfied, his soul was not at peace, his heart was not still. The ablutions were good, but they were water; they did not wash sins away, they did not relieve the distressed heart. The sacrifices and the supplication of the gods were excellent - but were they everything? Did the sacrifices give happiness? And what about the gods? Was it really Prajapati who had created the world? Was it not Atman, He alone, who had created it? Were not the gods forms created like me and you, mortal, transient?Was it therefore good and right, was it a sensible and worthy act to offer sacrifices to the gods? To whom else should one offer sacrifices, to whom else should one pay honor, but to Him, Atman, the Only One? And where was Atman to be found, where did He dwell, where did His eternal heart beat, if not within the Self, in the innermost, in the eternal which each person carried within him? But where was this Self, this innermost? It was not flesh and bone, it was not thought or consciousness. That was what the wise men taught. Where, then, was it? To press towards the Self, towards Atman - was there another way that was worth seeking? Nobody showed the way, nobody knew it - neither his father, nor the teachers and wise men, nor the holy songs. The Brahmins and their holy books knew everything, everything; they had gone into everything - the creation of the world, the origin of speech, food, inhalation, exhalation, the arrangement of the senses, the acts of the gods. They knew a tremendous number of things - but was it worthwhile knowing all these things if they did not know the one important thing, the only important thing?
[Excerpt taken from the book "Sidhartha" by Herman Hesse, translated by Hilda Rosner]
1.27.2005
Creep
- Radiohead
When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in your eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
So fucking special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice,
When I'm not around
You're so very special,
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
Oh...Oh...
She's running out again...
She's running
She's run, run, run
Run....
Run....
Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here...
1.26.2005
"I just thought myself into a corner."
sound : Hoochie Coochie Man - Eric Clapton
its been a really eventful few days... everything's happening so fast its all a blur... numero uno on the list of happenings is that
i'll post some pics from the trip later on....
sanzi's first birthday party was the day before yesterday... it was good... i cant believe how fast time flows... it seems like just yesterday that i find out bina nt gave birth... one whole year... wow!....
birthday greets (i know some of them are kinda late)
17th jan:
its been a really eventful few days... everything's happening so fast its all a blur... numero uno on the list of happenings is that
I GOT MY VISA!!!
yeah... thats been the best(est) piece of news ive had in a looooooooong time... yeah... im flying high on that one... like WHOOOSH!!!.... hell yeah!.... the trip to riyadh was awesome... we stayed at siby unc's place (AMEN)... his kid was as annoying as hell... jesus wins.... heh heh heh.... bought myself a DVD... imagine... i got it for 30 bucks... usually a dvd costs something like 75-100 bucks... for 30 bucks... it was a steal... Pink Floyd Live At Pompeii: The Directors Cut.... the journey was good... we stayed with kadeer unc at taif... ate at this really cool lebanese restaraunt... romana.... the food was awesome... their Mushakkil Salattha (mixed salad) was awesome.... i can gladly say that the food from romana wa the best lebanese food ive ever eaten....
i'll post some pics from the trip later on....
sanzi's first birthday party was the day before yesterday... it was good... i cant believe how fast time flows... it seems like just yesterday that i find out bina nt gave birth... one whole year... wow!....
birthday greets (i know some of them are kinda late)
17th jan:
- tina
- nandu
19th jan:
- chachen
- suren
- dina
24th jan:
- lakshmi
- sanzi
those were a lot of people huh?... well... called t on her b'day... crap!... i just realized... i havent wished suren yet!!... holy shit! how stupid am i?... even after surya reminded me!!!... CRAP!!!
neet called up today... she sounded all happy... had her first smoke and she didnt like it... made me feel like crap about myself though... i promised her, t and arun that i'd call them but ive been too lazy to do so... how bad am i?... i dont even keep my promises anymore...but the truth is... i hate telephones... makes me feel wierd to talk into a microphone... even when i was little... ive hated phone conversations (unless im the listener) and ive always hated speaking into answering machines.... answering machines are just another way for the government to record our voices to study our mannerisms and speech patterns to falsely accuse us of doing the things that we havent done... the bastards!....
i cant believe it... i dont blog for more than a week and when i sit myself own to type something... BLANK!... i have nothing... i was expecting so much yet i have nothing to type about...
there's this blog ive been reading non-stop... i cant help it... its so sad, yet so beautiful... its the story of this woman's childhood... she wants to get it published... trust me... this is worth publishing....
--No One's Child--
then theres this other interesting blog... its sorta like mine in many ways... very non-directional... heh heh heh....
--Cliché Monster--
will pen in (how outdated is that phrase?) more when i get inspired...
i want inspiration....
can you inspire me?...
peacerespectempathy
1.22.2005
Amma
sound : With Or Without You - U2
i remember my grandmother... i know that doesnt sound like much but the thing is that she died when i was four.... i remember her clearly....
i used to call her amma...
i remember that she used to always keep a couple of packs of fruity and 'appy for me in the little refridgerator that was in her hospital room.... i remember that she had the same eyes as mama.... come to think of it... mama's starting to look just like her....
i remember that she had to do this sunlight therapy or something... she used to use these colored plastic sheets that were kept in cardboard frames to direct sunlight onto parts of her body... she used to give those things to me after she used them and i used to throw them around like multi colored frisbees...
she died of a kidney failure.... i was four and i was the only grandchild that she had seen on this realm... my first cousin was born 3 years later... its funny... i still feel attached to her.... maybe its because i knew i was her favorite...
i was her only grandchild...
i was her favorite...
peacerespectempathy
i remember my grandmother... i know that doesnt sound like much but the thing is that she died when i was four.... i remember her clearly....
i used to call her amma...
i remember that she used to always keep a couple of packs of fruity and 'appy for me in the little refridgerator that was in her hospital room.... i remember that she had the same eyes as mama.... come to think of it... mama's starting to look just like her....
i remember that she had to do this sunlight therapy or something... she used to use these colored plastic sheets that were kept in cardboard frames to direct sunlight onto parts of her body... she used to give those things to me after she used them and i used to throw them around like multi colored frisbees...
she died of a kidney failure.... i was four and i was the only grandchild that she had seen on this realm... my first cousin was born 3 years later... its funny... i still feel attached to her.... maybe its because i knew i was her favorite...
i was her only grandchild...
i was her favorite...
peacerespectempathy
1.17.2005
ladies and germs
sound : Slow Hands - Interpol
we leave for riyadh by car today.... got some tapes and books ready for the long journey... our interview is on the 19th....
wish me luck....
peacerespectempathy
we leave for riyadh by car today.... got some tapes and books ready for the long journey... our interview is on the 19th....
wish me luck....
peacerespectempathy
1.13.2005
Monkey Pics
sound : Pink Floyd - Money
the mind of the lonesome works in mysterious ways (kinda like god-dude's huh?).... more changes up ahead.... im planning on a new project.... Monkey Pics... a sort of photo group blog thingy... ive sent invites out to everybody but i doubt anybody is going to accept.... im the only jobless one amongst us so i guess im gonna be handling Monkey Pics on my own... i guess all im going to do is post pics there... not planning on writing much... maybe just captions and stuff... basically its just a place to chronicle our worthless existances in pictoral form... click on the link to go to Monkey Pics.... or click here
im also thinking of updating my links... i dont read some of the blogs there cos they've either turned boring and/or they do not update anymore.... plus there are other blogs i read and its too damn hard for me to find them in my unsorted favorites list in IE... so i guess it'll be easier if i put them up in the blog so that i can click on a link and be there fast and not waste any of my precious time searching through my very large and very unsorted favorites list...
on a more random note.... i can't seem to be able to control my hair anymore.... i guess it's revolting against me or something.... i gotta find the gandhian strand of hair who's organising this civil disobedience thing on my head... its like the hair knows that i want it to not go where it goes.... i know i did an evil deed when i cut it but i couldnt help it... i had to do it... i know what i'll do... i'll ask my hair to obey me... plus i'll see if there are any terms or conditions that i'll have to agree to before they listen and agree to those too....
hmmm.....
the mind of the lonesome works in mysterious ways (kinda like god-dude's huh?).... more changes up ahead.... im planning on a new project.... Monkey Pics... a sort of photo group blog thingy... ive sent invites out to everybody but i doubt anybody is going to accept.... im the only jobless one amongst us so i guess im gonna be handling Monkey Pics on my own... i guess all im going to do is post pics there... not planning on writing much... maybe just captions and stuff... basically its just a place to chronicle our worthless existances in pictoral form... click on the link to go to Monkey Pics.... or click here
im also thinking of updating my links... i dont read some of the blogs there cos they've either turned boring and/or they do not update anymore.... plus there are other blogs i read and its too damn hard for me to find them in my unsorted favorites list in IE... so i guess it'll be easier if i put them up in the blog so that i can click on a link and be there fast and not waste any of my precious time searching through my very large and very unsorted favorites list...
on a more random note.... i can't seem to be able to control my hair anymore.... i guess it's revolting against me or something.... i gotta find the gandhian strand of hair who's organising this civil disobedience thing on my head... its like the hair knows that i want it to not go where it goes.... i know i did an evil deed when i cut it but i couldnt help it... i had to do it... i know what i'll do... i'll ask my hair to obey me... plus i'll see if there are any terms or conditions that i'll have to agree to before they listen and agree to those too....
hmmm.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
dear gandhian hairs on my head,
i know you're really pissed off by my cutting you guys... i know you guys feel it to be a big (pardon the pun) conspiracy or something, but seriously guys, you know me.... you've been with me since i was born.... have i ever done anything to hurt you?... agreed the years i spent as a kid when i used to spike you up with super strong gel might have hurt you a bit... but come on, all i wanted to do was make you look cool...
i love you guys... all you've ever given me was good looks and stuff... i never wanted to cut you... i swear... its all because of kerala.... (oooh kerala... someday.... one day......).... i like you... you guys havent deserted me yet, you guys are an awesome shade of dirty brown, you guys are curly.... see i really like you.... but if you guys continue doing this i'll have to resort to very strict measures... like today, i went to the store and got myself a can of wet look gel... see.... wet look... i didnt get super strong cos i felt sorry for you... i like you... im a nice guy... i know its all the trauma of being cut short and stuff... if you cooperate i wont use the gel... except maybe for a few special days... otherwise no chemicals... nada....
hoping you guys will cooperate....
thanks....
the guy you grow from,The Scarred Philosopher
1.11.2005
I feel like a monkey!
sound : John Lennon - Jealous Guy
2005... the big O-5... we're finally here
agreed 2002 wasnt all too great, 2003 just plain sucked... but hell... 2004 was by far, the worst year i've had... EVER... i wouldnt want anybody to have go through the rollercoaster that was 2004... agreed there was the good stuff but the shit really outweighed the good stuff... i took a serious beating in 2004... physically and mentally... after goin through that there's almost nothing left of me (mentally).... its like my brain got squished under a steamroller... my self confidence is at its lowest... my ego... what ego?.. i dont have an ego anymore... i lack self respect... and im horny as hell...
i have become the lowest form of man...
but 2005.... '05... im gonna grab the year by the balls and straighten my life out... hell yeah!... im gonna ace my SATs and GRE... ill become super-avi... anybody in my way... im sorry man... im gonna kick your ass...
GOALS FOR THE YEAR:
2005... the big O-5... we're finally here
agreed 2002 wasnt all too great, 2003 just plain sucked... but hell... 2004 was by far, the worst year i've had... EVER... i wouldnt want anybody to have go through the rollercoaster that was 2004... agreed there was the good stuff but the shit really outweighed the good stuff... i took a serious beating in 2004... physically and mentally... after goin through that there's almost nothing left of me (mentally).... its like my brain got squished under a steamroller... my self confidence is at its lowest... my ego... what ego?.. i dont have an ego anymore... i lack self respect... and im horny as hell...
i have become the lowest form of man...
but 2005.... '05... im gonna grab the year by the balls and straighten my life out... hell yeah!... im gonna ace my SATs and GRE... ill become super-avi... anybody in my way... im sorry man... im gonna kick your ass...
GOALS FOR THE YEAR:
- kick SAT and GRE butt!
- join a good art school and hopefully find some way to work and pay my own tuitions...
- learn to drive
- get myself a strat
- get laid
- buy the led zeppelin complete recordings box set
- improve on scales and soloing
- lose weight (i say this every year)
- get myself a 60 gig iPOD
- did i mention getting laid?...
yes folks, i am feeling positively positive today... albeit a little lonely, but positive nonetheless... went for my medical exam... the typical stuff... chest x-ray, blood test and a stool test... [making like Mr. T]
apple unveiled its $99 iPOd... perfect for poor folk like me...
oh yeah... i havent mentioned this here yet.... i cut my hair....
i had a haircut... right now i look like a fuckin egyptian (no disrespect to all you egyptians out there but i prefer to look like me and not like you... you know... its the whole individuality thing).... i go to this lebanese salon... the guy who cut my hair was a very gay looking lebanese guy who didnt know a word of english.... luckily i had arun with me... i gave arun my instructions in english... he spoke to the bengali cleaner guy in hindi and the bengali cleaner guy in turn conveyed the message to the guy who was cutting my hair in broken arabic.... it was fuckin hilarious... it was like a bad game of chinese whispers or something.... i get a haircut, a shave and a facial... i go home and mama's like "you dope, you've got a mullet!"... OH MY GOD!!! i spend most of my waking hours making fun of religion and politics and soap operas and mullets and (god-dude forbid) i had just gotten a mullet!....
so the next day mama grabs a scissor and does her magic on my head... from now on she's gonna be my personal hairdresser... beats the salons... you dont have to wait, you dont have to pay and she understands what im saying... now thats a sweet deal if you ask me... plus mama can cut hair cos she was the one who used to cut my hair till i was 10.... right now my hair's ok but i prefer my long hair.... but since there's nothing i can do about it i guess i'll learn to like my new do...
hey!... looking back on what i'd just typed, im not all too negative... not negative at all... hey... i can even say (in all honesty) that this post was positive... WOW!! more power to you positivity....
peacerespectempathy
Post Script
hey neet, arun... you guys said i should be more positive.... how's this for a start huh?...
1.09.2005
Bring Me The Disco King (Lohner Mix)
- David Bowie ft. Maynard James Keenan, John Frusciante,
Milla Jovovich and Danny Lohner
You promised me the ending would be clear
You'd let me know when the time was now
Don't let me know when you're opening the door
Stab me in the dark, let me disappear
Memories that flutter like bats out of hell
Stab you from the city spires
Life wasn't worth the balance
Or the crumpled paper it was written on
Don't let me know we're invisible
Don't let me know we're invisible
Hot cash days that you trailed around
Cold cold nights under chrome and glass
Led me downriver of perfumed limbs
Sent me to the streets with the good time girls
Don't let me know we're invisible
Don't let me know we're invisible
We could dance, dance, dance thru' the fire
Dance, dance, dance thru' the fire
Feed me no lies
I don't know about you, I don't know about you
Breathe through the years
I don't know about you, I don't know about you
Bring me the disco king
I don't know about you, I don't know about you
Dead or alive, feed me no lies
Bring me the disco king, bring me the disco king
Bring me the disco king, bring me the head of the disco king
Spin-offs with those who slept like corpses
Damp morning rays in the stiff bad clubs
Killing time in the '70s
Smelling of love through the moist winds
Don't let me know when you're opening the door
Close me in the dark, let me disappear
Soon there'll be nothing left of me
Nothing left to release
Dance, dance, dance thru' the fire
Dance, dance, dance thru' the fire
Tell me no lies
I don't know about you, I don't know about you
Breathe through the years
I don't know about you, I don't know about you
Bring me the disco king
I don't know about you, I don't know about you
Breathe through the years
Dead or alive
Bring me the disco king, bring me the disco king
Bring me the disco king, bring me the disco king
Bring me the disco king, bring me the disco king
Bring me the disco king, bring me the disco king
1.08.2005
I Heart You
sound : The Cure - Alt. End
we've been through a lot more than most people... mw'll all meet again... trust me about that... i'm sure of it... maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but we will meet... the universe will do this for us....
all the good time's we've had... all the fun... all the fights... people, i'm overwhelmed... i can't help but break out crying... arun said it bes, "Its the end of an era."...
tina, you were the baby sister i never had... you were the one i used to protect as a kid... you were the only person whom i even bothered to look after even when i was in my craziest stages... i remember you staying over at our place atleast twice a week just so that you could be with us... i love you kid.... truly... i love you... you were my compass at all my moments of confusion... you are the only one who can stay so god-damned steady at all times... i will miss you...
arun, you were the twin i never had... you always were the biggest around... you've been around since eternity and i know you will be there... you were always there when i was in shit... without you i would've killed myself a long time back... trust me dude... thats the highest praise i can give... you saved me from myself... thank you... thank you... thank you... you've always pointed me in the right direction... you were the one who saw me for who i am and helped me better myself... a friend like you is hard to come by... dude, i love you...
neetu, you were always right about me... you really knew me way before i knew you one bit... you knew that all my childishness was just my way of sidetracking all commitment in my life... if i've ever hurt you before, im sorry... for trying to steal your easter gift, im sorry... for me being mean to you, as a child or even now, im sorry... i know i was a moron as a kid but you bore all that i had to offer... you are one strong girl... thank you... i love you kid... you helped me find me... thank you... you were the one who showed me that i have something good in me... thank you... you bared your soul to me, that in itself showed me your level of trust... thank you kid... i love you... a lot...
the rest of you guys... i will say goodbye later... we do not part ways now... but trust me... you guys are equally important...
i really dont want you guys to leave... i will miss you all....
I LOVE YOU ALL!!
why the fuck are goodbyes so damn painful?
why do we have to go through this?... why cant life just stay as it was?.. fuck this... words aint doing this any justice...
i love you guys...
we will meet again...
I LOVE YOU
peacerespectempathy
we've been through a lot more than most people... mw'll all meet again... trust me about that... i'm sure of it... maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but we will meet... the universe will do this for us....
all the good time's we've had... all the fun... all the fights... people, i'm overwhelmed... i can't help but break out crying... arun said it bes, "Its the end of an era."...
tina, you were the baby sister i never had... you were the one i used to protect as a kid... you were the only person whom i even bothered to look after even when i was in my craziest stages... i remember you staying over at our place atleast twice a week just so that you could be with us... i love you kid.... truly... i love you... you were my compass at all my moments of confusion... you are the only one who can stay so god-damned steady at all times... i will miss you...
arun, you were the twin i never had... you always were the biggest around... you've been around since eternity and i know you will be there... you were always there when i was in shit... without you i would've killed myself a long time back... trust me dude... thats the highest praise i can give... you saved me from myself... thank you... thank you... thank you... you've always pointed me in the right direction... you were the one who saw me for who i am and helped me better myself... a friend like you is hard to come by... dude, i love you...
neetu, you were always right about me... you really knew me way before i knew you one bit... you knew that all my childishness was just my way of sidetracking all commitment in my life... if i've ever hurt you before, im sorry... for trying to steal your easter gift, im sorry... for me being mean to you, as a child or even now, im sorry... i know i was a moron as a kid but you bore all that i had to offer... you are one strong girl... thank you... i love you kid... you helped me find me... thank you... you were the one who showed me that i have something good in me... thank you... you bared your soul to me, that in itself showed me your level of trust... thank you kid... i love you... a lot...
the rest of you guys... i will say goodbye later... we do not part ways now... but trust me... you guys are equally important...
i really dont want you guys to leave... i will miss you all....
I LOVE YOU ALL!!
why the fuck are goodbyes so damn painful?
why do we have to go through this?... why cant life just stay as it was?.. fuck this... words aint doing this any justice...
i love you guys...
we will meet again...
I LOVE YOU
peacerespectempathy
1.07.2005
through the eye of the needle...
sound : The Cure - Disintegration
everybody's leavin....
so much for being positive... t and neet leave tomorrow... arun leaves the day after... ill be left here with nobody to even talk to... aj and akhil are busy with their exams... yeah... i will be busy with mine too, but i need to converse... i am but human, aint i?...
why is it that everything good just stops being that way just when you really start to enjoy it?... will it always be that way?... will it always be that way?... will we always have to suffer the pains of being beaten back into place by the truth?... with all the energies that lie in the truth why is it that we always have to suffer for it?... why do we have to bear the brunt of seperation... arun's goin to canada, t's goin to bombay, neet's goin to kerala, i'll be (hopefully) leaving soon, aj will leave after her 12th, akhil's leaving next year (i think)... why?... wont even two of us be together... why does fate send us all away to different parts of the globe?... why?... why?... why?...
agreed its all for the better... arun's already got his big break... t and neet are in college... hopefully ill get my big break... we're all growing up...
why do we have to grow up?... agreed i still behave like a child... i know that i am getting older... me liking it or not... i am scared of commitment in all its different forms... all forms of thought drives me crazy... instinct is what makes me who i am... i thrive to be a child again... i thrive for the moments of simple pleasures... the easy innocent pleasures that on gains through the smile of a loved one, the feeling of ecstatic joy gotten while you play with your friends... the terrorized gasp that you breath while you are caught in a game of hide and seek... i miss the decadence of childhood... all these memories are just stains now... stains in the fabric of my life.... stains i wish never to remove... ever...
we all know how the end always is...
i dont like it...
i hate the end...
i hate it...
i hate the end...
i hate this feeling of helplessness...
FUCK YOU!
peacerespectempathy
everybody's leavin....
so much for being positive... t and neet leave tomorrow... arun leaves the day after... ill be left here with nobody to even talk to... aj and akhil are busy with their exams... yeah... i will be busy with mine too, but i need to converse... i am but human, aint i?...
why is it that everything good just stops being that way just when you really start to enjoy it?... will it always be that way?... will it always be that way?... will we always have to suffer the pains of being beaten back into place by the truth?... with all the energies that lie in the truth why is it that we always have to suffer for it?... why do we have to bear the brunt of seperation... arun's goin to canada, t's goin to bombay, neet's goin to kerala, i'll be (hopefully) leaving soon, aj will leave after her 12th, akhil's leaving next year (i think)... why?... wont even two of us be together... why does fate send us all away to different parts of the globe?... why?... why?... why?...
agreed its all for the better... arun's already got his big break... t and neet are in college... hopefully ill get my big break... we're all growing up...
why do we have to grow up?... agreed i still behave like a child... i know that i am getting older... me liking it or not... i am scared of commitment in all its different forms... all forms of thought drives me crazy... instinct is what makes me who i am... i thrive to be a child again... i thrive for the moments of simple pleasures... the easy innocent pleasures that on gains through the smile of a loved one, the feeling of ecstatic joy gotten while you play with your friends... the terrorized gasp that you breath while you are caught in a game of hide and seek... i miss the decadence of childhood... all these memories are just stains now... stains in the fabric of my life.... stains i wish never to remove... ever...
so it's all come back round to breaking apart
again breaking apart like i'm made up of glass
again making it up behind my back again
holding my breath for the fear of sleep again
holding it up behind my head again cut in deep
to the heart of the bone again round and round
and round and it's coming apart again over and
over and over
now that i know that i'm breaking to pieces i'll
pull out my heart and i'll feed it to anyone
crying for sympathy crocodile cry for the love
of the crowd and the three cheers from
everyone dropping through sky through the
glass of the roof through the roof of your mouth
through the mouth of your eye through the eye
of the needle it's easier for me to get closer to
heaven than ever feel whole again
i never said i would stay to the end i knew i
would leave you with babies and everything
screaming like this in the hole of sincerity
screaming me over and over and over i leave
you with photographs pictues of trickery
stains on the carpet and stains on the memory
songs about happiness murmured in dreams when the both
of us knew how the end always is...
we all know how the end always is...
i dont like it...
i hate the end...
i hate it...
i hate the end...
i hate this feeling of helplessness...
FUCK YOU!
peacerespectempathy
1.06.2005
I resolute
sound : The Cure - Alt End
the skit went of without a hitch... everyone acted beautifully... the costumes were awesome... the recording went off without a single glitch... it felt awesome... i swear... the skit was so good that we deserve an oscar... everything about it was awesome... ill post pics of it as soon as arun sends them to me...
ive been having long talks with neet and arun and stuff and the general consensus among all of them is that im way too negative... i guess now being the new year and stuff i should take a shot at this resolution thing that everyone talks about... yes i resolute that i shall be more positive this year... that shall be my resolution... to be more positive... i shall be like bizarro-avi... i will be the opposite of what you all know... i will be positive...
i will be more positive....
i will do well in my SATs...
i will get my visa and join a good college....
i rule!....
peacerespectempathy
the skit went of without a hitch... everyone acted beautifully... the costumes were awesome... the recording went off without a single glitch... it felt awesome... i swear... the skit was so good that we deserve an oscar... everything about it was awesome... ill post pics of it as soon as arun sends them to me...
ive been having long talks with neet and arun and stuff and the general consensus among all of them is that im way too negative... i guess now being the new year and stuff i should take a shot at this resolution thing that everyone talks about... yes i resolute that i shall be more positive this year... that shall be my resolution... to be more positive... i shall be like bizarro-avi... i will be the opposite of what you all know... i will be positive...
i will be more positive....
i will do well in my SATs...
i will get my visa and join a good college....
i rule!....
peacerespectempathy
yikes!... that doesn't even sound like me... lets see though...
1.02.2005
Mommy, can I keep it?
sound : Mick Jagger - Old Habits Die Hard
the whole day's been good... i cant stop smiling... i seriously feel like a kid again... not bad huh?... 2005... (knocks on table) so far so good... the interview and stuff... wow... im fuckin speechless....
but theres so much to do (yeah, yeah, i know i'm a whiney ass)... i gotta finish my GRE ASAP... then my SATs too... (wow there were a lot of abbreviations back there!)... i've got so much to do... i'm real happy and stuff... but kinda scared too... wonder if i'll continue whining and bitching about stuff when i finally get the stuff i want.... i guess i will... bitching is in my nature.... im a natural born whiner... there's no stopping the whiner in me... wonder when i'll see any of the folks out here?... will i ever meet them again?... will it be like most of my friends from school?... will all comunications just seize to exist?.... agreed i'm still in touch with some of the guys from school, but will i meet these folks again.... will we ever get to be all together again... will there ever be another new year's eve's eve party of this caliber again?... i will miss them... all of em... some i've loved since they were kids... some i sorta understood recently... mostly their all i had here... im goin through the same motions that arun went through...
to all of you... i love you all... from the bottom of my heart.... truly.... you guys were my pillar.... you guys... i have no words dudes.... arun, aj, t, neet, akhil, lini, joel.... big hearts to you guys... i'm getting all emotional here...
i will miss you guys....
peacerespectempathy
the whole day's been good... i cant stop smiling... i seriously feel like a kid again... not bad huh?... 2005... (knocks on table) so far so good... the interview and stuff... wow... im fuckin speechless....
but theres so much to do (yeah, yeah, i know i'm a whiney ass)... i gotta finish my GRE ASAP... then my SATs too... (wow there were a lot of abbreviations back there!)... i've got so much to do... i'm real happy and stuff... but kinda scared too... wonder if i'll continue whining and bitching about stuff when i finally get the stuff i want.... i guess i will... bitching is in my nature.... im a natural born whiner... there's no stopping the whiner in me... wonder when i'll see any of the folks out here?... will i ever meet them again?... will it be like most of my friends from school?... will all comunications just seize to exist?.... agreed i'm still in touch with some of the guys from school, but will i meet these folks again.... will we ever get to be all together again... will there ever be another new year's eve's eve party of this caliber again?... i will miss them... all of em... some i've loved since they were kids... some i sorta understood recently... mostly their all i had here... im goin through the same motions that arun went through...
to all of you... i love you all... from the bottom of my heart.... truly.... you guys were my pillar.... you guys... i have no words dudes.... arun, aj, t, neet, akhil, lini, joel.... big hearts to you guys... i'm getting all emotional here...
i will miss you guys....
--------------------------------------------------
there is always a price to pay right?... for every good, the equal amount of bad that exists to equalize the karmic debt.... well, it's true... all this joy about our interview and stuff.... its all good... every bit of it.... but.... i have to cut my hair!....
I HAVE TO CUT MY HAIR!!!
i cant believe it!... its not about the folks at the interview or anything... not at all... it's my folks.... i've ranted about this earlier.... they claim they cant go to india with me if i have long hair... it seems its too shameful for them to be seen with me with long hair.... just because im not a genius means i gotta have short hair... why stop there... i could cut my hair real short with patches and stuff and claim to be rainman right?... definitely shouldn't have long hair... most definitely cut mut my hair.... dont get me wrong... if it were for the interview and stuff it was ok... i wouldn't mind.... but claiming that it was too disgraceful for them to be seen with me with long hair... now thats way below the belt.... they have no idea how hurt i am by that.... fuck!... all i do is smile and act happy and these people tell me that they are ashamed of me... helloo!... what happened to parental support and all that crap.... i have to do it too... man i hate myself... i say anything now and it'll unleash all the fury of an emotional tsunami.....
i'm gettin it cut on the 7th... the day after the program...
7th jan - the day avinash cuts his hair.....
aww man....
the thing is... i'm attached.... really attached to my hair... agreed it'll grow back and stuff... but hey, 2 years of natural growth.... it's the perfect length right now... just below the shoulder and stuff... its the perfect length, the perfect color and the perfect texture.... if i cut it.... man, i'll lose it all... but i guess i'll do it....
i think i have no karmic debt.... i guess i've payed my dues....
good - my interview is set, everyone got together again,
bad - i may never see everyone together again, i have to cut my hair, i havent got my guitar
aww man...
--------------------------------------------------
An open letter to God-dude about my hair
dear god-dude,please don't take my hair away from me... please?.... you've have kept me fat... kept me broke... kept me single... and kept me in hell for way too long... i havent got anything i've ever wanted... i dont have my guitar and i haven't gotten laid.... please?.... please let me keep my hair..... i know you do this to mock me... come on... have a heart... please?...PRE - avi
peacerespectempathy
1.01.2005
staying alive!
sound : TOOL - Crawl Away
it's been a while.... lots happened and i am positively sure that i have atleast 2 (cheers akhil, neet!!!) readers.... the tsunami struck... thousands of lives were lost... personally... i wont talk about the wave much... its way too depressing...
had an awesome christmas party... ok, so it wasnt on christmas day... maybe i'll call it the eve of new year's eve party (ENYEP)... yes... ENYEP it is!!!... truly... the thing went off without a hitch... tapeworm was kinda subdued... everybody had fun... the most fun was at something like 3:30 or 4 in the morning... we all were in retro mode... usually i dont dance... well ok.. i dance sometimes... but you cant call it a dance... all i do is sort of jiggle... yes, thats the word... i jiggle...now dont get me wrong here... i love music... i love everything about it... its just that my body doesnt respond to the rhythm as well as i want it to... well... at first there was this bhangra session goin on... me being a devout bhangra hater, i stayed away... i find bhangra inanely boring and super-moronic... i seriously dont get what all the excitement is about a bunch of no-brainers jumping around while pointing at the sky?.... things really started lookin up when the music went retro... we played everything from boney m to abba to michael jackson... we were in retro heaven... me and arun were trying our best to recreate the moves in thriller... people really started getting excited when staying alive came on... it was good...
went home after that at noon on the 31st... tried swimming but the water was freezing cold... went home and poof!... i was asleep... i basically slept the whole of the last day of 2004... that night we had a small get together at neet's place... lots of pic taking and stuff... lini managed to get one of me begging... g-kutty unc managed to get a bottle of smirnoff from somewhere...
overall, it was one of the better days... one of the few better days....
damn, i like the better days!
peacerespectempathy
it's been a while.... lots happened and i am positively sure that i have atleast 2 (cheers akhil, neet!!!) readers.... the tsunami struck... thousands of lives were lost... personally... i wont talk about the wave much... its way too depressing...
had an awesome christmas party... ok, so it wasnt on christmas day... maybe i'll call it the eve of new year's eve party (ENYEP)... yes... ENYEP it is!!!... truly... the thing went off without a hitch... tapeworm was kinda subdued... everybody had fun... the most fun was at something like 3:30 or 4 in the morning... we all were in retro mode... usually i dont dance... well ok.. i dance sometimes... but you cant call it a dance... all i do is sort of jiggle... yes, thats the word... i jiggle...now dont get me wrong here... i love music... i love everything about it... its just that my body doesnt respond to the rhythm as well as i want it to... well... at first there was this bhangra session goin on... me being a devout bhangra hater, i stayed away... i find bhangra inanely boring and super-moronic... i seriously dont get what all the excitement is about a bunch of no-brainers jumping around while pointing at the sky?.... things really started lookin up when the music went retro... we played everything from boney m to abba to michael jackson... we were in retro heaven... me and arun were trying our best to recreate the moves in thriller... people really started getting excited when staying alive came on... it was good...
went home after that at noon on the 31st... tried swimming but the water was freezing cold... went home and poof!... i was asleep... i basically slept the whole of the last day of 2004... that night we had a small get together at neet's place... lots of pic taking and stuff... lini managed to get one of me begging... g-kutty unc managed to get a bottle of smirnoff from somewhere...
overall, it was one of the better days... one of the few better days....
damn, i like the better days!
peacerespectempathy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
