Progression through Intellectualism

sound : desert sessions - wanna make it witchu (josh homme sounds cool as always)

its been a while since ive even had the chance to get access to a computer... about a week... not much has happened... kairali was ok... the pullikalli was a hit... i expected a mega flop... one guy going this way and the other going some other and stuff like that... but hey... they did ok....

i wrote a bit during the past one week... i mean wrote (with pen and paper!!)... the result wasnt all too bad... 2 poems, 1 horrible haiku and one story.... agreed i dont like the standard all too much but atleast my imagination is healthy... plus i like the story that i wrote... its called "STEVE (A Piece of Fictious Non-fiction)".... i wanted to type it out but its kinda long.... ill post it soon....

i realised that my mind wanders too much... i cant stay on one though... i keep associating it with something or the other and end up losing the flow of the conversation.... sometimes when i sit down to think about something i end up forgetting what i start with... is this a sign of some form of adolascent senility/dementia???... sometimes i come up with these totally irrelevant comments during a conversation and people look at me like i farted or something (no, i have not!!)....

i was thinking of this and that today.... i should continue drawing... i have some good ideas but they just dont seem to be coming out..... my standard of writing seems to be depreciating.... wow.... its been more than two years.... ive been sitting around doing absolutely nothing worthwhile for two fuckin years!!!... man i havent though of this before... i always think like the visas comin soon but what if it takes another two years?... i dont think i could survive that long.... most of my friends are finishing off with college and here i am sittin in my folks home doing absolutely nothing..... fuck....

i asked mama today if i could go back to india and atleast do some diploma course or something till our visa comes through... i find out we dont have enough cash for that... even if we got our visa i doubt i could afford going to college unless they have some sort of programme for me to work and pay off my tuition or something... but atleast mamas working here... papa doesnt even look for a job anymore.... god knows what hes got running through his head.... and how much ever i try i aint gonna get me a job thats gonna stay... not out here anyway cos im not a saudi national and i do not have a work permit... this country sucks.... when i told mama that i want another job she asked me why i quit going to the garage if i wanted a job... that was shit... i work my ass off and i dont even get paid... volunteer work i dont mind but fixing other peoples' cars and not being payed for it.... no way, jose!!.. thats not a smart deal.... if they had payed me i would have stayed but no pay, no way.....

im tired of people telling me to have faith... balls!!... faith is for morons... if there was a god i wouldnt have had to suffer so much.... if there was a god there wouldnt be wars and death... fuck god... god is just a creation of the collective psyche to babysit the fragile egos of all the insecure bastards who need some kind of pillar to lean on... well lean all you want but i aint going to... your "pillar" broke..... its basic human nature see, we all need someone to look up to.... we all need someone to blame all our follies... we all need a father figure.... "god works in mysterious ways" my ass.... its all random.... chaos reigns in this pitiful world os so-called order... according to me there is a spiritual realm... there is what we call a "soul"... but i do not believe that we are governed over by a superior being... god is the main reason of war (muslim/x-tian, muslim/hindu, jew/muslim)... everywhere you look there is religious violence... throughout the ages more people have died thanks to religious conflict than natural disease... even so-called "politics" is not free from the plague that is religion.... thats the main reason why we have stagnated as a species.... we are the dead-pool entity... we do not move forward... why?... because we dam ourselves through internal conflict and censorship... freedom is unfound even in our times... we are all part of the herd... the herd called society... even the few who want to break away from the herd and roam free through the plains of intelectual enlightenment are held back by our dogma... we must leard to free ourselves of the herd and push the envelope through thought... progression through intellectualism is a necessity.... if we continue going the way we are now... we are doomed to an existance of consumeristic, corporation-fuelled crucifiction.... follow the light of free-though.... break the mold people... that is what differentiates us from our primate cousins.... BE HUMAN!

peacerespectempathy