My email to T

sound : some guy frantically trying to beat his keyboard to death

i went down to pay and leave the cafe but its prayer time so i guess ill stay for another half hour... i thought id post the email i sent to t....

hi there kiddo... how are you?... its wierd without you out here you know?... i went over to your place for mass and jamie was there but you weren't....even mike said he missed you :)... jamie is ok considering his best friend is in india... but you know how it is.. right?... ajnu has you email up in her blog and i read thru it... abt the guardian thing... its ok... nobody other than the first people who understand you (in your case - your folks) will truly understand who you really are... abt guardians... they'll fuss on you for a while and then it'll be ok.... you can do your thing... you know you wont fuck up and thats enough... sorry abt the tone of this email but im feeling all messed up right now.... but you should be happy though... be happy that you have your folks to understand you... for me its different...till i was 10 it was all good for me... papa and mama knew me... but after i went to india i lost my intimacy with them... after that all my support for the last 10 years are my friends... ive never understood my folks like i understood my friends throughout my teen life... but now... i feel like im finally bonding with mama... agreed they treat me like somebody i am not... but mama and me are getting along better now... so you should be happy... you can speak to yourfolks and stuff... abt missing jeddah... its natural.... you've been here your whole life and you will miss it... be happy abt that too cos you BELONG... you feel an affinity for a place... youve got somewhere to set your heart to when in doubt... be happy abt it and cherish it.... me and arun have the same problem... we both dont feel like we belong... i wish you guys were here... you, arun.... did you realise that i wasnt all too close with you until i came to jeddah?... those 2 yrs i spent here were not my best but i connected with you and aj and arun... by connected i mean i really got to know ya'll... you guys were my pillar.... god knows what i woulda done if ya'll werent around whenever i felt bad... i just went to arun and i felt much better whenever i spoke to you and aj... both of you guys were so full of everything... you must be thinking im goin all stupid eyed and stuff... its just that ive been thinking a lot abt my life after my bday and i had some stuff to say... remember the baha picnic... thanks... you and lini... thanks for not treating me like an animal after my outburst out there... i realized that a few ppl were treating me kinda differently... catiously infact... but you guys didnt show a sign.... thanks a lot... gotta say that to lini too.... actually im sorry you had to see that... it was all that pressure and stuff... all that steam building up and POOF!!! i blew up... its like one of those really loud farts.... you try holding it in but after a while KA-BLAAAAMO!!! you just let it rip... i guess that was one of life's farts huh.... balls... this email has been way too serious... hope your not bored.... onto lighter stuff.... theres a new song by the music :D.... its called "freedom fighters" and the singer does his dance.... heh heh heh.... abt the blog thing... why dont you?... guess ill stop here.... ciao little one.... PRE - avi

damn winmx is not downloading anything... crap!! chatted with aj and arun for a while... im feeling all shit faced right now... i just realised that im not in the mood to type anything out... i just want my life back. PERIOD.

peacerespectempathy