Soliloquy

sound : Led Zeppelin - No Quarter

I have M.C.S. (Middle-Child Syndrome)...

i may be the eldest of my folks' two kids, but im the second to be concieved.... a few months back i found out from my mom that there was another child... my older sibling...

mama had a miscarriage before me!!!

imagine... they kept this away from me for 20 years!!!... i bet my life would have been much more different that what it is now if i had known earlier... maybe i would have understood why i was never pushed into anything... maybe that explains the complascence with which they treat me even though i feel like crap... ok, i agree its not conscious on their part... but subconsciously they still do treat me like the middle-child....

maybe its under-written in the very fabric of space-time... i am the second seed... i am the middle, the plain, the ordinary... maybe it is written that i am who i am.... maybe its this that brought me here in this very Now....

I AM THE MIDDLE-CHILD... i am not a genius in any sense of the word... i am not an academic intelect... agreed i have a good idea now and then, nothing substantial though... i am not the best looking person on earth, but i feel that i am unique... i think.... i may not be a wisened intelect but i think... i do not allow myself to become a slave to the cycle, yet i see myself raped for the wheel...

i feel inadequate... i feel weak... i feel so god-damn subdued by this sense of despondancy that kills me from the inside... i have M.C.S.

I WANT OUT!

this is my curse, to be me... this is my agony.... this is me soliloquy to myself... my ode to the pile of shit that is my life...

peacerespectempathy