What have I become?

sound : NIN - Hurt [i have been listening to this song on repeat for the last half hour]

-==Hurt==-

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

it was sunil unc's bday today... mama made some drawings of j. christ ispired by the work of luc feymanc... went over to his (sunil) place and stuff... listened to some classic santana.... santana during their better years... supernatural was good, but shaman was crap.... "oye como va" and "jingo" and "black magic woman" and stuff... borrowed a book - Sue Townsend's "Adrian Mole: From Minor To Major"... its awesome... i can relate to adrian so much... the way he dreams of his life, his thoughts on society and culture and his exageration of his own intelect... everything he does i can relate to... i remember i was exactly like adrian mole in the 9th grade... its weird though... a week from now i turn 20!!! TWENTY!!! ive got one more week of teen life left and theres so much in my life left incomplete.... some of the ppl i know are even getting married, some have jobs and are totally independant... look at me.... i havent even been to college yet... i have no money, i leech off of my folks, i aint even happy about myself... sure everybody thinks im the happiest guy on the planet... but hey, its a damn facade... ppl already think im a nut-case thanks to my different tastes, my attitude, my look and practically almost everything about me... one kid even came upto me and asked me if i was a thug (damn you mallu stereotypes on tv!! damn you!!)...

who exactly am i?... i know i sound repetetive by asking this question... but i have to... this is because i still have no answer to that question...

who am i?...

who am i?...

who am i?...

balls to it all!

peacerespectempathy