Brain Fart Vol. 2

sound : My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama - Frank Zappa

on medication you see so much... not because the drugs get onto you.... but because you lie in bed and think a lot.... i found scooby doo on the ceiling over my bed..... i have half fulfilled dreams of things i wasnt meant to have right now because of my fool-hardiness.... my body aches.... yes, yes... this is a complaint piece of telegramme-like proportions.....

"Holy crap dude! They've killed Kenny!"

"The Bastards!"

peacerespectempathy

The Scarred Philosopher said

sound : Catholic Girls - Frank Zappa

i read the entry on tess' new blog and i felt like just hugging her or something... reminds me of the little pet sparrow i one had...

poor, poor tess... i know exactly how you feel.... one moment you have so much hatred inside of you that you feel like bursting but the next minute.... when the light finally shines.... you feel it all just flitter away.... like the wind so to speak.... i spent any months in anger.... truly.... personally.... i think i havent fixed my links in my blog because i think i hate the times when i was like that.... full of rage and fury.... aimed at nothing but walls....

"why did we have to get a guitar?.... why does he even need a guitar?... he doesn't like music.... i want a bass guitar not a six-string..."

months later i changed my views.... its been three years now... i havent played proper guitar in weeks..... i still dont own that elusive electric guitar..... right now... i have done something i want to... the feeling of elation right now is undescribable... trust me....

in due time everything will me all right.... and you realizing you love your mother is a good thing.....

4 months of labor and scrooge-like behavior is finally paying off.... i think im ready to open up again... ill fix my links... soon....

till the next time you blog... adios little one....

PRE - avi

oh yeah... another thing... not saying anything about tess... but my sparrow died.... this mean kid at school pushed it into some water and it died the next day..... i beat the little bastard up behind the senior toilets after that....

it was a little baby sparow.... it could almost fly.... actually.... it could make these hops.... i wonder what would have been different if it had not died....

it didnt even have a name...

peacerespectempathy

another one of those boring, no meaninged posts about my day... i know none of you care to read this shit but hey!... its called artistic license...

sound : Naima - Santana

welcome back to my oblong reality my friends..... oh yes, i am back in the blitzkreig bop of my life... no, im not complaining.... actually today has been ok..... not too bad actually....

well, i stayed up till 12:30 last night finishing my psych paper which was due today (yes, i am the maharajah of procastrination).... went to school and i found out that people thought that jerusha (a friend of mine) and i are dating.... rectified all the confusion there by claiming that i was in love with another dude and everybody was happy and wierded out again.... confusion, the way of the perfect human.....

submitted my paper to shrek (my psych professor, he looks like shrek and talks like brain from
"Pinky and the Brain") and i hung out with friends the rest of the day.... yeah... the same old monotony of everyday life in the body of avinash.... frankly, i like it...

Oh yeah.... i drew a caricature of john lennon playing his guitar on my friend, mellissa's arm..... it actually looked kinda good..... i should have taken a picture of it but i forgot about it..... it was big too.... from her shoulder till her elbow..... i also drew a caveman on tuyet's arm.....

i think i should get into body art.... seems like a good profession if you ask me..... hmm....

peacerespectempathy

The "Being John Malkovich" Syndrome

sound : Paranoid - Black Sabbath

arun's comment on my previous post has sent me through one of my usual tangents.....

why is it that i become a blind sheep to the ones that i admire?.... why is it that i have always believed that the greatest way to awsomeness was to emulate the ways and the means of all that i admire?... and why, oh why is it that the ones i admire have never, ever been any of the plain and normal heroes of our time..... why isn't gandhi my hero?.... or mother teresa?.... or even michael jordan?......

what is with this need of mine to discover the narrow crooked path of the scum of the earth..... why is it that when i discover something that i like, i (metaphorically) rape it to death?..... system of a down, aleister crowley, tool, hunter thompson, (at one stage of my life..... my personal shame) limp bizkit, linkin park, nine inch nails, audioslave, john frusciante, symphonic goth rock..... whenever i discover a new artist i get myself to check out each and every one of their creations....

now this leads me to ajnu's remark..... about the "ambition" thing... maybe this "being john malkovich" syndrome of mine stems from my non-ambition.... my total lack of wanting a future.... no, let me rephrase that.... i want a future..... but i think that i am too light on the ways on how i control myself and my life..... i'd rather let myself flow i guess.....

but this letting myself flow doesn't help my ego in any way.... i become this wierd freak of a man with no sense of being and no ambition what so ever..... add to this my lack of true and real heroes..... i have none.... no heroes.... zip... nada... nil.... and what do you get?..... a hero-worshipping pussy dude.... yes my most unlucky readers..... you have now understood what i truly am.... i am a loser..... not just any plain old loser... no, no, no, no, no.... i am a loser of the worst kind.... i am a no-good, worthless, non-ambitious, funk of a loser..... yes, the worst kind of loser there is....

but i have survived for this long being this wierd pathetic loser that i am.... what does that say about my theory of malkovichness?.... what does that make me?... am i scum?.... am i a waste of matter in this universe?....

i don't think so.... agreed, i do not have ambition.... my life is nearly non-existant.... but im alive.... i'm alive and kicking as hard as i can.... yes. all ye worms who read this, i am not a waste of mass and matter in this universe.... maybe i wont be rich or great during my lifetime.... but my life is much better that most others.... i have experienced way more than most people... i am the story teller... i am the wise old man on the mountain... i am the one THEY speak of with pity in THEIR voices.... i am the one who tried to help people when they need help the most....

I AM THE WALRUS!

and as the walrus i am content...

yes, you bunch of squirming maggots... in my own special way, i am content.....

peacerespectempathy

DRIP, DRIP, DRIP....

sound : Girl, you'll Be A Woman Soon - Urge Overkill

do you ever feel so closed up that you feel like what little you let out of yourself is like the drippings of a leaky faucet?.... damn these pig-thoughts in my head..... pig, dog, shred, lamb-chops, YMCA.... where is there any connection?..... the bastards....

it's like when you try to count the stars in the newspapers and you end up with a mind-boggling vision of flying pigs and singing dogs.... damn those singing dogs.....

unknown to you and your's i have found jesus.... my jesus.... my personal jesus so to speak..... but who is this great soul that i proclaim to be jesus?.... why would i, this pig-fart of a man even try to proclaim anybody as jesus?... well, IT'S COS I DAMN WELL CAN!!

and since i can, i will....

my jesus was a mescaline eating, music loving, anti-establishmentarian power junky.... yes my jesus was the hullucinogenic word-king.... my jesus is Dr. Hunter S. Thompson....

reading his work i feel so attached to him... i feel like we were twins from different wombs.... if only i had known the true greatness of HST earlier on... atleast before he died... maybe i could have tried contacting... knowing his empathy for crazed, lost souls i might have had a chance for a reply from him.... however small it may have been....

or maybe it's better off this way... maybe i would have hated him after he (supposedly) replied to my message.... them maybe i would have lived my whole life hating the one i look upto....

maybe this is one of those moments where i truly understand what idol worship is..... maybe maynard and HST are my idols..... mayeb the way i feel a connection to them is how so many little teenage girls and confused, hormone-driven thirteen year old boys adore their personal jesuses..... you know?... all the pop-sluts and the pseudo-(read fake)-rock jiggolos and the glitter-whores....

maybe HST is my favorite pop-slut....

peacerespectempathy

...

sound : Only - Nine Inch Nails

im at one of those moments in my life again..... im happy (?) and all of that jazz but the thing is... there's still something missing.... there's everything thati have and i still feel so damn screwed up.... i know i sound like some lame-ass emo kid, but maybe i am?..... now thats a creepy thought....

the thing is... im getting impatient with all of this "life" thing.... i dont even know if im going in the right direction.....

i guess the next thing i have to find for myself is ambition....

hmm...

peacerespectempathy