beaconesque

sound :My Generation - The Who

i can't sleep... there's too much running through my head....

everyone i know is so far away...

arun is in canada, ajnu is in malluland or now but she's leaving for canada too, tina is in mumbai, akhil and neetu are in cochin and me... im gonna be going to the US in exactly 10 days....

the others.... suren and surya are in singapore, jude is in scotland, amrith, vimal, sibi and joseph are in chennai, deepak and adang are in bangalore....

i wish i could bring them all back and hold them all in palm of my hands... everybody is so far away...

i wish i could rewind back to the times that i lived life to the fullest....

i wish i could rewind back to last christmas atleast for a little while so that i can be truly happy again...

peacerespectempathy

----

sound : Baba O'Riley - The Who

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: i know this is kinda lame but it just formed while i was typing and i thought to myself "why not?"]

he wakes up with a splitting headache.... it feels like he has a jack-hammer held against the back of his head... he tries to look at the naked bulb hanging overhead... it's no use... everything's still too blurry...

he rubs his eyes and tries to look out of the window... all he sees is the empty street with garbage piled up on both side... beside him on the night-stand lie the tell-tale signs of human decadance... an empty bottle, an open pack of condoms, a few cigarette butts and a syringe...

pure white pain.... pain behind the eyes... stabbing pain...

he shuts his eyes again and presses his thumbs into his eyes to deaden the pain...

there's a smell... a sickly, sweet smell... the smell of blood.... he panics but he does not open his eyes... what happened?... he tries to think of what happened last night... no, the memories are vague... he sees bits and pieces...

car... club... girl... dancing... drinks... the drive to the motel...

GIRL!!

he opens his eyes and sees the girl... bloody... a thousand cuts on her face.... her hair matted with dry blood... her eyelids cut off, she stares up at the ceiling... he looks down on the floor... a bloody knife...

"oh god... not again..."

he gets off the bed, kneels down and starts to pray...

peacerespectempathy

"He had a lot to say... He had a lot of nothing to say..."

sound : Take, Take, Take - The White Stripes

today morning, i met maynard in church... he was there in the choir with judith singing "Eulogy"... i asked him what he was doing in church and he just said that he was trying something new.... i left the church in a state of confusion only to witness a boy being crushed under an ant... the poor bastard...

i met jochu today (well he aint jochu... he calls himself joel or jojo now) anyways, hes a good kid... spoke to him for a while and stuff... he aint the same round little kid that always asked for "molachis" anymore... sheesh... why do we have to age?....

i went to a store to get myself some rat poison and guess who was there?... NOBODY!!!

i got a call from saritha today... she seems happy... spoke for a while and stuff... yeah... it felt nice to know that people haven't forgotten me yet... aj must be in malluland now... why hasn't she called... i dont have her number... papa seems to have misplaced it... aj, if you're reading this CALL ME!!!!.....

had dinner with a monkey.... he claimed that he was adolf hitler reincarnated in animal form... i told him to shove off and i ate his french fries....

went over to sus aunty's place yesterday and met tkchen uncle, sus aunty and jaimie.... spoke for a while and stuff... saw a few recent photos... it felt good...

"I saw Rita Heyward there
And it was all that I needed!"

i wish i were on the moon... maybe then i'd understand everything.... everything... why do i even bother?...

peacerespectempathy

"I never get to see the big adam's apples, the two headed people, the male lesbians, the pretty transvestites and god-dude(tte)s..."

sound :Be Yourself - Audioslave

The tidal wave of memories that flowed through my head after i left neet and akhil's place was kinda overwhelming... it was good there... i was genuinely happy.... now that's rare... we goofed around... took pics and stuff.... yeah... it was good...

oh yeah... another thing...i heard it through the grapewine (actually from akhil) that the dj guy has a freakishly large adam's apple... why the hell dont i ever get to meet these interesting folks... i never get to see the big adam's apples, the two headed people, the male lesbians, the pretty transvestites and god-dude(tte)s... im stuck with plain old everyday folks with miniscule (or in my case) or nonexistant adam's apples... right now i want to make fun of somebody... where's a freak (other than yourself) when you need one?...

meeting neet and akhil brought back memories from the past 3 yrs... but we met robin uncle and family yesterday... meeting akash was seriously disturbing since i hadnt met the kid in 10 years.... the guy has a frickin moustache!!!... in my head akash is the little chubby kid and not the tall, thin kid with a moustach... but it was good...robin uncle is still funny as hell, binu aunty hasn't changed a bit... akash is the same old quiet person as always and kashmira, well i cant say much cos i saw the kid last when she was less than a year old... nice kid though... bubbly... always a good thing to be for an 11 yr old... they had this doberman pup... just 45 days old... the little fellow was real cool....

the memories that rushed through my head after that visit was totally different... it was of another era.... going to south corniche every weekend... all the older folks wind surfing... the barbecues... it felt like a movie.... it felt like someone elses momories because i doubt i can everrr be that happy again... yes i was better off last christmas but nothing can beat the sheer bliss of childish ignorance...

i miss my guitar... i left it back in chennai... now i'll have to go for 10 days without playing my guitar.... i miss my guitar.... my fingers ache to play a tune... oh well....

i cant stop listening to "Be Yourself" (Audioslave) and "Old School Hollywood" (System Of A Down) and the whole of "Get Behind Me Satan" by The White Stripes.... "Get Behind Me Satan" is a pure work of genius.... good music....

thanks akhil "cos that was all that I needed."

oh yeah.... one more thing.... neet showed me her facial boob.... it was wierd...
peacerespectempathy

"Get Behind Me ****... Yeah Baby! YEAH!"

sound :Death Letter - The White Stripes

earlier this morning i sat back with a glass of mucus in one hand and some phlegm in the other... these meds are really driving me insane... my hands were shivering... i was so god damn hungry it felt like i could eat a horse... so i did.... i found out that the concoction of meds that i took were too much and my body was showing signs of shock... i was hypoglycemic and hungry as hell... and most of the time i was stoned as hell as well... now that rhymes... cool....

"its a known fact.. you never believe a word of what i say... its just the way
things are... but if you are to believe that you must not believe me, do you
believe when i say you shouldn't?... in that case you should believe... and now
that i told you to believe, do you believe that and not believe me when i ask
you to believe?... and incase you do believe and it aint true, dont blame me cos
i warned you...."

next thing i knew i was flying with the unicorns up on planet za-za... after doing a few dives i found out that my wings were tearing thanks to the weight of my "koomba"... after getting down on the ground i went rock climbing with my buddy the gecko..... now geck and i were arguing about who had the greatest butt on earth and he kept telling me its j-lo... finally i was so sick of his jenny-philia that i had to tell him the truth..."jennifer lopez doesn't have an ass... its a friggin' coffee table for christ's sake!"... he got mad and tried to bitch-slap me... we started wrestling right there on the face of the cliff where i started to pull off a few classy moves... next thing i knew a bolt of lightning struck the sheer face of the cliff about 6 feet away from us and a voice unlike any other shouted down upon us in furious anger, "YOU FOOLS! WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING?" and i screamed back, "COS HE TRIED TO BITCH-SLAP ME FOR SAYING THAT J-LO'S BUTT LOOKS LIKE A COFFEE TABLE" and then the voice took a few seconds to understand the full weight of what i had said....

[fifteen years later]

"HA HA HA! YOU ARE A FUNNY MAN, YOUR JOKE IS GOOD!" and i replied to the voice "BUT DUDE, YOU ARE A LITTLE LATE... LOOK AT US.. ITS BEEN FIFTEEN YEARS SINCE I TOLD YOU THE JOKE AND WE'VE BEEN STUCK ON THE FUCKIN' CLIFF FOR SOO DAMN LONG... TUBELIGHT!... BRAIN OF FLEA... FRICKIN' SLOW-POKE RETARD!"

"SILENCE MORTAL! HOW DARE YOU INVOKE THE WRATH OF ****?.... FOR THAT YOU MUST SUFFER A MOST HORRIBLE DEATH!"... as soon as this was said a bolt of lightning (brighter and more powerful than any bolt of lightning thrown down by zeus) promptly struck geck and he fell down the cliff... he suffered no pain for he died upon impact 35000 feet below....

"OOPS!"

"DUMBASS!.. YOU KILLED THE WRONG DUDE....FOR THAT YOU MUST PERFORM AN APOLOGY RITUAL IN THE NAME OF THE GECKO..."

a few seconds later there was this sound like the grumbling of a million hungry stomachs and the sheer cliff-face beside started growing outwards until it looked like a platform that could easily accomodate a million people... then there was another sound.... it was pure evil i tell you.... i looked up to the heavens and saw a blur of red, black and white zooming down towards me... in mortal fear i instinctively curled myself into a foetal position and i waited for the meteor to hit me....

i waited....

and i waited...

and i waited....

and i waited.....

but it didnt... instead when i looked up i saw jack and meg standing there smiling down at me... meg was barefooted (like she always is while playing her kit) and jack had his creepy moushtache....

then jack said, "in memory of the gecko we shall play our new track "Blue Orchid"... and because my buddy **** told us to" and he looked up at the sky and winked.....

after this jack picked up his guitar and meg sat behind her candy cane drums and belted out the track... it was soo good and soo different that at the end of it i laid myself down on the ground and died a most peaceful death....

peacerespectempathy

normal/freak

sound : Ball and Buscuit - The White Stripes

it feels so good to hear a familiar voice from time to time... most folks are lucky to have their friends around them all the time but for someone who hasn't seen their real friends in a while, just hearing their voices feels so damn good.... it's wierd what deafness can do to you....

last thing i remember i was sitting on top of the purple mushroom sipping hot chocolate...... just moments before i had punched the pink gorilla for stealinmg my nuts... the bastard!... remember the kid who sat next to you in the third grade... well, he's a cross-dressing drag queen at a major broadway show... oh hell, im on the moon again....

my only escape from this loneliness is my reading and music... i just finished paolho coehlo's "eleven minutes".... it was awesome.... totally different for him.... and right now... i started "hammer of god" by arthur c clarke.... hmm....

i stole the chocolate pudding!... i stole jesus' thunder!... ha ha ha!... my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, damn right it's better than your's... my cock is bigger than your's... bwahahahaha!!!

i just realized something... its less than a month till i reach the US... what will this new chapter of my life hold for me?... will i fare better off than now or will things just get worse.... my intuition says things are going to get better but theres always murphy's law to help fuck up things....

wait a munute mr munchkin man.... dont you know my name?... im famous all around these here parts for being kinda lame... hey why not we play a game of poker?.... i can try to get the fuhrer to join us... maybe then we can ask the dude about his funky moushtache and what not.... hey.... gandhi just farted... heh heh heh... last night i was playing twister with nefertitii and cleopatra when plato ran into the room screaming something about him spouting a tail or something and promptly laid himself on the ground and fell into a drunken stupor... the poor sod... bllimey guv'nor don't choo got some chimneys to sweep?....and what abewt the ungle who lewed in the jungle?... did he cem in yea loorry?... did he say soorry?... screw it... in the werds of a most great philoosepher, "life is a saang, saang it!"....

peacerespectempathy

day-to-day frustration

sound : Atlantic City (Live) - Bruce Springsteen

AUTHOR'S NOTE: im too lazy to type out anothe a real post so i'll post the message i sent to aj....

its scary... i feel like i'm becoming one of those people who get talked to
their whole lives but cant speak back... you know?.... i feel like those
non-entities that everybody relies on when they can't cope with the
fullness of their lives but i still do feel messed... man.... you think i'm
happy just because i didnt post some rage filled, poison spewing jumble of
words... nope.... i just had a good day or two so to speak.... i miss
conversation.... i miss proper social interaction.... i feel so damn lonely out
here... kerala.... what's in it for me huh?.... i want to go and see akhil and
neetu but cant cos we have these so-called "relatives" to visit... some of them
i like, but most of them... sheesh, i aint talking about it.... and all this
formalities and functions for some guy named "Jeffin" getting married... and i
gotta go for all this shit.... i hate weddings... drives me insane... all the
fake conversations and the x-ray looks... everything about it... everybody is
waiting for you to fuck up... its incredible.... even going to church (its not
like i want to go, im forced to) out here is tough.... i mean, come on... how
would you feel if each and every head in the place turns to you as soon as you
step in... add to that the fact that i dont understand whats going on because
its in mallu....... plus the sermon takes ages... my way of coping is by walking
tall and staring back at people when they stare at me (gives me something to do
when im bored) and sleeping during the sermon.... why the hell do these people
have to be so god-damn curious?... cant they shove their overly oily noses back
wherever its supposed to be?.... church in chennai aint that bad... nobody
stares and i sleep during the sermons over there too... whatever, i alwaus tell
everybody that i dont want to go, so me sleeping in church is not my fault.... i
wish you were coming to india a bit earlier.... we leave on the 11th... from
chennai... i doubt ill be able to see you.... crap!... wanna hear something
sick?... papa plans to leave malluland only on the 6th... can you believe
that?... only four days in chennai!!!.... before the SATs i was basically under
house arrest and the day after my SATs got over we left for kerala... i hardly
spent any time with my friends.... now we'll have only four days and i doubt i
can go out even then.... we delay for so long because "Jeffin" is getting
married and he's supposed to be a relative... like i care.... and what kind of a
nutcase would name their kid "Jeffin"??.... crack-heads..... damn... im like an
old man... i start a rant and by the end of it im all worked up.... balls....
ill be calling akh/neet tomorrow (sunday)... couldnt earlier on cos i was on the
meet-the-relatives tour.... ciao ajna.... ill catch ya later... PRE - avi

PS: i havent heard from arun in ages... i miss the pig...

"Dear diary, Why do all the girls roll their eyes at me?"

sound : Death Letter - Son House

i wole up today morning, the echoes of strangeness still running through my mind from the freakishly wierd dream of the night before, in a new land... yes, my dear gendle-foolæs... i am in mallu land.... the land of lush green-ness, the land of coconut oil and walrus moushtaches.... yes, im back...

lots of going-ons oh yeah... did my SATs... that went well excepting for the wierd john lennon incident.... there wasw this girl who looked exactly like yoko ono sitting next to me.... after i noticed her i got this wierd ally mcbeal episode going.... john lennon was singing to me during the whole test...... imagine played endlessly.... there was also beautiful boy, give peace a chance and even cold turkey.... it was like haveing the lennon: legend cd playing in my head..... it was good though.... it cooled me down.....

i got my driving license.... yeah, its now perfectly legal for me to drive a light motor vehicle with four wheels and motor cycles with gears... the driving test was disappointing though.... the two wheeler test, what do i say?... i hadnt touched the bike since the great fall of the avinashian butt and when i go to the driving test place they tell me that im up for the test... i somehow managed to do a wobbly figure eight (if the tire would have left marks it should have looked something like a figure eight drawn by a 90 year old with parkinsons) and all that sans the hand signals... i cant ride properly with both hands and i should do hand signals... yeah right.... and the driving test.... it was sad.... i started the car and drove it like fifty meters when the guy says,"very good. next."... i didnt even get the chance to change gears... its like these people want me to crash and die after i get the license.....

we saw the "revenge of the sith" on the third day of international release... actually i was planning to see all the movies in order (i was a star wars virgin prior to episode III) but why should i pass off a chance to see it in RDX... frankly speaking... i liked it... the movie was good... now i gotta get my butt to seeing the rest of the movies... vimal (one of my friends) and i went and saw xXx 2.... astoundingg that samuel l jackson agreed to act in such a shit-piece... it was a frickin' tamil action movie on steroids.... in the local section i saw "Black"... believe it or not, i liked it.... awesome for a bollywood flick... there were a few mistakes though... just because you're blind, deaf and dumb doesnt mean you'd walk like how the girl does... i mean the cross between charlie chaplin and a penguin was a little bit too much.... then towards the end they had the big b making like an old man... frankly that shouldnt be all too tough for him, he's basically there.... well anyway... the wig was like a bad mop from the janitor's closet and him shaking his head made him look like one of those annoying dog things you see people putting in the back of their cars to make the car look "CUTE".... but i forgive them... a hindi movie coming this far.... two thumbs up!
the day before yesterday one of my friends from ooty, nihas, came down to chennai for the day... he called me and asked me to come to spencers to met him.... it was like a mini george's reunion.... nihas, luke, sampath, uday, vivian and i plus 3 of nihas' friends... asshole (his name is some complex sanskrit name starting with a.... i couldnt remember it so i named him asshole to make it easier on everybodies' tongues), vidhya and leha.... this girl vidhya is just like t (hey, i miss you kiddo!)... i even told her that and she was like "puh-lease" just like t!!.... she even has the same type of hair (which she doesnt like cos its really frizzy) and t's humungous, power-puff girl type emotive eyes.... she even gave me the look t gives me when i do something stupid when i sat on the floor.... i managed to make everyone sit on the floor though... and this really annoying security guard comes and throws us all out of his beat... we moved on and disturbed the peace in another wing.... we went around "jollu ollikifying" for a few hours talked about lots of shit... according to asshole, "you guys are all wierd... COOL!" and in the words of leha, "you all are like a bunch of old men reminiscising about school all the time"... basically we hung out... had lunch at the food court and got free coffees and pastries from kwiky's because luke works there..... it was good...

since i have internet at home in malluland i guess ill be online more often... yeah....

and aj... im not sleeping with the fishes...

peacerespectempathy