Listening to : nirvana - come as you are
"He was an embryo god, not yet ready to be born. For ages he floated in limbo,
knowing what he had been, but not what he had become. He was still in a state of flux - somewhere between chrysalis and butterfly. Or perhaps only between caterpillar and chrysalis..." - Arthur C. Clarke [2010: Odyssey Two]
i'm strumming the riff from "come as you are" ad infinitum... maybe its a sign of my degenerative creativity?........ this incomplete-ness feels horrific... i want to create but i cant.... i am the "embryo god"... i am in a state of suspension... i do nothing... i feel everything... i am nothing yet i want something... what is it that i want?... i dont know.... maybe its material and shallow... maybe its more of a spiritual thing... maybe its physical... maybe i just need a life!
7.25.2004
7.20.2004
of non-creativity and non-entities
Listening to : jimi hendrix - all along the watch tower
i am not alive... my existance is baseless and futile... what meaning is there in this non-existance known as my life?... i am a non-entity of sorts... my existance is not acknowledged by others in any way deemed significant and worthy of the praise and comments of all the bastard genius around me... i have no zest... i do not feel the urge to create... i cannot sketch... i cannot play guitar... i cannot write... i am in pain... i have no music in my soul or in my room... i am no alchemist... i am no sorceror nor am i a fool... i cannot control what is truthfully mine, yet i handle all the waste that is my life like mana from the heavens... i am my own and nobody elses, yet i conform to twisted, distorted norms set upon us by the bastard leaders of controlled-order.... why bitch?... why moan?... because i can... i exist but do not live... i exist... i exist... i am not alive...
in a vain attempt to find out my inner self i took a quick trip to utopia for the insecure and found out that i am most like one of the most truest people to grace my "uni-directional stuffer of nonsensical information down my gullet" (my TV)...
i am not alive... my existance is baseless and futile... what meaning is there in this non-existance known as my life?... i am a non-entity of sorts... my existance is not acknowledged by others in any way deemed significant and worthy of the praise and comments of all the bastard genius around me... i have no zest... i do not feel the urge to create... i cannot sketch... i cannot play guitar... i cannot write... i am in pain... i have no music in my soul or in my room... i am no alchemist... i am no sorceror nor am i a fool... i cannot control what is truthfully mine, yet i handle all the waste that is my life like mana from the heavens... i am my own and nobody elses, yet i conform to twisted, distorted norms set upon us by the bastard leaders of controlled-order.... why bitch?... why moan?... because i can... i exist but do not live... i exist... i exist... i am not alive...
in a vain attempt to find out my inner self i took a quick trip to utopia for the insecure and found out that i am most like one of the most truest people to grace my "uni-directional stuffer of nonsensical information down my gullet" (my TV)...
I AM CHANDLER BING!
Could you be any more like Chandler Bing? You
are
sarcastic and scared of commitment!
Could you be any more like Chandler Bing? You
are
sarcastic and scared of commitment!
7.16.2004
super constipation
Listening to : jimi hendrix - voodoo chile blues
should i even elaborate on what im gonna type?... why are we confused?.. because confusion is good... confusion leads to chaos... chaos is good, right?... nonsensical sense exists in nonexistance... phooey!
should i even elaborate on what im gonna type?... why are we confused?.. because confusion is good... confusion leads to chaos... chaos is good, right?... nonsensical sense exists in nonexistance... phooey!
7.15.2004
7.13.2004
7.09.2004
Damn you RIAA!! Damn you!!
Listening to : nothing :(
my hard disk died!!!... it has kicked the proverbial bucket... all my mp3s, all my poems, all my ebooks... gone!!... but wait... i gave the hard disk to sunil unc cos he says theyve got good data recovery ppl working at his bank... cool... the guy at the shop was like "im sorry, its gone..." bah... what does he know... plus sunil unc says he can get ua a pc for dead cheap from the bank... wow... but man was i bummed or what... right now im using one of the pcs from mama's school... if my hard drive is deemed unrescuable (is that even a word?) i guess ill end up using this pc only on weekends... but man do i miss my music... it must be some magick by the RIAA for downloading so many (about 2000, thats excluding the ones ive burnt to cds... if i add those me and arun would have collectively done about 10000 songs!!!) songs.... yeah... not saying that all magick is bad... but theres always the other side to all the shit that surrounds us right?...
my hard disk died!!!... it has kicked the proverbial bucket... all my mp3s, all my poems, all my ebooks... gone!!... but wait... i gave the hard disk to sunil unc cos he says theyve got good data recovery ppl working at his bank... cool... the guy at the shop was like "im sorry, its gone..." bah... what does he know... plus sunil unc says he can get ua a pc for dead cheap from the bank... wow... but man was i bummed or what... right now im using one of the pcs from mama's school... if my hard drive is deemed unrescuable (is that even a word?) i guess ill end up using this pc only on weekends... but man do i miss my music... it must be some magick by the RIAA for downloading so many (about 2000, thats excluding the ones ive burnt to cds... if i add those me and arun would have collectively done about 10000 songs!!!) songs.... yeah... not saying that all magick is bad... but theres always the other side to all the shit that surrounds us right?...
7.04.2004
7.03.2004
ooh-haa!!
Listening to : APC - Magdalena
"It's the human creative response. You want to create in response to destruction. It's just a natural thing, a response to the horror. Psychotherapists know that when you have monstrous feelings it's best to express them through creative endeavors -- making a painting, a drawing, a musical work, a dance, a theatrical production, or writing in a journal. It's a way to creatively vent the negative powers that can eat away at us.
This is the healing function of art and creative therapies. Even though we may not imagine ourselves becoming Olympic athletes, it doesn't mean we shouldn't exercise. Likewise, even if we're not going to be Picasso, it doesn't mean we shouldn't express ourselves creatively. In fact, it's an important function of the mind and body to integrate feelings. Using art to describe visionary and psychedelic insights has profound and important implication. Grof recognized this early on, and various psychotherapists who have dealt with traumatized patients. When you go through a psychedelic experience, it may not necessarily be traumatic, but ontologically it can be apocalyptic. Just as when a loved one dies, a child is born, or one falls in love - life-altering, identity-shifting experiences, like a first trip, calls for a complete rewiring of their philosophical circuitry. Psychedelics are on par with the most profound experiences human beings go through. The creative response is called for, and in my case this is what I do naturally." - Alex Grey during an interview with Trip Magazine [2002]
summer school started at HOPE today... i teach the kids karate once a week (saturdays)..... that girl i met at le mall... shes there as a volunteer... she came along with gina... and her names not whatever i wrote before... its shuroogh.... yeah and she wasnt all covered up and stuff today... frankly speaking the girl is kinda nice... not like most of the shallow butt-munches you find around here... for example: dinesh (ill get to him later).... anyway... it was kinda good... the kids didnt think i was an asshole and this little one named Hadeela kept asking me to teach her more... real sweet...
aj took us out on a treat at pizza hut a few days back cos i tutored her for her comp. sci. exam.... she invited her f(r)iend dennis to come too... he was scared to come over since g-kutty unc was there... what a loser... g-kutty unc was fun... we laughed so much none of us could eat a lot... later on after g-kutty unc left this guy walks upto us and says hi and says some crap about me being the leader of the group... WHAT THE FUCK?!!!... this aint some stupid lame-assed IISJ wannabe club... akhil said it best "i so dont like that guy!"... heh heh heh... hes got g-kutty unc's sense of humor...
i watched al pacino's "scent of a woman" a few days back... tres magnifique... a truly great movie... i cant believe i hadnt watched it before.... im planning on doing and epic seven part poem on the deadly sins... its a nice project to take up but i aint in the mood right now... but i promise ill start it soon....
SHOUT OUTS TO NEETU!...MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!!!!
"It's the human creative response. You want to create in response to destruction. It's just a natural thing, a response to the horror. Psychotherapists know that when you have monstrous feelings it's best to express them through creative endeavors -- making a painting, a drawing, a musical work, a dance, a theatrical production, or writing in a journal. It's a way to creatively vent the negative powers that can eat away at us.
This is the healing function of art and creative therapies. Even though we may not imagine ourselves becoming Olympic athletes, it doesn't mean we shouldn't exercise. Likewise, even if we're not going to be Picasso, it doesn't mean we shouldn't express ourselves creatively. In fact, it's an important function of the mind and body to integrate feelings. Using art to describe visionary and psychedelic insights has profound and important implication. Grof recognized this early on, and various psychotherapists who have dealt with traumatized patients. When you go through a psychedelic experience, it may not necessarily be traumatic, but ontologically it can be apocalyptic. Just as when a loved one dies, a child is born, or one falls in love - life-altering, identity-shifting experiences, like a first trip, calls for a complete rewiring of their philosophical circuitry. Psychedelics are on par with the most profound experiences human beings go through. The creative response is called for, and in my case this is what I do naturally." - Alex Grey during an interview with Trip Magazine [2002]
summer school started at HOPE today... i teach the kids karate once a week (saturdays)..... that girl i met at le mall... shes there as a volunteer... she came along with gina... and her names not whatever i wrote before... its shuroogh.... yeah and she wasnt all covered up and stuff today... frankly speaking the girl is kinda nice... not like most of the shallow butt-munches you find around here... for example: dinesh (ill get to him later).... anyway... it was kinda good... the kids didnt think i was an asshole and this little one named Hadeela kept asking me to teach her more... real sweet...
aj took us out on a treat at pizza hut a few days back cos i tutored her for her comp. sci. exam.... she invited her f(r)iend dennis to come too... he was scared to come over since g-kutty unc was there... what a loser... g-kutty unc was fun... we laughed so much none of us could eat a lot... later on after g-kutty unc left this guy walks upto us and says hi and says some crap about me being the leader of the group... WHAT THE FUCK?!!!... this aint some stupid lame-assed IISJ wannabe club... akhil said it best "i so dont like that guy!"... heh heh heh... hes got g-kutty unc's sense of humor...
i watched al pacino's "scent of a woman" a few days back... tres magnifique... a truly great movie... i cant believe i hadnt watched it before.... im planning on doing and epic seven part poem on the deadly sins... its a nice project to take up but i aint in the mood right now... but i promise ill start it soon....
SHOUT OUTS TO NEETU!...MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!!!!
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