He stared at me.

sound : John Debney - Flaggelation/Dark Choir/Disciples



i must have been seven or eight... seven actually, because my brother wasn't born yet... i used to sleep alone in my room... i used to say my prayers every night... the key word here is "say"... i never really knew (i still dont know) how to pray... i just used to recite the prayers that were taught to me by my parents... the "Our Father", the "Hail Mary", the "Glory Be" and stuff... i used to think of heaven as a place filled with trees that sprouted chocolates and candy... there were cartoon characters everywhere and my grandma would give me 'Appy again... but there was one flaw....



i had a picture of jesus hung up in my room... mama told me that it would protect me from monsters and bad guys... even shredder... but the problem is that i never used to like the picture.... jesus' eyes were so well drawn that they used to follow me wherever i went in the room... it felt like i had no privacy in there... anywhere i go... i move to the right, he's staring at me... i move to the left, he's staring at me.... everywhere i went he stared at me... i used to lie awake in bed for hours thinking that i had done something wrong... in my childish mind i was unable to realize that it was just an optical illusion that caused jesus to stare at me like that... all i knew was that i was guilty of some sin that i must have done unknowingly... i believe that that picture is the root of all of my anti-establishmentarian feelings... that picture of jesus staring at me like a pedophile screwed my religiousness forever... i remember telling people that there was no god in the sixth grade.... i never believed in god... come to think of it... this is it... having a guy stare at you while you perform you day to day activitie is not too good for you psychologiocally or religiously.... i guess im permanently scarred because of staring-jesus.....



i never believed in god as a kid... i knew my parents were santa, but i believed in santa... santa brought me hope... santa never stared at me...



i believe in santa



peacerespectempathy