Dear Santa,

i know you're reall busy and stuff, but cudja spare a moment for me?.... thanks....

i know i was never the ideal person... i doubt if i've ever been in the nice list... guess im some sort of inside joke among the elves and the mrs huh?... "The world record for the longest stay on top of the naughty list!!"... tell you what... i'll make a deal with you.... you get me what i want and i'll behave... i promise....

ok... number one on my list... i want penelope cruz... no, i do not want to just meet her... I WANT HER!!... dude... you being who you are, all you gotta go is come over to my place and pulll her out of your bag and place her under my tree... see... its as simple as 1-2-3....

the rest of the items on my list are salma hayek, a '69 strat (i know you got a lot of those lying around...), a '71 shelby mustang gt 500, a million bucks and lastly.... a good, healthy human brain... yes santa, a brain.....

come x-mas eve, you can be assured of finding a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the dining table... so dont think im ungrateful or anything...

i know i spent the whole year cussing like a madman, fighting at every opportunity and even blaming god-guy for all of my problems.... but hey, i will stop if you get me the stuff on my list.... you the man sant... you the man.....

thanks in advance,

peacerespectempathy,

The Scarred Philosopher

PS: didja know that your name is satan all jumbled up? - TSP