I'm an adult now.... or am I?....

sound : Babe I'm Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin

this is when the anvil comes down on you.. damn, it hits you on the head so damn fuckin' hard.... what do i do?.... i hardly ever felt this way as a kid all alone in boarding school but here.... it's incredible.... i don't know why.... it's really strange...

i spent yesterday in the usual funk i get into on the eve of every one of my birthdays after the age of 16.... yeah... i had the b'day blues going on.... and going strong too.... legally i'm an adult now.... what the fuck do you mean by that?.... i mean seriously.... out here i couldn't drink till today morning but i could have become a porno-star but to drink i had to wait till today.... balls....

the thing that's bugging me the most is that i don't have anybody around... agreed.... there's papa and mama and akshay and minto and thomas uncle and all but thats not the point..... i want t, arun, aj, neet and iklil here.... agreed i'd love to have all my friends from school (suren, jude, sury, amu, uday, dee, adang.... the list is endless) here but i aint asking for much.... just all of the guys from jeddah.... i miss you... even if i don't email you that often... i can't i just got my pc today and i havent got a connection yet.... so as soon as i do, i will... plus, i will call you... believe me.... soon...

back to aging anther year.... i hate growing.... older atleast... mentally growing i dont mind... but growing older (chronologically atleast) sucks bigtime... agreed that statement there makes no point whatsoever with the "yada-yada-sucks!" thing but thats exactly how i feel right now.... im growing older and im finally getting on with my so-far dead life.... im in college, i got a job which i don't mind, yeah, im finally better off than myself.... and i do mean that truly.... crazy....

oh well.... how do i feel now that im a yr older?.... i dunno... i didnt go out and get myself drunk to the point of turning comatose... not because i couldn't but because i dont want to... im still in my "searchng-for-myself" mode.... i have drank and been drunk, i have smoked and been fumigated, but i doubt its something i want to do right now.... not where i am right now... not where I am right now.... maybe someday i will start drinking and/or smoking and/or praying again, but thats because i'm human.... i will stumble and reach out for support eventually.... i am not superman.... maybe it isn't even stumbling and reaching for support... maybe the path of rightousness is to get drunk and smoke and pray like most other humans.... what exactly is the point of that random thought?.... i dont know.... maybe it will wake up the dead spirits that lie withing most of us... the spirits of Genius, Knowledge, Ambition, Pride and others just like them....

balls.... another ramble-piece about myself... im vain to the point of being repetitive and i forgive myself for being so.... yeah... fuck it... i am mine and i dont give a fuck anymore....

balls.....

peacerespectempathy

"reaching out into the random"

sound : Friends - Led Zeppelin

jamie's started a new blog The Adventures Of Kundiman.... its been a while in the making so yeah... you go dude....

i have no time foe a real post but this is just so that the world knows im ok.... im alive and kicking so to speak.....

college started this week and it was all good.... ill post in more details later....

i leave now knowing i have contacted the world... now im just waiting for the universe to contact me....

peacerespectempathy

RANDOM ACCESS BULLSHIT

sound : My Doorbell - The White Stripes

"DO WE, DO WE KNOW.... WHEN WE FLY?"

these things are no different from you when you step down from you podium of ultimate holier than thou-ness.... balls to you... you cant fly.... evil bastard child of satanic snail.... bastardo..... stronzo.... ever heard of right brain dominance in a cockroach.... well you wont.... this is cos a cockroach has its brain in its back... spineless brain-backed bastards....

pluck the berry little monkey-child of the rainforest.... eat the berry little monkey-child of the rainforest.... DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE UGLY MONKEY-CHILD OF THE ALMOST DEPLETED FUCKIN' RAINFOREST!!!

NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!
NA! NA! NA! NA! NANANANA!

i've got a hand down the front of my pants trying oh so very hard for something i want but nooooooooooo... i end up with the ultimate sign of me-ness.... yes ladies and germs... i never get what i want......

is this confounded joy that i feel right now the death of my already waning creativity?.... or is Creativity already dead?!?!?!?!?!..... i miss Creativity....

Dear Creativity,
I know that you usually are at your best when you are in the company of Depression and Uselessness... but hey... you're with me now (or should I say leaving me...) but anyway.... tell me dude... how's it been in heaven?.... tell me... do snickers bars and candy really grow on trees?... and do the rivers have soda flowing in them?... oh well, you know the drill... hit me back dude... seriously missing your influence....
yours in fear and loathing,
(a la HST)
The Scarred Philosopher

PS: my head just fell off my shoulder. - TSP

now that i got through that in one piece, let me ponder on other things that i ponder on.... what exactly do i ponder on?.... hmm... my faculties of thought have been shut down thanks to the numbing sameness of a somewhat content life... like a few hours ago.... i ordered three cds from the BMG site with the wrong card... i typed in the card that was empty.... how fricking stupid is that?.... DAMN!....

"When you gonna ring it... When you gonna ring it..."

AUDIOSLAVE IS COMING TO TAMPA ON THE 17TH OF OCTOBER!!!
WOO HOO!!!

enough of this rabid, psychotic rambling... let me get a little serious with you folks.... im starting something new here.... well it aint new i guess.... i want all of you people who read my blog regularly and/or just stumble on here by some horrid mistake of your's to just leave a comment saying the most random stuff you can think of... lets just say its an exercise in randomness that beats every ounce of sense in your head... yes.... random nonsense.... that is the way of man... we are nonsensical hence the joy attained in our creation and in our coming into contact of nonsense...

as i said earlier... enough of my rambling... now it's your turn... as robert plant has said so rightly.... "Ramble On!"

"aljdsfh ouf9769airo 248yr9w 8yf wo 0uher 90724y9quh rf98 wq7tf9 w8 ayd98 ydp9....."

with that being said.... i bid you maggots, ladies and germs, adieu...

peacerespectempathy

of tiff, pigfuckers, wordsperm and braincondoms

sound : You're a Better Man than I - The Yardbirds

its true ladies and germs... the piguckers are taking over the world.... it always happens this way.... you go ahead and step up on the podium when the sky falls down on your head.... and in the deep lonliness that you find yourself in you grab hold of somebody....

i made a friend.... she is me in female form... seriously... her name is tiffnie.... she's crazy.... i met her at the mcdonald's where i work... she came in to try out for the job.... we got to talking and we walked home together (she lives close to my place)... later that day we walked around for like four hours just talking to each other and doing random stuff... she's really fun... we prank called her friend... he got pissed though..... we talk to each other all the time and when she had to go to mcdonald's to exchange her uniform because it was too big (she's tiny... just 5'1") she said she was hungry.... i just had an ice cream but she had two burgers and a dr peppers.... we sat by the pond in her lawn and spoke for hours.... later on we started teasing the fish and one of em (stupid bastard) tried to bite my hand a la Jaws... i mean it jumped out of the water with its mouth open and reached to within a hair's length from my finger.... we planned on watching "charlie and the chocolate factory" on friday but that didnt work out because i got busy...

oh yeah... thomas uncle's mother passed away.... he's gone to india and minto and i have to go stay at the store whenever we're free.... thats why i couldnt go to the movie....

oh yeah... me and tiff work together and we'll be going to HCC together once school starts....

run simba... run... as fast as you can... the pigfuckers are coming... we believe in one god, the farter almighty, creator of heaven, earth and malluland.....

well... i finally joined a library here... its a good one... right now i'm reading "mainlines, blood feasts and bad taste" by lester bangs and "fear and loathing in america" by hunter s thompson.... both of them are geniuses... truly....

balls to you mrs robinson, jesus hates you more than you could say
hey, hey, hey

its strange the amount you have to wait for eveything.... i say pink floyd's "dsotm" and "wish you were here" for $9.99 at circuit city... im gonna get em as soon as i get paid... i just bought a yardbirds' cd there for 7 bucks yesterday... woo hoo....

have you ever seen a monkey bray?... well, i have... its true that it's now a very pretty sight but it is very beautiful.... "RUN YOU BASTARDS... THE CAVALIER'S COMING... RUN!!! RUN!!!!"

maybe i'm just confused but i dont know what to type out... at moments of intense creativity i have loads of ideas swirling around in my head like a vile (funny how vile is an annagram of evil and they both more or less mean the same) pot of gooey wordsperm out of my phallic mind... yes, my mind is phallic... i thrust my thoughts to places that i shouldn't thrust at... hence i have prematurely ejaculated wordsperm when i shouldn't and when it comes to the real game... i'm stuck with a blank screen.... i need some brain viagra... energy boosters even....

censorship is the condom of the mind.....

but doesn't everybody say that you should use a condom to keep things safe... i dunno... influenced writing and muttawa creativity is not safe.... braincondoms lead to that... i prefer the risk of venereal disease infested writing over the clean cut herdknowledge found in the world....

we are buying a pc today... i'll post in the specs later... im at the library right now..... wordsperm, wordshit... it's all the same right now... i have no time to think out an elaborate entry on my life.... i'll leave you maggots now with some wise words out of tiff's mouth,

"i fart in your general direction!"

peacerespectempathy

huh?...

sound : Castles Made of Sand - Jimi Hendrix

minto and i went out and played pool last night... it was ok... it was with some people from his church... the bartender kinda looked at me like i was some sad shmuck when i asked for a coke... heh heh heh....its ok though... the music there was good...

oh yeah... to all my friends... happy friendship day... blah blah... yada yada....

peacerespectempathy

"Where did you sleep last night?"

sound : Time - Pink Floyd

while i was talking to the chicken wing that was stuck inbetween the the floor and the bottom of the table, it told me that the time had come.... and i agreed... the time had come...

the time had come...

we moved into the new apartment last night.... i kinda like the place... it aint humongous but hey... its all good... i got a job which seem ok... not too bad... atleast the people are friendly... yeah.... school starts in a little while.... yeah... its all good...

the thing i miss right now are "the guys", music and my side burns....

i miss "the guys"....

i miss music...

and lastly, i miss my sideburns.....

peacerespectempathy

balls...

sound : Be Yourself - Audioslave

i got myself a job at mcdonalds today.... joined there cos there's a 50% college reimbursement program... and to join mcdonalds i had to shave off my goatie and my sideburns (shorter than my ear-lobes)... aah yes, the changes one makes to straighten their lives... the job is good... like today i got 3 hours and 15 minutes of clocked work time for watching two aliens learn about the superiority of earthly drive-thrus... balls... i don't feel like typing out stuff right now... i miss my facial hair....

i think ill go and watch joey... maybe that'll cheer me up....

balls...

peacerespectempathy